Did My Body Warranty Just Expire?

Just when I recover from the latest ache in my body within a few minutes, I will get a “Boo, I’m back.”

I’m not quite sure why these Aches and Pains love my body so much. Why don’t they just get over it and move on to another circus. The problem is, after I’m through with one ache, the next ache is just a wee bit more painful. I think the previous ache is just a practice for the next ache.

Getting up from bed the other day, I complained to The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage that my body was achy all over. I’m not sure why I thought she needed to know about all of these aches and pains, but I had to spill my beans.

After my lecture, she looked at me and said, “Maybe you need some body parts replaced.” Then she continued, “I know an antique store I could take you.”

I did not find that very funny, and smiled sarcastically at her and went to my office to complain to myself.

I’ve been to the doctor quite a few times in the last few years to deal with a variety of body aches and pains. He prescribed to me so much medicine that I kind of believe I’m a drug addict at this point. I have a pill for every ache and pain in my body along with subsitutes.

While in my office, the telephone rang, and it was, you guessed it, a call reminding me that my car warranty was about to expire. Of course, I have no such warranty on any of my vehicles. However, it did get me to think about something.

Is my body warranty on the verge of expiring?

I’m waiting for someone to call me and offer me a renewed body warranty. That would solve a lot of my problems, I think.

In the meantime, I have to settle for what I got.

I started to chuckle. I discovered The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is having an affair with Mr. Arthur Ritis. He’s in her hand, fingers, and knee. No matter where she goes, Arthur goes along with her. I will never know why she puts up with Arthur.

Some of my worst pain is a pain in the neck. I get this so often as I get older. When I was younger, I had no pain of this nature. But getting older, I’ve had this pain in the neck. Personally, I want to be a pain in the neck to somebody, like The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. I know what would happen if I were a pain in her neck. She would say something very nice at my funeral.

I was having a little trouble with my hip, and was tempted to ask her to take me to her favorite antique store. After all, what did I have to lose in that regard?

When I told her, she smiled at me and said, “I don’t think I can. I’m afraid they will want to keep you.”

Talk about a pain in the neck?

As I get older, I am trying to learn how to deal with all the aches and pains that come daily. As soon as I get used to one pain, a new one shows up and I have to start all over again. Why isn’t there one pain pill to deal with all the pain in my body?

I tried several things to deal with my pain. First of course is the doctor. Every time the doctor sees me he smiles and greets me very heartily. I used to think he was happy to see me, but then I realized when I went to him, he was getting money out of my insurance, Medicare, and whatever else I have. Realizing this, I began to understand that to all those doctors I am an ATM machine. I guess I’m glad that my pain benefits somebody in this world.

Another thing I try to deal with is ignoring my pain. Pretending it doesn’t exist. That doesn’t always work.

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage asks is, “How are your aches and pains today?”

It’s hard to ignore them when somebody is always talking about them.

Then there’s another aspect of this. I am learning that although these aches and pains are a curse, they are also a blessing. I never knew that before.

When The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage asks me to do something I don’t want to do, I start complaining. “Oh, dear, I’d love to, but my shoulder hurts so much. I just can’t do it.”

I’m not sure she believes me or not, but it works most of the time, and I’m happy with anything I can get.

I might never get used to my aches and pains. But if I can turn them into an advantage, that will be a very happy day for me.

I then thought of one of my favorite verses in the Bible. James 1:2-4, “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

A pain sometimes helps me to be patient and learn a new lesson of patience in life.