In Sermon Illustrations: "Quoted The Psalms"

I Sent You Two Boats And A Helicopter!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 21, 2023

A man of faith is on top of a roof during a great flood in the South. Another man comes by in a boat and says, "Get in, get in, the water is rising!" The man of faith replied, "No, sir. I have faith in God and I know that He will answer my prayer and give me a miracle." So, ...read more

Tags: Miracles Of Jesus, Faith, Fear, Protection, Prayer, Angels, Miracles  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Hiring A Dog

Contributed by John Bright on Jan 17, 2021

A sign was hung in an office window. It read: Help wanted. Must type 70 words a minute. Must be computer literate. Must be bilingual. An equal opportunity employer. A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into ...read more

Scripture: Romans 1:26

Tags: Service, Gifts

Denomination: Methodist

Praying The Alphabet!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 12, 2022

A father walked by his daughter’s bedroom door which was cracked just enough so that he could see that she was kneeling beside her bed in prayer. Interested to find out what subjects a child would bring before God, he paused and listened. He was puzzled though to hear her reciting the alphabet: ...read more

Tags: Prayer, Humor, Lord's Prayer, Jokes, Needs, Children  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Growing Together In The Body Of Christ

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Aug 2, 2023

If we are going to be spiritually healthy, we need all the encouragement and support we can get. And in this section our "trainer" is telling us that spiritual fitness calls for team effort. Yes, we are to be oaks of righteousness, but God desires us not to be isolated oaks but growing ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 4:1-13, Philippians 2:1-11

Tags: Unity, Encouragement, Pastors, Networking, Healthy Churches, Fellowship, Church, Support, Revival  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Perspective And Self-Indexing

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Mar 16, 2020

A man given to day-dreaming was driving down the freeway a cell phone call came in through his blue tooth audio system. He heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!" ...read more

Scripture: Numbers 15:27-31

Tags: Perspective, Self Indexing

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Insecure Boyfriend Wanted A New Sign!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jan 4, 2021

Driving through Southern California, a man stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As he went to pay, he noticed the pretty young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. "Why the new sign?" he asked. "My boyfriend didn't approve of the old ...read more

Tags: Marriage, Humor, Jealousy

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Funny Tithing Joke!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Dec 4, 2022

When two successful businessman went sailing, a freak storm wrecked their boat and left them marooned on a deserted island. By the third day, one of the men was pacing constantly. The other man reclined peacefully on the sand. "Aren't you afraid we are going to die?" cried the ...read more

Tags: Church, Giving, Stewardship, Finances, Pastors, Tithing  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

An Illustration About Ephesians 2:9

Contributed by Jonathan Spurlock on Jun 30, 2022

The author of this illustration is G. M. Landis. I have no idea who this person is or was. I had bought a Bible at a thrift store and the piece of paper with this illustration was inside the front cover (this was a hardcover Bible). The illustration itself appears to have been written for a daily ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 2:9

Tags: Grace, Salvation, Works, G M Landis

Denomination: Baptist

Cuckoo Birds Live In Cuckoo Clocks, Right?

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 12, 2024

One day they had a contestant o WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE who made it all the way to the last question. Her name was Debra. Debra has made it to the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 17:22

Tags: Clocks, Birds, Pastor's Wives, Sermon Introductions, Pastor Jokes  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Pentecost Proves That God Wants Everyone To Know The Gospel

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 19, 2022

"Another reason for the gift of tongues was to let the people know that the Gospel was for the whole world. God wants to speak to every person in his or her own language and give the saving message of salvation in Jesus Christ! The emphasis in the Book of Acts is on worldwide evangelization, ...read more

Tags: Lost, Unsaved, Simon Peter, Love Of God, Languages, Gift Of Tongues, World, Holy Spirit, Pentecost, Gospel, Missions, Witnessing, Evangelism  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Scripture Tells Us That Everything That Exists ...

Contributed by W Pat Cunningham on Nov 12, 2011

"Scripture tells us that everything that exists does not exist by chance but is willed by God and part of his plan, at whose center is the invitation to partake, in Christ, in the divine life. Creation is born of the Logos and indelibly bears the mark of the creative Reason which orders and directs ...read more

Tags: Evolution

Denomination: Catholic

Kill The Spider!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jan 15, 2020

A man continually "rededicated" his life and always prayed the same prayer, "Lord, take the cobwebs out of my life. Oh, Lord.....take the cobwebs out of my life!" His pastor had heard this prayer more times than he cared to remember and was tired of hearing it. Finally, when ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:1-12, Hebrews 12:1-2, 2 Chronicles 7:14

Tags: Confession, Repentance, Mourning Over Sin

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

It Happened At Work…

Contributed by Loyd C. Taylor on Sep 3, 2023

Church chuckle: It Happened at work… Like the situation that a nurse shared which happened at the hospital where she works. One night a young intern came into the hospital ward shaking her head. "There’s an old man out there by the vending machines," she continued, "and he’s putting ...read more

Scripture: Colossians 3:23

Tags: Funny Stories, The Work Place, Vending Machines, Work, Humor, Labor Day  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Baptist

Best Tithing Joke Ever!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jan 31, 2022

BEST TITHING JOKE EVER! Two men were marooned on a deserted Island. One man paced back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The first man said to the second man, "Aren’t you afraid that we are about to die?" "No," said the ...read more

Tags: Giving, Stewardship, Pastors, Tithing

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Daddy, Is God Dead?

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 13, 2022

A little girl looked up at her daddy while sitting on his lap and asked, "Daddy, I need to ask you something. Is God dead?" The father said, "Honey, why in the world are you asking me such a ridiculous question! What would make you ask me such a question?" His daughter ...read more

Tags: Fathers, Children, Family, Prayer, Revival, Mothers, Home  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

The One Who Takes The Son Recieves Everything

Contributed by J Jeffrey Smead on Nov 19, 2025

The story is told ... Years ago, ... there was a very wealthy man who, ... with his devoted young son, ... shared a passion ... for collecting fine art. Together ... they traveled around the world, ... adding only the finest art treasures ... to their collection. Priceless works ... by Picasso, ...read more

Scripture: 1 John 5:11-12

Tags: Father, Jesus, Son, Everything

Denomination: Anglican

When I Think Of Stewardship (Humor)  PRO

Contributed by J Jeffrey Smead on Dec 29, 2008

When I think of stewardship it brings to mind a story about a small Church located in a farming community. The pastor of the church would call on every member of the congregation as part of the annual pledge campaign. The next home he was going to visit was Farmer Brown’s. Now Mr. Brown was ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 25:18, Proverbs 3:9, Hebrews 7:1, Matthew 6:21, Malachi 3:8-12  (view more)  (view less)

Tags: Giving, Stewardship

Denomination: Anglican

Baptist Kittens

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 5, 2023

A Church of Christ minister walked past a street corner stand that was full of kittens for sale by a little boy in his neighborhood. The sign over the kittens read, "Church of Christ kittens for sale, one week old.....$5.00 each". The minister smiled and said, "My son, you are ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 16:18

Tags: Baptists, Church, Truth, Humor, Church Of Christ  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

How Wide And Long And High And Deep Is The Love Of Christ?

Contributed by Martin Spoelstra on Sep 14, 2024

In the last century, Napoleon's armies opened a prison that the Spanish Inquisition had used. They found the remains of a prisoner who had been incarcerated for his faith. The dungeon was underground. The body had long since decayed. Only a chain fastened around an ankle bone cried out his ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 3:14-19, Romans 8:38-39

Tags: Hope, Suffering, Unconditional Love, Christ's Love

Denomination: Presbyterian/Reformed

God's Parental Sayings

Contributed by Troy Borst on Dec 19, 2022

God’s Parental Sayings The point of today’s message revolves around Jesus being the Son of God and what that means for us. That got me thinking about sayings we have all heard from our parents and things we never thought we would say. I wondered, what might God have said to Jesus… Him being His ...read more

Scripture: John 1:1

Tags: Jesus, God The Father, Parental Sayings

Denomination: Christian/Church Of Christ