What Women Wish Men Knew About Them Series

Second is intimacy. Women spell intimacy with four letters: T-A-L-K. For many women, talking is a way to work through her thoughts feelings, ideas and problems. This is the way women are hard-wired. Talking allows them to process their thoughts and emotions. They think out loud, sharing the process of inner discovery with an interested listener. Studies have found that men say 3 times as many words in public as they do in private while women say 3 times as many words in private as they do in public. That’s why these times of sharing are so important to women as they explore and discover what they think and feel. This allows her to feel more centered and ultimately feel better as a result.

Emotional intimacy occurs when her viewpoint is validated, listened to, empathized with and understood. This connects with the deepest part of her soul. Your wife needs to feel heard and understood. She needs to know she has your undivided attention and are the most important thing to her in that moment. A woman needs to have you see and experience the world the way they do. In these moments, she isn’t looking for advice or a solution but rather knowing that she is known and understood. She is looking to have her feelings validated and accepted. All they need in these moments is a listening ear, an empathizing heart, a comforting hug or a loving statement of their feelings like, “You’re under a lot of pressure, aren’t you?”

Counselor Leslie Parrot states that a women’s need for emotional intimacy is as intense as a man’s physical need for sex. If this need is not met, she may withdraw from you emotionally and physically to protect herself because she feels threatened, devalued or emotionally unsafe with you. She may look elsewhere to have her needs met. This is why most affairs for a woman start as an emotional affair.

Third is spiritual intimacy. Dr. Gary Rosenberg shares a letter he received: “Many a good Christian book for men sit on the end table beside my husband’s chair. I’ve read most of them, and they are terrific, helpful books with all kinds of wonderful advice. My husband never picks them up. He hasn’t read any of them, so how could he ever apply any of the good stuff that’s in there. I dust them off and put them back in their places each week. They look real good when we have guests, and I’m sure everyone must think he’s a super husband. The truth is, he’s a lousy husband. He puts on a good show and attends Promise Keepers and brings home more of those great books. We attend church together, and he attends leadership meetings and is active in our church. He considers himself to be a good Christian man….(But) Our marriage is not at all what I expected it to be. I thought we would have an intimate relationship, emotionally, physically (and spiritually)….I thought we would have a daily Bible study and prayer together because he appeared to be such a good Christian man…..Frankly, I’m fed up. I’m not sure I want to continue in a marriage like this.”

Spiritual intimacy for a woman can take many forms but it includes her husband’s own spiritual growth and their shared spiritual growth as a couple. It encompasses their communication about spiritual matters like making decisions according to the Bible and how to apply the Bible in their lives and marriage. A wife also wants her husband’s spiritual leadership in the home. Too often it’s the wife who plays this role alone in the home. A wife longs to experience the fulfillment that comes from knowing you love God and are willing to serve Jesus by being an effective husband and father and by leading the way. So lead by example. Be the spiritual leader in the home, by modeling a life filled with prayer, Bible study, service, reading Christian books to feed your soul, and teaching and training your children in the faith.