What Prayer Isn't

The widow of the parable was pretty frustrated. In the Army, if soldiers feel they’ve been treated unfairly, they have several options: They can use their chain-of-command, see the Chaplain, contact Equal Opportunity, call the Inspector General’s office, or even write their Senator. We have the very best option of resolving our problems: Prayer. I had a minor disagreement with my Battalion Commander and told him I was going to go over his head and pray about it. He said “No fair, Chaplain!”

Even though we pray, we may wonder at times: “Why do I pray? What does it accomplish?” Along the way, we may pick up some misperceptions. I want to talk about what prayer isn’t.

We may think of prayer as magic, like conjuring an incantation. Prayer isn’t a charm; there’s no magic formula which, if said right, guarantees a desired result. We may wonder if we say all the right words. We need to demystify prayer. It is speaking to God, as we are, expressing who we are, and what we’re doing. It is sharing our hopes and dreams, our failures and insecurities, to the One who cares.

We may think of prayer as a deal we make: “God, if you just get me out of this mess, I’ll do anything You want!” We’ve all heard versions of this foxhole negotiation. Usually when the crisis passes, the promise is forgotten. Even if the promise is remembered, that is not how prayer works. God doesn’t make deals. We don’t haggle with Him. Prayer is not a transaction, and not a desperate last resort. Prayer is our steering wheel, not our spare tire. If we only pray when we’re in trouble, we’re in trouble!

We may think prayer is complicated. Prayer is simply spending time with God, speaking to our best Friend. There are no secrets to prayer, no special techniques. You don’t need to try to impress God with eloquence. Just draw near to God and He will draw near to you. The disciples asked Jesus how to pray and He gave them a simple blueprint to follow, what we call the Lord’s Prayer.

We may think we’re too sinful to pray, or too insignificant. If you’ve ever felt too guilty to pray, you’re not alone. Shame makes us feel that God doesn’t want us to talk to Him. If only holy people deserved to pray, no one would qualify! Do you believe John 3:16? You’re part of the “whosoever.” We’re all broken people, and that’s why we need to pray! Sure we’re not worthy; that’s what grace is all about--God accepting us.

We may think that if we can get enough people praying for us, God will surely give us what we’re asking for. Our arithmetic is faulty; God doesn’t answer “yes” because lots of people prayed. The purpose of asking people to pray for us has nothing to do with strength-in-numbers. It has to do with us needing to bear one another’s’ burdens. Prayer is taking on the pain of others. Prayer is an act of compassion. And prayers often lead us to take on responsibility for some of the answers to our intercession.

We may think we failed when the answer is “no,” when what we asked for doesn’t happen. We may feel guilt. We may figure we didn’t pray hard enough, or long enough, we didn’t say the right words, and we didn’t recruit enough people to join us in prayer. We may wrongly regard ourselves as unspiritual. The Bible mentions plenty of godly people who didn’t get what they prayed for. Still we wonder, “Why would God listen to me?” We need to trust that God accepts us, He knows what He’s doing, stop blaming ourselves.

We may think God has failed us when the answer is “no.” We may be tempted to give up on God. Didn’t He know how important this was to us? Some people leave church over this. We pray for a sick loved one, and our loved one does not get better. We’re confused, maybe even angry at God. He can handle that. But know that He is not obligated to give us what we ask. God isn’t a cosmic vending machine. “Prayer does not change God; it changes the one who prays” (Søren Kierkegaard). We need to trust God’s plan and trust that He knows what He’s doing. “God’s ‘no’ is always merciful, even when it hurts” (Mary Lynn Johnson).

We may think of prayer as power. Power over God? Do we really think we can force the hand of God? Would we want to? If I thought I could change God’s mind by praying, I’d stop praying. Prayer doesn’t cause God to act. We don’t harness or manipulate Him to do our bidding by praying. People say “Prayer changes things.” No, God changes things. It is arrogant and presumptuous to name it and claim it. We need the caveat, “Thy will be done.” I pray “For the best possible outcome,” and often the answer surprises me. Phil Yancey wrote, “We need God more than anything we might get from God.”