In Sermon Illustrations: "Quotes"

Unfold Your Deck Chair - Funny Story

Contributed by J Jeffrey Smead on Mar 3, 2026

In a "Peanuts" strip, ... Charlie Brown and Lucy were discussing ... theology. Lucy said, ... "On the great cruise ship of life, ... some people ... take their deck chairs ... to the bow. And some people ... take their deck chairs ... to the stern. Where do you put your deck ...read more

Scripture: Acts 17:22-34, John 14:6

Tags: Deck Chair, Faith, Life, Ship, Chair  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Anglican

An Illustration About Ephesians 2:9

Contributed by Jonathan Spurlock on Jun 30, 2022

The author of this illustration is G. M. Landis. I have no idea who this person is or was. I had bought a Bible at a thrift store and the piece of paper with this illustration was inside the front cover (this was a hardcover Bible). The illustration itself appears to have been written for a daily ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 2:9

Tags: Grace, Salvation, Works, G M Landis

Denomination: Baptist

Pentecost Proves That God Wants Everyone To Know The Gospel

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Feb 19, 2022

"Another reason for the gift of tongues was to let the people know that the Gospel was for the whole world. God wants to speak to every person in his or her own language and give the saving message of salvation in Jesus Christ! The emphasis in the Book of Acts is on worldwide evangelization, ...read more

Tags: Lost, Unsaved, Simon Peter, Love Of God, Languages, Gift Of Tongues, World, Holy Spirit, Pentecost, Gospel, Missions, Witnessing, Evangelism  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Cuckoo Birds Live In Cuckoo Clocks, Right?

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Nov 12, 2024

One day they had a contestant o WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE who made it all the way to the last question. Her name was Debra. Debra has made it to the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 17:22

Tags: Clocks, Birds, Pastor's Wives, Sermon Introductions, Pastor Jokes  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

We Are Fearfully And Wonderfully Made!

Contributed by Rick Crandall on Sep 25, 2025

First in vs. 13, "LORD, You formed me." Or as David said: "You have formed my inward parts; You have covered me in my mother's womb." *LORD, YOU formed me. James Merritt explained that David knew we are a physical miracle created by the power of God. . . David was saying, ...read more

Scripture: Psalm 139:1-24

Tags: Fearfully Made, God's Omnipotence, Wonderfully Made, Nathan The Prophet, Solomon's Temple, Mother's Womb, Light, Darkness, Omniscience, Omnipresence, God's Presence, King David, Creation  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Baptist

Best Tithing Joke Ever!

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Jan 31, 2022

BEST TITHING JOKE EVER! Two men were marooned on a deserted Island. One man paced back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The first man said to the second man, "Aren’t you afraid that we are about to die?" "No," said the ...read more

Tags: Tithing, Giving, Stewardship, Pastors

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Daddy, Is God Dead?

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Feb 13, 2022

A little girl looked up at her daddy while sitting on his lap and asked, "Daddy, I need to ask you something. Is God dead?" The father said, "Honey, why in the world are you asking me such a ridiculous question! What would make you ask me such a question?" His daughter ...read more

Tags: Fathers, Children, Family, Prayer, Revival, Mothers, Home  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Kill The Spider!

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Jan 15, 2020

A man continually "rededicated" his life and always prayed the same prayer, "Lord, take the cobwebs out of my life. Oh, Lord.....take the cobwebs out of my life!" His pastor had heard this prayer more times than he cared to remember and was tired of hearing it. Finally, when ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:1-12, Hebrews 12:1-2, 2 Chronicles 7:14

Tags: Confession, Repentance, Mourning Over Sin

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

It Happened At Work…

Contributed by Loyd C. Taylor on Sep 3, 2023

Church chuckle: It Happened at work… Like the situation that a nurse shared which happened at the hospital where she works. One night a young intern came into the hospital ward shaking her head. "There’s an old man out there by the vending machines," she continued, "and he’s putting ...read more

Scripture: Colossians 3:23

Tags: Funny Stories, The Work Place, Vending Machines, Work, Humor, Labor Day  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Baptist

The One Who Takes The Son Recieves Everything

Contributed by J Jeffrey Smead on Nov 19, 2025

The story is told ... Years ago, ... there was a very wealthy man who, ... with his devoted young son, ... shared a passion ... for collecting fine art. Together ... they traveled around the world, ... adding only the finest art treasures ... to their collection. Priceless works ... by Picasso, ...read more

Scripture: 1 John 5:11-12

Tags: Father, Jesus, Son, Everything

Denomination: Anglican

Whoever Takes The Son Receives Everything - Good Story

Contributed by J Jeffrey Smead on Feb 25, 2026

The story is told ... Years ago, ... there was a very wealthy man who, ... with his devoted young son, ... shared a passion ... for collecting fine art. Together ... they traveled around the world, ... adding only the finest art treasures ... to their collection. Priceless works ... by Picasso, ...read more

Scripture: 1 John 5:11-12, Colossians 1:15-16, 1 Corinthians 1:4-8, 1 Corinthians 13:12

Tags: Treasures, Auction, Son, Life, Eternal  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Anglican

When I Think Of Stewardship (Humor)  PRO

Contributed by J Jeffrey Smead on Dec 29, 2008

When I think of stewardship it brings to mind a story about a small Church located in a farming community. The pastor of the church would call on every member of the congregation as part of the annual pledge campaign. The next home he was going to visit was Farmer Brown’s. Now Mr. Brown was ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 25:18, Proverbs 3:9, Hebrews 7:1, Matthew 6:21, Malachi 3:8-12  (view more)  (view less)

Tags: Giving, Stewardship

Denomination: Anglican

Baptist Kittens

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Mar 5, 2023

A Church of Christ minister walked past a street corner stand that was full of kittens for sale by a little boy in his neighborhood. The sign over the kittens read, "Church of Christ kittens for sale, one week old.....$5.00 each". The minister smiled and said, "My son, you are ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 16:18

Tags: Baptists, Church, Truth, Humor, Church Of Christ  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

How Wide And Long And High And Deep Is The Love Of Christ?

Contributed by Martin Spoelstra on Sep 14, 2024

In the last century, Napoleon's armies opened a prison that the Spanish Inquisition had used. They found the remains of a prisoner who had been incarcerated for his faith. The dungeon was underground. The body had long since decayed. Only a chain fastened around an ankle bone cried out his ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 3:14-19, Romans 8:38-39

Tags: Hope, Suffering, Unconditional Love, Christ's Love

Denomination: Presbyterian/Reformed

God's Parental Sayings

Contributed by Troy Borst on Dec 19, 2022

God’s Parental Sayings The point of today’s message revolves around Jesus being the Son of God and what that means for us. That got me thinking about sayings we have all heard from our parents and things we never thought we would say. I wondered, what might God have said to Jesus… Him being His ...read more

Scripture: John 1:1

Tags: Jesus, God The Father, Parental Sayings

Denomination: Christian/Church Of Christ

A Pound Of The Eternal

Contributed by David Parks on Jan 14, 2022

A Pound Of The Eternal David E. Parks One of the most compelling quotes I have ever read comes from a book by Charles Swindoll, Improving Your Serve: The Art of Unselfish Living. Out of the hundreds of books that I have read over the decades, I know of no quote that has as frequently returned to ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 6:33

Tags: Faithfulness, Laodicea, Commitment

Denomination: Christian/Church Of Christ

Our God Resigns??

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Jan 8, 2021

Ray Stedman, noted pastor and author, once traveled to England to speak at a Bible conference. The church sanctuary was filled with people eager to hear this well-known teacher. The service began with singing and praise to the Lord. One of the songs was the chorus "Our God ...read more

Tags: Lord, Humor, Will Of God, Sovereignty Of God

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

The Wright Brothers And The Wrong Message

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Nov 28, 2023

In December 1903, after many attempts, the Wright brothers were successful in getting their "flying machine" off the ground. Thrilled, they telegraphed this message to their sister Katherine: "We have actually flown 120 feet. Will be home for Christmas." Katherine hurried to ...read more

Scripture: John 1:1-12

Tags: Unsaved, Confused, Message, Gospel, Missions, Witnessing, Lost, Birth Of Christ, Evangelism, Christmas  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Your Sermon Reminded Me Of The Peace And Love Of God!

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Nov 12, 2024

After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons. "Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!" The pastor was ...read more

Tags: Paul, Preaching, Peace Of God, Eutychus, Love Of God, Preachers, Boring Sermons, Long Sermons  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Do You Weep Over Your Sin?

Contributed by Garris Hudson on Jan 15, 2020

A young pastor visited Dundee, Scotland, shortly after Robert Murray McCheyne died at age thirty. Many people had come to Christ because of McCheyne's ministry, and the visitor wanted to know the secret of his great influence. The old sexton of McCheyne's church led the preacher into ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:1-12

Tags: Confession Of Sin, Sermon On The Mount, Mourning Over Sin, Prayer, Revival, Repentance, Beatitudes, Pastors, Brokenness  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational