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In Sermon Illustrations: "Jokes"

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  • Afterlife

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
    based on 1 rating
     | 3,985 views

    Afterlife An elderly couple passed away and found themselves at the pearly gates. Peter was there to welcome them. First he showed them their mansion. The man overwhelmed by the sheer luxury of it all asked, "How much does this place cost per night?" Peter replied, "Sir, this is Heaven, it doesn’t ...read more

  • Sure Is Hot Down Here  PRO

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Dec 3, 2007
    based on 2 ratings
     | 2,547 views

    We have many jokes about the subject of hell. Consider the supposed story of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his ...read more

  • In The Fall Of 2000 And Winter Of 2001, Any Time ...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Oct 16, 2002
    based on 4 ratings
     | 1,272 views

    In the Fall of 2000 and winter of 2001, any time you would turn on the news, you would constantly hear about the Presidential election and what one side was accusing the other of doing and vice versa. Through all the jokes and news coverage, something did occur to me as I listened while I looked ...read more

  • I Love The Story Of The Little Boy Who Told His ...  PRO

    Contributed by Charles R. Swindoll on Dec 13, 2004
    based on 5 ratings
     | 1,985 views

    I love the story of the little boy who told his mother he had determined that he was six feet tall. When she asked how he had arrived at this conclusion, he told her he had used his shoe to measure and that he was six shoes tall. With a loving smile she sweetly told him that his shoe was not twelve ...read more

  • 10 Things You Never Hear In Church  PRO

    Contributed by Michael Mccartney on Oct 12, 2005
    based on 5 ratings
     | 3,085 views

    10 Things You Never Hear in Church 1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew! 2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV ...read more

  • I See You, And Jesus Sees You

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Dec 17, 2009
    based on 1 rating
     | 6,073 views

    I SEE YOU, AND JESUS SEES YOU A burglar the neighborhood watching for homes left unguarded by people leaving for vacation. He watched as a family loaded their suitcases into their car and departed. He waited until dark and then approached the front door and rang the bell. There was no answer. The ...read more

  • Make A Wish

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 10, 2010
    based on 1 rating
     | 4,277 views

    MAKE A WISH Have you ever dreamed of finding a genie in a lamp where you could get three wishes? Our Pastor, who is in charge of the prison ministry, always tells the same joke, because the prisoner population has a new turnover each time he visits. He always sets them up by asking if they had ...read more

  • On Feb. 27, 1991, It Was The Height Of The ...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
    based on 17 ratings
     | 2,853 views

    On Feb. 27, 1991, it was the height of the Desert Storm War. A woman by the name of Ruth Dillow received the worst news that a mom could ever receive. Her son, Clayton Carpenter, Private, First Class, had stepped on a land mine in the Persian Gulf and he was . For the next three days she grieved ...read more

  • I Feel Nudged Up Into Sharing This Experience. ...  PRO

    Contributed by Samson Musyoki on Sep 25, 2007
    based on 2 ratings
     | 1,871 views

    I feel nudged up into sharing this experience. Usually, life brings with it its mysteries where at times you enjoy the Lord’s abundant provision while on other occasions you enjoy lack! In this particular day, we had no electricity in the house and there was no kerosene to light up the kerosene ...read more

  • No More Spit In Soup!

    Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 27, 2023
    based on 1 rating
     | 1,583 views

    During WWII, a military unit in the Pacific hired a local boy to cook and clean for them. Being a bunch of jokesters, they quickly took advantage of the boy’s seeming naiveté. They smeared Vaseline on the stove handles so it would get all over his hands. They put buckets of water over the door ...read more

  • Critical Thinking With Being Critical!" Matthew ...  PRO

    Contributed by Mark Brunner on Jul 12, 2004
    based on 5 ratings
     | 4,681 views

    “Critical Thinking With Being Critical!” Matthew 7: 1-5 Key verse(s): 1-2 “‘Do not judge, or you too will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.’” Chuck Swindoll tells a humorous but rather sobering tale of the other side of the coin, the flip side that ...read more

  • What's In A Name, Anyway?

    Contributed by James Snyder on Nov 16, 2019
     | 3,075 views

    I cannot express how ecstatic I was when someone gave me a coupon for a free donut. Normally, I am not overly excited about “free.” All I had to do was fill out a little survey online and they would send me a code that would guarantee me a free donut. In my “daily diary diet,” I have a whole ...read more

  • When Everything Goes My Way

    Contributed by James Snyder on Nov 7, 2020
     | 1,468 views

    I have had a certain dream many times over the years. Of course, it might lean towards being a nightmare if it does not come true. The dream is that one day in the week; I can have everything go my way. The nightmare part of that dream is that it never tells me which day everything will go my ...read more

  • A House Is A House Is A House--Until Love Comes ...

    Contributed by Richard Mcnair on Nov 4, 2004
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,358 views

    A house is a house is a house--until love comes through the door, that is. And love intuitively goes around sprinkling that special brand of angel dust that transforms a house into a very special home for very special people: your family. Money, of course, can build a charming house, but only ...read more

  • Most Of Us Are Familiar With This Song – It's The ...

    Contributed by Robert Marsh on Mar 22, 2005
    based on 1 rating
     | 33,422 views

    Most of us are familiar with this song – it’s the theme from the television show Friends. But have you ever caught the lyrics to the song? They read, in part: So no one told you life was gonna be this way Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A. It’s like you’re always stuck in ...read more

  • Buy Me Out  PRO

    Contributed by Robert Garrett on May 29, 2005
    based on 14 ratings
     | 2,796 views

    “BUY ME OUT” A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," he said. "To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn ...read more

  • Nature Is Mortal. We Shall Outlive Her. When ...

    Contributed by Clark Tanner on Mar 9, 2006
     | 1,294 views

    “Nature is mortal. We shall outlive her. When all the suns and nebulae have passed away, each one of you will still be alive. Nature is only the image; the symbol; but it is the symbol Scripture invites me to use. We are summoned to pass in through Nature, beyond her, into that splendor which ...read more

  • Hear O Israel: Listen Up!

    Contributed by Johnny Wilson on Jun 27, 2009
     | 2,024 views

    HEAR O ISRAEL: LISTEN UP! I served in a volunteer capacity as an unofficial chaplain to the Redondo Beach (California) police force. About seven or eight of us who were ministers would rotate so that we rode entire shifts with some of the officers. Police work is a contrast between tedium and ...read more

  • Hidden Treasure  PRO

    Contributed by Warren Lamb on Jul 8, 2007
    based on 2 ratings
     | 4,535 views

    Hidden Treasure The Smith House in Dahlonega, Georgia, has been sitting on a gold mine for more than a century. During renovation of the landmark hotel back in February of 2006, workers discovered the entrance to a four-foot wide hole under the concrete floor in the main dining room. The hole goes ...read more

  • Max Lucado In His Book 3:16 Notes The Following ...

    Contributed by Michael Mccartney on Jan 15, 2008
    based on 1 rating
     | 1,247 views

    Max Lucado in his book 3:16 notes the following about those living in the dead zone: a. “He, at this very moment, issues invitations by the millions. He whispers through the kindness of a grandparent, shouts through the tempest of a tsunami. Through the funeral he cautions, ‘Life is fragile.’ ...read more