Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
SHOOTING AT THE SAINTS
It is said that when the British and French were fighting in Canada in the 1750s, Admiral Phipps was the commander of the British fleet. He was given orders to anchor outside Quebec. His orders were to wait for the British land forces to arrive, then support them when they
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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NO RECORD ANYWHERE
My friend Dr. Roy Gustafson has the finest illustration of justification I have ever heard. It seems that there was a man in England who put his Rolls-Royce on a boat and went across to the continent to go on a holiday. While he was driving around Europe, something happened to
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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RAVI ZACHARIAS: A LECHEROUS HEART
One of the most powerful stories I have ever heard on the nature of the human heart is told by Malcolm Muggeridge. Working as a journalist in India, he left his residence one evening to go to a nearby river for a swim. As he entered the water, across the river he
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
DOCTORS: What They Say and What They Actually Mean
What they say: "It could be one of several things."
What they mean: "I haven't the foggiest idea what's wrong with you."
What they say: "Are you sure you haven't had this before?"
What they mean: "Because you've got it again."
What they say:
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
There was a minister out taking a walk on a beautiful street. He noticed a small boy attempting to ring the doorbell on the porch of a house. The boy was short and the doorbell was higher than usual. The boy could not quite reach it.
The minister stepped up to the porch beside the boy and reached
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
NEWSPAPER MISPRINTS
It does not take a lot to cause misunderstandings. Just listen to these misprints from local newspapers.
From the Chichester Evening News: "Miss Hampshire ... is friendly, likeable, and easy to talk to. She has a fine, fair skin, which she admits ruefully comes out in freckles
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
Quote: Peter Marshall:
• "You are leaving port under sealed orders and in a troubled period.
• You cannot know whither you are going or what you are to do.
• You cannot know whither you are going or what you are to do.
• But why not take the Pilot on boar;
• Who knows the nature of your sealed
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
WHY YOU'RE TIRED
In a 24-hour period, if you’re an adult of average weight, here is what you accomplish:
• Your heart beats 103,689 times
• Your blood travels 168,000,000 miles
• You breathe 23,040 times
• You inhale 438 cubic feet of air.
• You eat 3.25 pounds of food
• You drink 2.9 quarts
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
INTELLIGENCE: DO YOU STILL HAVE YOURS?
A little boy asked his mum a question: "Mum, where did I get my intelligence from?"
She replied, "I guess you
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
THEY SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE
They experts said it was physically impossible for a human being to run a mile in four minutes. Our bone structure was all wrong, the wind resistance was too great, our lung power was inadequate. There appeared to be a 101 reasons why it could not be done!
Then one
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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FACT VS. FAITH
A pastor was speaking to his people on the relationship between fact and faith.
He said, "That you are sitting before me in this church--is fact. That I am standing here, speaking from this
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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THE WISDOM OF CHILDREN
Patrick aged 10: "Never trust a dog to watch your food."
Michael aged 14: "When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him."
Joel, aged 10: "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a cricket bat."
Andrew aged 9: "Puppies still have bad breath
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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"HAVE FAITH"
My husband, Ron, once taught a class of mentally impaired teenagers. Looking at his students’ capabilities rather than their limitations, Ron got them to play chess, restore furniture and repair electrical appliances. Most important, he taught them to ‘have faith’ that is to believe
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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LIVING BY FAITH
Faith is part of everyday living.
e.g. When you are ill,
you go to a doctor whose name you can’t pronounce.
He gives you a prescription you cannot read.
You take it to a pharmacist you have never seen.
He gives you
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
REPEAT AFTER ME
A pilot was flying a plane-load of passengers to their destination when suddenly the rudder malfunctioned. He radioed the control tower in panic, and shouted, "The RUDDER has malfunctioned! What shall I DO?"
The air traffic controller radioed back, "Keep calm, Captain. Just
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
MORE THAN A BLACK MARK
A preacher was addressing his congregation when he held up a large piece of paper. He then took from his pocket a marker pen and made a black dot in the centre of it. Then he held the paper up before the people and asked them what they saw.
One person quickly replied, "I
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
LUTHER'S DREAM
In a dream, Martin Luther found himself being attacked by Satan. The devil unrolled a long scroll containing a list of Luther's sins and held it before him. On reaching the end of the scroll Luther asked the devil, "Is that all?"
"No," came the reply, and a second scroll was
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Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 27, 2010
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THE ROOT BEARS THE FRUIT
A farmer one planted two fruit trees on opposite sides of his property. The one he planted to provide a hedge hide the unsightly view of an old landfill; the other to provide shade to rest under near a cool mountain stream which ran down beside his fields. As the two
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