Wise Up About Sex Series

"Cheating was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. I don’t know that we wouldn’t have gotten a divorce, but I felt really bad that I cheated on my wife. I didn’t want a divorce. I didn’t even really want to be with that woman; it just that she was telling me what I wanted to hear…It all felt fine until right after it happened. Then I just felt terrible" (Men’s Health December, 1998).

Finally, according to v. 14, we’ll experience public humiliation. The father of one of my students at the college I teach at had an affair while my student was just 13 years old. My student’s dad was the pastor of a church, and this student at the age of 13 years old watched as his father’s infidelity was made public to the entire church and his father was removed from ministry. Imagine the life changing impact of that experience on that young man.

All of these consequences are sobering. Perhaps we could sum up these consequences this way. WHEN WE STEP OUTSIDE OF GOD’S BOUNDARIES FOR SEX, WE END UP HURTING OURSELVES.

It’s been said, "We don’t break God’s laws, but they break us." That phrase means that God’s ethical imperatives aren’t arbitrary rules that God pulled out of a hat. But God gave us these ethical absolutes for our own welfare, to protect us from the kinds of consequences we read about here. God’s sexual boundaries are an expression of his love for the human race. When we reject those boundaries, we hurt ourselves.

3. The Alternative (Proverbs 5:15-19)

This brings us to the alternative. I think Christianity has gotten a bad rap on the issue of sexuality. People have thought that Christianity was anti-sex. Often the media in our country characterizes Christians as prudes, puritan fanatics who’re repressed and try to restrict everyone else’s fun. But the Bible has a very positive view of sexuality. And the alternative to sexual sin isn’t repression or pretending that our sexuality doesn’t exist.

Look at the alternative in vv. 15-19. This section is striking in its frankness and honesty. The author uses the metaphor of water to describe our own sexuality. He encourages his son to stay within the sexual boundaries of marriage. The marriage bed is likened to a well or a cistern in his yard, that place where he finds water to refresh his soul and strengthen his body.

This reflects a profoundly positive attitude toward our sexuality. Here we find God’s blessing on human sexuality. May your sexuality be blessed. God is not against human sexuality. He’s the one who created it, he’s the one who thought of it, he’s the one who wired us as sexual beings, as men and women.

Yet v. 18 also gives us the context for this blessing: marriage. Rejoice in your wife or your husband. The Bible never talks about sex without also thinking about marriage. God’s creation intention in Genesis chapters 1 and 2 are always in the backdrop of the Bible’s discussion of human sexuality. You see, God’s creation of the first man and the first woman provides the context for human sexuality.

In v. 19 Proverbs borders on erotica as it reflects on the seductive beauty of a wife to her husband. The gracefulness of a deer was a common metaphor for beauty in the ancient world. Perhaps if Proverbs was being written today, the wife would be called a "fox," but here she’s called a doe and a graceful deer. The word translated "captivated" in v. 19 usually means "intoxicated with wine." The idea is that the husband is intoxicated with his passion and desire for his wife. This is how a husband and wife feel about each other on their wedding day, when their brimming with idealism and excitement. The idea is for this erotic passion to be cultivated throughout the marriage.