When Love Hurts

“When Jesus had said these things, He became troubled in spirit, and testified and said, “Truly, truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me.” John 13:21.

We are called to love and forgive. But how do you forgive those who have hurt you in ways that are beyond understanding? How do you reconcile with them when their words and actions have broken your heart? How can you move past the hurt to forgiveness and love?

Our LORD has been there. Jesus Christ understands our pain more than we know.

Is there anything more painful than the wounds caused by betrayal? Even today, the name Judas is synonymous with “betrayer.” For over three years, Judas lived with Jesus. He and the other disciples witnessed the power, and character of Jesus daily. Yet he betrayed his LORD. Judah, the man of Kerioth, was part of the inner circle, one of the Twelve disciples of Jesus. Yet, he hurt the One who loves him unconditionally. Every miracle, parable, sermon, and every single act of compassion, was designed by Jesus to reveal His identity and purpose to His disciples. Eleven of them got the message; Judas never did! He was a friend and an associate pastor who broke bread at Jesus’ table. Yet, Judas lifted his hands in betrayal. After receiving the traitor's kiss, Jesus addressed Judas as “friend.” A kiss speaks of love, affection, tenderness, respect and intimacy. Strangers would never greet each other with a kiss, for it was a greeting reserved only for the most special of relationships. A kiss is a symbol of commitment, obligations, and covenant. Yet Judas betrayed his friend with a kiss.

Have you been hurt by someone you loved? Maybe there is a pastor who has taken a break from the pulpit because of this. Indeed, betrayal hurts deeply because it’s personal. It destroys the foundation of trust. But if you allow your hurt to fester and grow, it will only make you bitter and sick. Life is too short to go through it with bitterness. Loving like Jesus is the best way to live. God, who is love and who loved us, commands us to love one another.

“7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 1 John 4:7-11.

Love is meant to be protective. But what happens when your heart is hurt by the ones you love? Relationships should erase our tears, not our smiles. So what happens, when the one who should be making you smile is the author of your tears? In truth, love is costly!

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18-19.

So often, people say they love each other, but, as soon as one gets angry, out comes the list of past wrongs! Accusations fly, painful memories are brought up, and bygones are no longer bygones. This ought not to be so! Love does not keep a record of wrongs. When Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” Matthew 18:21-22. True love genuinely forgives, and it doesn’t repeat past sins.

“4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

True love is more than a feeling. Love is patience. It can tolerate pain or suffering without complaining. True love is kind. It has a gentle, caring and compassionate heart. True love feels your sorrow; it feels your joy. It doesn’t deliberately cause pain. True love is not envious. It is thankful for what it has and thankful for what’s to come. It doesn’t envy others or what they have. True love is humble. It is not boastful, arrogant or proud. It is humble enough to admit its own mistakes and strives daily to correct them. True love forgives. It is respectful. True love doesn’t put you into a place of shame or humiliation. Love is selfless. It is always thoughtful and concerned about the welfare of others. True love is not selfish, inconsiderate, and greedy. The love heart is deep and its mind is not narrow. It keeps forgiving. True love always does the right thing. It disciplines itself to avoid hurting others. True love is honest. It is truthful. It doesn’t lie and hide in darkness. It always protects you and wants you to be safe. True love trusts unconditionally. It recognizes your abilities, talents, skills and the good things in you. True love is hopeful of a better time. It is optimistic. True love sees a bright future together. True love is persistent. It doesn’t easily give up. True love is not fearful or insecure. It loves genuinely. True love does well even to those who hate it.