In Sermon Illustrations: "Quotes"

Backhanded Compliments

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jul 13, 2023

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married." Her husband ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 5:18-31

Tags: Compliments, Marriage, Husband, Wife, Family, Words, Growing Old, Love  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Thanksgiving Joke

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 20, 2019

A lady purchased a parrot whose previous owner had taught him profanity and decided that she would reform him. The parrot learned a number of Christian words and Bible verses to replace the cuss words. However, the owner caught him cussing one day and grabbed him and said, "I'll teach ...read more

Tags: Thanksgiving, Turkey, Jokes

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Thanksgiving Humor!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 7, 2022

A lady purchased a parrot whose previous owner had taught him profanity and decided that she would reform him. The parrot learned a number of Christian words and Bible verses to replace the cuss words. However, the owner caught him cussing one day and grabbed him and said, "I'll teach you ...read more

Tags: Thanksgiving, Blessings, Lepers, Turkeys, Jesus, Holidays, Healing, Miracles, Gratitude, Leprosy  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Talking Dog For Sale!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Oct 13, 2024

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees an old black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 12:22, Colossians 3:9, Exodus 20:16

Tags: Sermon Introductions, Truth, Lies, Deceit, Dogs  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

A Funnnnnnnnny Thanksgiving Story!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 15, 2023

Two men were walking through a field one day when they spotted an angry old bull who wanted them out of his pasture. Instantly, they darted toward the nearest fence. The storming bull followed in hot pursuit and it was soon apparent that they wouldn't make it. Terrified, one man shouted to ...read more

Tags: Fear, Thanksgiving, Prayer, Humor, Gratitude  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Humility

Contributed by Martin Spoelstra on Jun 27, 2021

The Western meaning of humility derives from the usage of the Hebrew speaking Jews, Latin speaking Romans and the Greeks, in particular Greek speaking Christians of the first century. In all three languages the word used to describe humility means "low", as in low to the ground: the ...read more

Scripture: Philippians 2:1-11

Tags: Service, Humility, Power

Denomination: Presbyterian/Reformed

Honesty And Bending The Truth

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Feb 11, 2025

An Engineer, a physicist, an economist and a Planner were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large Local Authority. The Engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: "How much is two plus two?" The Engineer excused ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:7, 1 Timothy 3:8, Ephesians 4:15, Zechariah 8:16, John 8:44  (view more)  (view less)

Tags: Truth, Corruption, Honesty, Situation Ethics, Absolute Truth  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Names

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Mar 9, 2022

Our country boasts 18 doctors named Dr. Doctor and another called Dr. Surgeon. Yes, we have a dermatologist titled Dr. Rash, a psychiatrist who goes by Dr. Couch, and an anesthesiologist named Dr. Gass. But when it came time to name Jesus, the Hebrew name, "Yeshua" has the same sound ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 1:21

Tags: Jesus, Name, Identity, Yeshua, Names  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Amen, Pharaoh

Contributed by Jeremiah Menyongai on Oct 5, 2010

AMEN, PHARAOH A pastor was invited at another church to preach. When he began his sermon, there was enthusiasm. The more the congregation responded loud to his sermon, the longer he went on. Finally, he noticed that the host pastor had started responding to his sermon by saying "Amen, ...read more

Scripture: James 1:9

Tags: Moses, Go, Release, Excitement, Enthusiasm, Windy, Long, Short, Direct, Point, Sermon, Brief  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Charismatic

The Called

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Oct 15, 2019

The Called are those who have been summoned by God. Called to salvation (Rom. 8:30) Called both Jews and Gentiles (1 Cor. 1:24) Called "with a holy calling" (2 Timothy 1:9) Called with a heavenly calling (Heb. 3:1) Called out of darkness into His marvelous light (1Pet. 2:9) Called to ...read more

Scripture: Romans 8:30

Tags: Election, Calling, God's Sovreignty

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Pentecostal Dog

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Sep 24, 2019

. A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog. Ever mindful of their congregation, they knew the dog must also be Baptist. They visited an expensive kennel and explained their needs to the manager, who assured them he had just the dog for them. When the dog was produced, the manager ...read more

Scripture: Acts 2:1-13

Tags: Healing, Charismatic, Pentecostal

Denomination: Independent/Bible

How Are You Doing?

Contributed by Martin Spoelstra on Jul 2, 2021

There's a story about a little girl who came home from school one day, and her mother met her at the door: Hi! How was school today? How are you doing? With the honesty of little people, the girl replied, Oh, not so well, mommy. My tummy hurts! Mothers know everything, and this mommy had ...read more

Scripture: Psalm 16:5-6

Tags: Joke, Child Misunderstanding

Denomination: Presbyterian/Reformed

Three Levels Of Fruit Bearing

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 2, 2023

Galatians 5:19-23 describes the fruit of the Spirit. The fruit described by Paul in Galatians 5 is not something that is a goal for Christian living produced by the ability of the believer. No, it is the very character of Christ produced within us by the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. In ...read more

Scripture: Galatians 5:19-23

Tags: Fruit Of The Spirit, Spiritual Maturity, Leaders, Spirit Filled Life, Fruit Bearing, Holy Spirit  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Propitiation Is Important

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Sep 30, 2019

“In 2012, Getty's hymn "In Christ Alone" was involved in a controversy with the Presbyterian Church (USA) hymnal committee in the creation of their new hymnal "Glory to God". The committee requested permission from Getty and Stuart Townend to use an alternative lyric to the ...read more

Scripture: Romans 3:21-31

Tags: Atonement, Propitiation, Penal, Death Of Christ, Penal Atonement, Solid Doctrine, Standing For Truth  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Do You Have One Heart?

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Aug 5, 2023

Missionary Jim Walton was translating the NT for the Muinane people of La Sabana in the jungles of Colombia. But he was having trouble with the word "peace". During this time, Fernando, the village chief, was promised a 20-minute plane ride to a location that would have taken him 3 days ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 4:1-11

Tags: Bitterness, Bond Of Peace, Forgiveness, Peace, Missions, Unity, Relationships  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Patience With Others

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 22, 2024

"Einstein was four years old before he could speak and seven before he could read". Einstein became one of the greatest physicists who ever lived. "Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school." Newton, like Einstein was one of the smartest people of his day as a scientist. "A ...read more

Tags: Patience, Kindness, Time, Maturing, Waiting On The Lord, Teaching, Endurance, Discipleship, Leadership, Suffering  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Patience Makes It Happen

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 12, 2023

"The history books are full of stories of gifted persons whose talents were overlooked by a procession of people until someone believed in them. To name a few ... "Einstein was four years old before he could speak and seven before he could read". Einstein became one of the greatest ...read more

Scripture: Galatians 5:22-23

Tags: Long Suffering, Flesh Vs Spirit, Endurance, Patience, Fruit Of The Spirit, Spirit Filled Life  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Coming Soon !?

Contributed by Jonathan Spurlock on Apr 13, 2020

Many of us, I'm sure, remember hearing the words "Coming soon to a (fill in the blank) near you . . ."m intended to grab your attention. Well, sometimes that did indeed happen, as a lot of us want to find something new, maybe the latest and greatest thing to come our way. There are a ...read more

Scripture: John 14:1-3, Acts 1:8, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Tags: Immanence, Coming Soon, Return Of Christ

Denomination: Baptist

What Great Men Said About The Bible

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jan 4, 2021

List to what great men in the past have said about the Bible. Abraham Lincoln: "I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man. All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to us through this book." W. E. Gladstone: "I have known ninety-five of the ...read more

Scripture: 2 Timothy 3:16-17, 2 Timothy 4:1-3

Tags: Bible, Scripture, Truth, Word Of God

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Here's A Funny New Approach To Evangelism!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Apr 10, 2022

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So. the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door." Soon after ...read more

Scripture: Acts 1:8

Tags: Barbers, Evangelism, Gospel, Humor, Witnessing, Sermon Intro  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational