Mr. Cold, Please Go Away

Dr. James L. Snyder

The older I get, the more allergic I am to cold. So whenever the temperature dips below my age number, that is too cold for me.

I know some people relish the cold; that person is not me..

There are some things that I enjoy being cold. I like my iced tea to be very cold, making it rather delicious. So whenever I drink any soda (please don’t let the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage know), I like it very cold. The colder, the better as far as I’m concerned.

I will not mention any names that I like to give the cold shoulder to. And, from the other side of the situation, some people give me a very cold shoulder.

Lately, it’s been rather cold in our neighborhood. I live in Florida, and the expectation is that it will never get cold. So I’m thinking of suing the governor of Florida because the government says that Florida is the sunshine state.

To walk out of my front door in the morning and start shivering is not my idea of the sunshine state. I want to bask in the heavenly delight of the sun shining on me. I’m getting too old to shiver very long.

Being cold is not something I enjoy. The older I get, the less I can tolerate cold weather. I believe it should be illegal for any cold weather to penetrate the sunshine state of Florida. Where are those politicians when we need them?

I know that cold weather does have its purpose, but I haven’t found that purpose in my life yet. When I was younger, it wasn’t so bad. I lived up north, where it snowed a lot, and as a young person, I loved playing in the snow. We did what was called snow angels, and I enjoyed that.

Today, however, there is nothing angelic to me about snow. I love snow cones, but that’s an entirely different situation. I also love ice cold ice cream on my Apple pie.

Even here in Florida, the temperature sometimes dips below my comfort zone. But, as I said, shivering is not my favorite exercise. When the temperature goes down, I don’t go out.

With the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage it is a different story. She is from the state of New York, where they invented freezing weather.

When the temperature goes up in our home, she is not happy. When the temperature goes down, I’m not happy. Fortunately, we can meet in the middle and be happy.

One of the friendly little arguments that we have in the parsonage is, “Will there be snow in heaven?”

She has this long argument proving that there will be snow in heaven because God created snow. “To me,” she will argue, “snowflakes look like angels.” I can’t argue against that because I don’t know what angels look like.

Then she will tell me about those “snow angels” that she and her siblings used to do when it snowed. So I can’t argue against that.

I hate to admit it again, but she won that argument.

Then she threw a curveball at me and said, “Don’t you know that the other place than heaven is hot?”

Okay. She got me; what else can I do or say?

I still am not too friendly with cold, and I want to do everything I can to invite Mr. Cold to go back to his home, wherever that might be.

I know there is nothing I can do about the cold weather. But that does not mean I don’t try.

Every morning, during this cold season, I get up, go outside, shake my fist in the air and say as hot as I can, “Mr. Cold, go home and don’t come back.” Then I give him my infamous grimace and stick out my tongue.

So far, it hasn’t worked, but it does give me the satisfaction that at least I’m trying to do something to get rid of all of this cold.

One morning when I came back into the house after growling at Mr. Cold, I came face-to-face with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

“What,” she said with both hands on her hip, “do you think you are doing?”

“I’m getting rid of Mr. Cold,” I said.

“Have you lost all your marbles, or are you hiding one?”

I did not know how to answer that question because I couldn’t think of any marble I had left.

“Don’t you know that there is nothing you can do about the cold?” She said, looking at me with one of those sarcastic stares that she’s famous for.

“Yes,” I said with a dreary look on my face. “But I gotta do something even if it’s not the right thing to do to get rid of this, Mr. Cold.”

There are many things in life that I try to control that I don’t like, but I have no success in doing it. For some reason, there is a feeling of satisfaction in knowing that at least you’re doing something even if it doesn’t work.

There is a better plan. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Who knows, maybe someday somebody will figure out how to send Mr. Cold back to his home.