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In Sermon Illustrations: "Christmas Jokes"

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  • Before Performing A Baptism, The Pastor ...

    Contributed by Scott Jensen on Oct 8, 2008
    based on 2 ratings
     | 5,736 views

    Before performing a baptism, the pastor approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I ...read more

  • Money

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Aug 29, 2010
    based on 1 rating
     | 6,728 views

    Married for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some days, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem. 'Come on Liz, admit it,' he ranted, 'You only married me because my granddad left me $6 million, didn't you?' 'You really are silly, Paul,' retorted ...read more

  • There Was A Man Waiting In Line At A Check-Out ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,867 views

    There was a man waiting in line at a CHECK-OUT STAND. He seemed AGITATED and IMPATIENT and had a very SOLEMN and GLOOMY look on his face. When the CHEERY young woman at the check-out said, “Good morning” the man just GRUNTED. The woman was trying to loosen the man up by JOKING with him, but it was ...read more

  • Clarence Darrow, The Famed Criminal Lawyer Once ...  PRO

    Contributed by Jeff Strite on Oct 27, 2002
    based on 3 ratings
     | 2,146 views

    Clarence Darrow, the famed criminal lawyer once joked: "Everyone is a potential murderer. I have not killed anyone - but I ...read more

  • Fa-Who-For-Ay; Da-Who-Dor-Ay; Welcome, ...

    Contributed by Kent Kessler on Dec 27, 2006
     | 1,997 views

    "Fa-who-for-ay; da-who-dor-ay; welcome, Christmas, come this way; Fa-who-for-ay; da-who-dor-ay; welcome, Christmas, Christmas day." They continued, singing, "Christmas day is in our grasp so long as we have hands to clasp." The Grinch could hardly believe his ears. He begins to get furious, but ...read more

  • Growing Old — Phyllis Diller

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
     | 2,226 views

    Joke- Growing Old- Phyllis Diller Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty...but everything else starts ...read more

  • Harmful ...

    Contributed by K. Edward Skidmore on Nov 25, 2008
     | 1,598 views

    Harmful talk: I remember years ago, standing at the church door next to the sr. minister greeting people at the end of the service. This one guy, every week would come up to the minister and say, “Pastor, you’d better keep your eye on that youth minister or some day he’ll have your job.” Now, he ...read more

  • Economy Funnies

    Contributed by Suresh Manoharan on Feb 16, 2012
     | 5,343 views

    ECONOMY FUNNIES Even as dark clouds of depression hang somberly above the American economy (is anyone not aware?), we do see some "silver linings" of humour in them. For instance take this self-deprecatory cartoon humour of a bulging, balding entrepreneur quite used to striking big business ...read more

  • Thanks To Dennis O'gorman For This ...

    Contributed by Warner Pidgeon on Dec 19, 2007
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,350 views

    (Thanks to Dennis O’Gorman for this illustration). Ernie Smith was a bit odd, but he was a good man. For Ernie every day was Christmas. Each day he switched on his Christmas tree lights. His house was full of cards. As he passed people in the street he would wish them a Happy Christmas! On ...read more

  • Unlikely Predictions

    Contributed by Dale Pilgrim on Dec 29, 2009
     | 1,641 views

    UNLIKELY PREDICTIONS Toronto Maple Leafs – rough start to their Season. First eight games were loses. Then hope was born... we got Phil Kessel of the Boston Bruins! Haven’t won the cup since 1967 – yes, I was only 5 years old. People laugh. Leaf jokes are now hotter than Newfie jokes! Things are ...read more

  • Gullible Eve  PRO

    Contributed by Ross Cochrane on Dec 14, 2009
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,434 views

    GULLIBLE EVE My sister was a great story teller. She still is. She would tell a story so convincingly that I would believe it. A number of times her stories would trick me into giving her my pocket money, and at other times she would bring me to the edge of tears with a story that was just pure ...read more

  • Tony Campolo Said, "If You Ever Start To Feel ...  PRO

    Contributed by Andrew Chan on Jun 3, 2001
    based on 59 ratings
     | 2,180 views

    Tony Campolo said, "If you ever start to feel proud, just remember that soon after your body has been lowered into the grave, your family & friends will be ...read more

  • The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe" C. S. ...  PRO

    Contributed by Dan Waite on Nov 25, 2005
    based on 3 ratings
     | 1,771 views

    “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” C. S. Lewis noted that the effect of the rule of the White Witch, which represents evil, is to cause it to be “always winter but never Christmas.” Winter eventually wears on even those who love it. It becomes burdensome and is occasionally ...read more

  • Oops...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Oct 9, 2008
    based on 3 ratings
     | 6,392 views

    OOPS... Bill, Jim and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their ...read more

  • Henri Nouwen Said In An Article In The New ...

    Contributed by Rodney Buchanan on Dec 10, 2006
    based on 1 rating
     | 1,593 views

    Henri Nouwen said in an article in the New Oxford Review: “I realized that songs, good feelings, beautiful liturgies, nice presents, big dinners, and many sweet words do not make Christmas. Christmas is saying ‘yes’ to something beyond all emotions and feelings. Christmas is saying ‘yes’ to a ...read more

  • John ...

    Contributed by Michael Wiley on Jan 7, 2009
     | 3,037 views

    John 3:16 Introduction: Finished Shopping? What kind of gifts are you looking for? We look for gifts for Christmas that show our love for others. Joke; one man asked another, “what are you getting your wife?” “I’ll wrap myself.” “I’m not getting my wife much either.” ILL Little Sammy Williams ...read more

  • We Know That 80% Of The Town Of Meulaboh In Aceh, ...  PRO

    Contributed by John Shearhart on Feb 24, 2005
    based on 11 ratings
     | 2,931 views

    We know that 80% of the town of Meulaboh in Aceh, Indonesia was destroyed by the Tsunami waves and 80% of the people also died. This is one of the towns that was hit the hardest. But there is a fantastic testimony from Meulaboh. In that town are about 400 Christians. They wanted to celebrate ...read more

  • Apathy

    Contributed by Dr. Fred W. Penney on Jul 4, 2023
     | 995 views

    Is feeling nothing the inevitable result of believing in nothing? And then I got to feeling frightened—thinking that there might not actually be anything to believe in, in particular. I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain alive ...read more

  • Chris Seiple Writes In An Article Entitled ‘the ...  PRO

    Contributed by Jim Kane on Jan 29, 2006
    based on 5 ratings
     | 1,378 views

    Chris Seiple writes in an article entitled ‘The Politics of Christmas,’ ‘Westerners, 2,000 years removed from the first Christmas, are tempted to assume that there could hardly be anything more innocent, non-threatening, and "non-political" than a baby in a manger. Yet the birth of a baby that ...read more

  • Attending A Wedding For The First Time, A Little ...  PRO

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Jul 24, 2006
    based on 5 ratings
     | 3,869 views

    Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" ? "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for ...read more