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These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the
world-famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers
*Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They
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Denomination:
Baptist
Contributed by Mark Eberly on May 19, 2009
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SOIL AND SPIRITUAL SEASONS
Jesus says these people resemble the soil next to the path which in Palestine could look like decent soil but only an inch deep. Because the soil has settled there maybe blown by the wind or pushed there by the run off from the rain, it can be very fertile.
People are
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Denomination:
Church Of God
POTATO PILES
A young man came to a farm looking for work. So the farmer set him to the task immediately. He had a barn that needed painting. So the task was handed to the young man. The farmer said to himself that it would take at least three days to finish the task but in two days the young man
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Denomination:
Adventist
Contributed by Dale Pilgrim on Aug 23, 2009
THREE-FOLD REWARD
Glenys and I were only married five years and in our second church. Money was tight and our needs were overwhelming. For a variety of reasons we were down to making an important decision – give our tithe or use it to buy groceries. Our faith was simple but strong. We decided our
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Denomination:
Salvation Army
Contributed by Owen Bourgaize on Oct 19, 2009
JIM ELLIOT AND THE ECUADORIAN INDIANS
Jim Elliot was an American. He became a Christian at a young age and after university he became a missionary in Ecuador, South America. He, with a few other young missionaries wanted to reach a tribe of Indians who lived in a remote region beyond
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Denomination:
Baptist
Contributed by Curry Pikkaart on Dec 23, 2009
I guess I’ve always liked good news. When I was a student at Central College in Iowa, I worshiped at our Campus Church. Each week there was a pretty heavy prayer of confession that was usually preceded by recounting some really bad news stories of the previous week. Eventually a group of us
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Denomination:
Presbyterian/Reformed
Contributed by Peter Loughman on Mar 3, 2010
FOLLOW YOUR CONSCIENCE?
The truth is, people who strive for a clear conscience in life do not understand the seriousness of their sin.
Most you here in this room, in fact, probably all of you in this room are better drivers than I am. Now I’m not saying that I am not a skilled driver, no, I have
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Denomination:
Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by Ken Pell on Apr 6, 2010
"The Harrowing of Hell" -- "I have the keys to death and Hades"
An ancient Christian hymn found in the old hymn book "Odes of Solomon" (from the first one hundred years of the Christian church) has a climactic celebration of "The harrowing (robbing) of Hell." It gives us insight into the first
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Denomination:
Nazarene
Contributed by Dale Pilgrim on Apr 26, 2010
BIGGER THAN NOW
When you prepare to come out of high school, you go through processes in grade 11 and 12 where you evaluate future options. You might have had a conversation with your school counsellor, talking about programs and courses you needed to qualify for certain post-secondary studies.
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Denomination:
Salvation Army
Contributed by Ed Sasnett on Jun 15, 2010
based on 2 ratings
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BURMA-SHAVE AND THE CHURCH
Dan Betzer told about the old Burma Shave commercials alongside the roadside. Some of you remember how advertisers would use several well-placed slogans on signs to promote their product. Burma Shave was famous for their billboard advertisements. For example, one
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Denomination:
Baptist
Contributed by Ross Cochrane on Aug 14, 2010
TROJAN HORSE! It appears innocent enough, but it is a harmful piece of software that looks legitimate. It tricks people into loading the wrong things into their systems. It gives a hacker access to cause damage. Unless you have a good ANTIVIRUS PROGRAMME, you will get infected and your whole
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Denomination:
Evangelical/Non-Denominational
I KNEW MY FATHER WAS PLEASED
It reminds me of a story that Jonathan Goforth (1859-1936) the great Canadian missionary in China, used to tell.
Jonathan’s father put him in charge of one of the family farms at the age of 15. He drew special attention to one very large field, which had become choked
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Denomination:
Anglican
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