Sermon Central
-
We Always Hear "The Rules" From The Feminine ... PRO
Contributed by A. Todd Coget on Feb 22, 2002 (message contributor)
We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side.
Now you get to hear the guys’ point of view.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1....
Continue reading this sermon illustration (Free with PRO)Related Sermon Illustrations
-
A Recent E-Mail Asked Readers To Reflect On The ... PRO
Contributed by Jim Kane on Jan 28, 2003
A recent e-mail asked readers to reflect on the following questions: 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five heisman trophy winners. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest. 4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the ...read more
-
Richard Dehaan Tells Of A Soldier Who Was Doing ... PRO
Contributed by Kenneth Squires on Jan 27, 2003
Richard Dehaan tells of a soldier who was doing sentry duty on the front line in WWI. After being relieved of duty, as a Christian, he wanted to pray, to thank God for protecting him and to ask specifically for his continued protection. But the enemy lines were very close and he couldn’t go far, so ...read more
-
1 Corinthians 13 — Church Version PRO
Contributed by Jim Kane on Jan 28, 2003
1 Corinthians 13 - church version “If our church could hold services in five languages or our members could speak three, but we didn’t love others, we would be all talk and no action. If our church really expressed it’s spiritual gifts with wholehearted service and we became spiritual giants, but ...read more
-
Story: St. Augustine - So The Story Goes - Was ... PRO
Contributed by Revd. Martin Dale on Jun 2, 2004
Story: St. Augustine - so the story goes - was struggling to understand the doctrine of the Trinity. So he decided to go for a walk on the beach, where he saw a little boy digging a hole in the sand with a seashell. The boy then ran off to the ocean, filling the shell, and rushed back to pour it ...read more
-
Church Membership Vows PRO
Contributed by Jim Kane on Jan 28, 2003
Church Membership Vows Will you ___________, take your church to be your church; to live together in the holy covenant of membership? Will you love, comfort, honor, and keep your church and be faithful to your church as long as you live? Do you ___________, take your church to be your church, ...read more
Related Sermons
-
"Working Together In Our Walk Together” Series
Contributed by Dave Mcfadden on May 29, 2012
If we are to walk together in meaningful relationship, we must we willing to work together on agreed upon goals and objectives.
-
How's Your Love Life?
Contributed by Chris Carroll on Apr 9, 2007
I. A Most Excellent Love Life Is The Best Thing In Life! II. A Most Excellent Love Life Will Perform Well III. A Most Excellent Love Life Will Be Positive:
-
-
Forgiveness Series
Contributed by Jeffery Anselmi on Nov 13, 2009
Forgiveness is SO important for a relationship to be healthy.
-
The Priority And Protocol Of Love In Marriage Series
Contributed by Jerry Gatson on Jan 17, 2008
The love expressed by a husband and wife for one another is a reflection of a love for God and a love for one’s self.
