Unintentionally Humorous Texts: What Are They Doing Here?

Introduction: David had fled to Achish, king of Gath, in the land of the Philistines once before to escape Saul, the king of Israel and his own father-in-law (1 Samuel 21)! Now it’s a few years later and, once again, Saul is chasing David and, again, David fled to Gath. This time, David and his men had stayed there for sixteen months. But now, again there was war between the Philistines and Israel, so what was David and his men going to do?

Text: 1 Samuel 29:1-5, KJV: 1 Now the Philistines gathered together all their armies to Aphek: and the Israelites pitched by a fountain which is in Jezreel. 2 And the lords of the Philistines passed on by hundreds, and by thousands: but David and his men passed on in the rereward with Achish. 3 Then said the princes of the Philistines, What do these Hebrews here? And Achish said unto the princes of the Philistines, Is not this David, the servant of Saul the king of Israel, which hath been with me these days, or these years, and I have found no fault in him since he fell unto me unto this day? 4 And the princes of the Philistines were wroth with him; and the princes of the Philistines said unto him, Make this fellow return, that he may go again to his place which thou hast appointed him, and let him not go down with us to battle, lest in the battle he be an adversary to us: for wherewith should he reconcile himself unto his master? should it not be with the heads of these men? 5 Is not this David, of whom they sang one to another in dances, saying, Saul slew his thousands, and David his ten thousands?

The history

Chapters 23-26 of I Samuel record several encounters between David and Saul—and they weren’t always friendly. Finally David, once again, had had enough of dodging Saul so the, once again, fled to Achish, king of Gath in the land of the Philistines. This may have been the same Achish from David’s first “visit” but we can’t be for sure.

At any rate, David and his men lived in Ziklag (1 Samuel 27:5-7), which at the time was a Philistine city. They lived there for 16 months and had conducted raids on various tribes. One of these tribes was the Amalekites: Saul, earlier, had been commanded to destroy all of them but he didn’t and that, for the LORD, was the last straw, so to speak (1 Samuel 15).

All of these were enemies of Israel as well as the Philistines, apparently, but David soon got himself into a problem. He returned to Achish (we’re never told why) and declared to him, “Oh, yes, we attacked Judah and some other places!” To which Achish replied, in so many words, “David attacked his own people; they’re going to hate him; and I have a new servant!”

But now, as mentioned, there was another war between Israel and the Philistines and the Philistines were about to march into Israel. 1 Samuel 28:1-2 show how Achish wanted David to go into battle, against Israel (!), as part of the Philistine army! David agreed and said, “No problem, now you can really see what I can do!” Once Achish heard this, he wanted to make David his own personal bodyguard!

Then, according to 1 Samuel 29:1-4, when the Philistines were about to head towards Israel, here was David and his men, 600 of them, as kind of a rear-guard. I don’t know enough about infantry tactics to understand this, but it was clear that Achish was expecting David to march with the Philistines, and David seemed ready to honor that request.

Yet all wasn’t peaceful on the home front, as Achish was about to find out.

The humor

Achish was facing a loyal deserter (yes, I know, that seems like a flat contradiction or “paradox”) in David along with thousands of his own soldiers, who had known all about David ever since the days of Goliath! So, what was he going to do?

The princes of the Philistines were among the first to raise the issue of David and his men. They asked Achish, in so many words, “What are THEY doing here?”

Achish then told them, “Look, he fled Israel, he and his men came to me for refuge and protection, and I haven’t found any fault in him to this day! So, what’s the problem (implied)?” He had to remember David’s words, admittedly false, when he said, “I attacked Judah!” so maybe he bought David’s act in pretending to be a deserter!`

Then to top it off, the princes demanded of Achish, “Get them out of here! How do you know they won’t turn against us once the battle starts? And don’t forget, ‘Saul has slain his thousands and David his tens of thousands!’”

Even though David protested (how sincere was this?), Achish did what he thought he had to do—he released David from serving him and then he told him, in so many words, to LEAVE.

The humor is again a bit abstract but to think the very Hebrew warrior who had killed their champion warrior—and then escaping to that warrior’s own home town, twice—then offering to fight against his own people is one of the most laughable things I’ve ever heard! Oh, sure, there are traitors, but not David.

No, David knew one day he would be king of Israel and I doubt he ever forgot it. Sure, David made his share of mistakes—this, one of the worst, I would say—but God forgave and restored David to where he needed to be, and one day, David was indeed crowned as King.

And he never again fled to any of the Philistines!

Scripture quotations taken from the King James Version of the Bible (KJV)