In Sermon Illustrations: "Jokes"

Adam & Eve's First Argument

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 13, 2022

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to ...read more

Tags: Marriage, Adam, Suspicious, Jokes, Arguments, Eve  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Once Shaved, Always Shaved!!!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Oct 23, 2022

After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small southern town decided he had been doing that long enough. He told his wife that from then on he’d let the local barber shave him each day.The man went to the barbershop which was owned by the pastor of the local Baptist church. ...read more

Scripture: Romans 8:28-39, 1 John 5:10-13

Tags: Grace, Salvation, Humor, Eternal Security, Jokes  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Behold, I Cometh!

Contributed by Loyd C. Taylor on Aug 21, 2023

Once a pastor was frustrated because his church seemed dead and unenthusiastic. He attended a pastor’s conference for encouragement. The keynote speaker suggests sitting down quietly and creating suspense. Speak on the second coming of Christ. Then stand to the pulpit and raise your hand and shout ...read more

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 4:13

Tags: Preacher Joke, Fellowship, Meeting, Humor, Enthusiasm  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Baptist

Texas Longhorn Sermons

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Oct 16, 2023

Being from Dallas, Texas, I am pretty used to seeing the Texas Longhorns football games and also driving in the huge Texas countryside and seeing the big Texas Longhorn bulls in large, open pastures. But did you know that some pastors actually preach Texas Longhorn sermons? What is that?? A ...read more

Tags: Pastors, Texas, Jokes, Sermons, Teaching, Preaching  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Why Doesn't God Answer?

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 13, 2022

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her preacher father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day she asked him why. The Pastor was so proud that his daughter was so observant of his mesages. He smiled and answered, "Well, honey, ...read more

Tags: Jokes, Fathers, Sermons, Preachers, Children, Prayer, Pastors  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Good News, Bad News Laughs

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 13, 2022

Good News: You baptised seven people today in the river.Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The women's group voted to send you a get-well card.Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking. Bad News: They are ...read more

Tags: Jokes, Sermons, Sermon Introductions, Humor, Pastors, Churches  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Praying The Alphabet!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 12, 2022

A father walked by his daughter’s bedroom door which was cracked just enough so that he could see that she was kneeling beside her bed in prayer. Interested to find out what subjects a child would bring before God, he paused and listened. He was puzzled though to hear her reciting the alphabet: ...read more

Tags: Prayer, Humor, Lord's Prayer, Jokes, Needs, Children  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

The Date For Easter Moves Around Each Year. In ...  PRO

Contributed by Sermon Central on Sep 8, 2007

The Date for Easter moves around each year. In the year 2018 (and in 2029) it will land right on April 1st --April Fool’s Day. A lot of us have played April Fool’s jokes on others, or have had these jokes played on us. But what if history’s worst joke turned out to be that we were counting on a ...read more

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 15:12-28

Tags: Easter, Resurrection, Tomb, April Fools Day

Everything Is Changing. People Are Taking The ...

Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and ...read more

Tags: Government

Dentist

Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007

Dentist Nobody likes a complainer. A dentist once heard a patient grumbling about his fee. “Two hundred dollars – just to pull out a tooth” she exclaimed, “And you only work for one minute” “Well, if you wish,” the dentist replied, “I can pull it out slowly.” 8) ...read more

Tags: Temptation Resisting

When The Lord Fights Your Battle Satan Will ...

Contributed by Bode Ayodele on Sep 5, 2007

When the Lord fights your battle Satan will learn ...read more

Denomination: Pentecostal

Cut Out All Exclamation Points. An Exclamation ...

Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007

Cut out all exclamation points. An exclamation point is like ...read more

Tags: Miscellaneous

Asking For ...

Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 7, 2009

ASKING FOR GUIDANCE I heard a great joke this week about a man who himself had a great joke to share. He was in a dimly lit restaurant and he leaned over to the lady at the table next to him and said, "Hey, would you like to hear a very funny blond joke." The lady replied, "I’m 6’3" blonde and am ...read more

Scripture: James 5:13-16

Tags: Prayer General

The Late Great American Writer Of Children's ...

Contributed by Sermon Central on Jan 7, 2009

The late great American writer of children’s books and poetry, Phyllis McGinley (1905 - 1978): "Families that own a surface similarity of good cheer are happy families! For one thing, they like each other, which is quite a different thing from loving. For another, they have almost always, one ...read more

Tags: Family

Television . . . Is A Medium Of Entertainment ...

Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007

"Television . . . is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at ...read more

Tags: Television And Movies

You Are Grounded!!!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 15, 2022

THE PRODIGAL SON'S RETURN... We were sitting in Church a few weeks ago while the minister delivered a sermon based on the timeless story of the prodigal son. When he got to the point where the father sees his son returning and races out to meet him, the minister said loudly and with ...read more

Tags: Parables, Prodigal Son, Jokes, Prodigals, Children, Parents, Humor  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Free Indeed!

Contributed by Loyd C. Taylor on Sep 30, 2023

Once a pastor was speaking on the topic of Spiritual Freedom. He began to wax poetical in his delivery as he repeated over, and over this phrase… “I’m free! I’m free! Praise God I’m free indeed!” After service a little boy shook his hand and said, “Preacher, I’m free! I’m free! I’m free indeed!” ...read more

Scripture: John 8:32, John 8:36, John 8:21-36

Tags: Freedom, Sermons Of Jesus, Pastor Jokes, Laughter The Best Medicine

Denomination: Baptist

Boy, Have I Got News For You!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 29, 2023

A five year old boy had only one line to remember in a church Christmas pageant. Appearing in angel's garb, he was to say to the audience, "Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy! After practice, the little lad asked his mother, "What in the world does "tidings" ...read more

Scripture: Luke 2:1-12, John 1:1-12

Tags: Humor, Birth Of Christ, Christmas Jokes, Christmas, Children, Advent  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Cuckoo Birds Live In Cuckoo Clocks, Right?

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 12, 2024

One day they had a contestant o WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE who made it all the way to the last question. Her name was Debra. Debra has made it to the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 17:22

Tags: Clocks, Birds, Pastor's Wives, Sermon Introductions, Pastor Jokes  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Money

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Aug 29, 2010

Married for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some days, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem. 'Come on Liz, admit it,' he ranted, 'You only married me because my granddad left me $6 million, didn't you?' 'You really are silly, Paul,' retorted ...read more

Tags: Marriage Struggle

Denomination: Independent/Bible