Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
NEWSPAPER MISPRINTS
It does not take a lot to cause misunderstandings. Just listen to these misprints from local newspapers.
From the Chichester Evening News: "Miss Hampshire ... is friendly, likeable, and easy to talk to. She has a fine, fair skin, which she admits ruefully comes out in freckles
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
Quote: Peter Marshall:
• "You are leaving port under sealed orders and in a troubled period.
• You cannot know whither you are going or what you are to do.
• You cannot know whither you are going or what you are to do.
• But why not take the Pilot on boar;
• Who knows the nature of your sealed
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
WHY YOU'RE TIRED
In a 24-hour period, if you’re an adult of average weight, here is what you accomplish:
• Your heart beats 103,689 times
• Your blood travels 168,000,000 miles
• You breathe 23,040 times
• You inhale 438 cubic feet of air.
• You eat 3.25 pounds of food
• You drink 2.9 quarts
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
INTELLIGENCE: DO YOU STILL HAVE YOURS?
A little boy asked his mum a question: "Mum, where did I get my intelligence from?"
She replied, "I guess you
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
THEY SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE
They experts said it was physically impossible for a human being to run a mile in four minutes. Our bone structure was all wrong, the wind resistance was too great, our lung power was inadequate. There appeared to be a 101 reasons why it could not be done!
Then one
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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FACT VS. FAITH
A pastor was speaking to his people on the relationship between fact and faith.
He said, "That you are sitting before me in this church--is fact. That I am standing here, speaking from this
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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THE WISDOM OF CHILDREN
Patrick aged 10: "Never trust a dog to watch your food."
Michael aged 14: "When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him."
Joel, aged 10: "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a cricket bat."
Andrew aged 9: "Puppies still have bad breath
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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"HAVE FAITH"
My husband, Ron, once taught a class of mentally impaired teenagers. Looking at his students’ capabilities rather than their limitations, Ron got them to play chess, restore furniture and repair electrical appliances. Most important, he taught them to ‘have faith’ that is to believe
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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LIVING BY FAITH
Faith is part of everyday living.
e.g. When you are ill,
you go to a doctor whose name you can’t pronounce.
He gives you a prescription you cannot read.
You take it to a pharmacist you have never seen.
He gives you
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
REPEAT AFTER ME
A pilot was flying a plane-load of passengers to their destination when suddenly the rudder malfunctioned. He radioed the control tower in panic, and shouted, "The RUDDER has malfunctioned! What shall I DO?"
The air traffic controller radioed back, "Keep calm, Captain. Just
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
MORE THAN A BLACK MARK
A preacher was addressing his congregation when he held up a large piece of paper. He then took from his pocket a marker pen and made a black dot in the centre of it. Then he held the paper up before the people and asked them what they saw.
One person quickly replied, "I
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
LUTHER'S DREAM
In a dream, Martin Luther found himself being attacked by Satan. The devil unrolled a long scroll containing a list of Luther's sins and held it before him. On reaching the end of the scroll Luther asked the devil, "Is that all?"
"No," came the reply, and a second scroll was
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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THE ROOT BEARS THE FRUIT
A farmer one planted two fruit trees on opposite sides of his property. The one he planted to provide a hedge hide the unsightly view of an old landfill; the other to provide shade to rest under near a cool mountain stream which ran down beside his fields. As the two
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
It does not matter where He places me or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me. For the easiest positions, He must give grace; and in the most difficult, His grace is sufficient. So, if God places me in great perplexity, must He not give me much guidance? In positions of great
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
BELIEVING THE ANCIENT RECORD
On January 6, 1822, Heinrich Schliemann was born. He would one day achieve world renown and great wealth. When Heinrich Schliemann was seven years old, a picture of ancient Troy in flames captured his imagination. Contrary to what many people believed, Heinrich argued
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
Quote: Church Pastor and author A. W. Tozer said:
"Grace is the good pleasure of God that inclines him to bestow benefits on the undeserving."
Quote: The late Reformed scholar Louis Berkhof is more to the point when he says:
"Grace is the unmerited
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
Quote: Robert Orben:
Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal words: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, We shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
FIGHTING THE WOLVES
There was a pastor of a local Church who was concerned about some unsavoury business outside his local school. His protests finally led to a court case and the opposing barrister tried to do everything he could to discredit the pastor.
"Are you a pastor?" the lawyer
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