Sermon Illustrations

A MOM’S VIEW OF HERSELF: A CONFIRMED SHOUTER

(from Forever Erma By Erma Bombeck, March 5, 1969)

Ever since President Nixon’s inaugural plea to "speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices," I’ve had misgivings about my big mouth. I’ve always admired parents who discipline their children in hushed whispers.

"Arthur, you are a naughty boy for turning on all the gas jets. Now I want you to drag your little sister out into the fresh air, give her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and apologize. Don’t make Mama have to raise her voice."

I’m a shouter. Once on a vacation, when one of the kids turned on the car heater while going through Georgia, my mother told me they felt the vibrations as far north as Port Huron, Michigan.

No one is born a shrew. I used to watch women getting flushed and angry while they chewed out their children and I’d say to myself, "My goodness, that woman is going to have a heart attack. No one should discipline a child in anger."

(I was five at the time and being flogged with a yardstick by my mother.)

Having children of my own knocked a hole in that theory.

To begin with, there were only 32 hours out of every week when I wasn’t angry, and then I was sleeping.

Also, I discovered children never took a "No" seriously unless the dishes rattled when you said it.

And the real clincher came when I discovered I had runners. "Runners" are kids who, when they commit some sin, take off for the fields, trees, basements, neighbors, attics or sewers. Did you ever try to whisper to someone you couldn’t see? I took to shouting.

We once had a neighbor who was born out of her time. She belonged in a hoopskirt eating a basket lunch at Tara. I lived next to her for four years, and not once did that disgusting old dame raise her voice. Of course, you can imagine what that made me sound like. (The Shore Patrol breaking up a floating crap game.)

Anyway, one day the boys were throwing a ball against her house and she appeared like an apparition at the door, gestured to them and said softly, "Boys, would you all come here for a moment?"

I watched her gesturing, talking and smiling. When she finished, the boys disbanded. I pounced on my son. "What did that mealy-mouthed little frail thing have to say to you boys?" "She said if we broke her windows, she’d break our faces!"

From that day forward I forgave her for her quietness. What she lacked in volume, she made up in content. What class!

I should love to follow President Nixon’s advice, but when you’ve got varicose neck veins from years of shouting, it isn’t going to be easy.

(From a sermon by Bobby Scobey, "Mother’s Day 09 - Honoring Mothers" 5/4/2009)

Related Sermon Illustrations

  • Giving In Theory  PRO

    Contributed by Susan Blader on Jan 21, 2007
    based on 3 ratings
     | 6,389 views

    Giving in Theory The story is told of the missionary who asked a new convert, “Pablo, if you had a hundred sheep, would you give fifty of them to the Lord’s work?” “You know I would gladly give them,” he replied. “Pablo, if you had fifty cows, would you give twenty-five to the Lord’s ...read more

  • The Difference Between God's Law And God's Grace  PRO

    Contributed by Austin Mansfield on Jan 20, 2007
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,752 views

    The law indeed was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ … (Verse 17) If you compare the two, you’ll find that when the Law came down, 3,000 people died. That’s in Exodus 32:28. When the Holy Spirit came down, 3,000 people were saved. That’s in Acts 2:41. ...read more

  • Captain Jack's Compass  PRO

    Contributed by Susan Blader on Jan 21, 2007
    based on 2 ratings
     | 2,788 views

    Captain Jack’s Compass In the movie, “The Pirates of the Caribbean,” Captain Jack Sparrow has a compass. It is no ordinary compass. Rather than pointing north, it points toward whatever the person holding it wants most. It might be treasure, or a person, or a location. But it only works if ...read more

  • According To Charles Haddon Spurgeon, God ...  PRO

    Contributed by Charles R. Swindoll on Sep 27, 2004
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,820 views

    According to Charles Haddon Spurgeon, God delights in impossibilities: "One man says, I will do as much as I can. Any fool can do that. He that believes in Christ does what he cannot do, attempts the impossible, and performs it. And of course it was Jesus ...read more

  • When I Was In Seminary I Was Taught That The ...  PRO

    Contributed by Bishop Raymond Allan Johnson on Feb 10, 2005
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,515 views

    When I was in seminary I was taught that the apostles and prophets were given only to get the Church started in the first century. After that time they were no longer needed. My professors presumed that when the New Testament was completed and accepted by the Church, the foundational role of ...read more

Related Sermons