Whose Righteousness

Philippians 3:9 And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith.

In my early Christian life I avoided sinners like the plague except to witness to them. Not that I disliked them personally, but I did not want them to rub off on me since I had recently just rubbed that life off of me.

Indeed, as a naive Christian, I got mixed up with a grace preaching, but not a grace living group because I thought they were right since they had such strong bombastic preaching and looked good so they must be right.

Consequently, some of the unbelievers called me holier than thou and a holy roller even though I was a Baptist, not a Pentecostal. Seemed like every time I tried to prove them wrong something would go wrong and drove me back into the sit back and find an opportunity to witness moment, but otherwise keep interaction to a minimum.

Anyway, my group of the time had a long list of standards, mostly external appearance and dos and don'ts. For simplicity, call it a dirty dozen. I got in trouble with one pastor because I had a dirty baker's dozen.

They also had a tendency to blast sinners from the pulpits and because they sounded so strong and prophet like I fell in with that. After sometime, I found out that I could not keep up with all of this and had many questions. They were often unanswered and we were basically not to question the pastor because that would be "going up against God's man" or "touching His anointed." Indeed, God might kill you or your kids for doing stuff like that or for not tithing as I heard one lad say.

For many years, I lived with these folks because there were things I believed that are not held by many other groups so I thought I would have to compromise my convictions.What I did not see was that I had to do the same with the group I was with as I became more skilled in the Word and saw many inconsistencies. I did try for five years with a similar, but more Liberal group and then went back.

Sadly, I also fell into their Phariseeism and their hypocrisy. It was so easy to lash out at other people's sins while justifying or excusing my own. People who did not match up to my Baptist standards were second class or their salvation was questioned.

I guess I am a little slow or was just afraid of leaving that group as where would I go? I was questioning many things and was a closet listener to Contemporary music and stopped preaching on certain topics and tried to be more compassionate the more i saw my own need for mercy and grace.

It came to a head a few years ago when I asked God to cleanse and purge me. DO NOT ask for that, if you do not really want it. That can be quite an eye opener. Anyway, I realized that I just did not fit in anymore with that group. I believe that God has moved me on to a new phase of my journey. Where I am may not be perfect, but then again, neither am I.

I was told that God's people would accept me and I more accepted where i am than I ever was with the other group. I have had more peace and joy where I am, but I have lots of wounds to heal and demons to defeat so I will need their love and acceptance as the process continues as i may experience flashbacks and say or do something in a way that is more like the old than the new I am pursuing.

Self-righteous sounding? No, I am like Paul as I know that in my flesh dwelleth no good thing. Without grace and His righteousness, I have absolutely nothing, A dear lady at church took me to task a bit for saying that God is better to me than I deserve, I understand her point, but I know me better than she does and I do not deserve anything good that I have in my life. I have what I have by the grace of God and part of that grace is the wife He gave me whose name comes from the Greek word for grace or gift.

Had He not intervened in my life in more ways than I will know on this side I would be a wretch in a ditch dying from alcoholism, divorced numerous times or been shot by someone or a myriad of other bad scenarios. No, I am one who knows that he desperately needs the righteousness of faith or I am lost and hopeless.