What Does The Bible Say About Marriage?

According to Esteban Ortiz-Ospina and Max Roser (Our World in Data), “Marriage, as a social institution, has been around for thousands of years. With things that are thousands of years old, it is easy to assume that they can only change slowly. But developments since the middle of the 20th century show that this assumption is wrong: in many countries, marriages are becoming less common, people are marrying later, unmarried couples are increasingly choosing to live together, and in many countries, we are seeing a ‘decoupling’ of parenthood and marriage. Within the last decades the institution of marriage has changed more than in thousands of years before.” It is my opinion that we are moving in the wrong direction and that God wants us to be in a world where marriage is a natural order of things, and that marriage should be Godly.

How can I have a Godly Marriage?

Understanding God’s purpose for marriage is critical to having a godly marriage. God created marriage as a covenant agreement between two people, a man and a woman, and Himself. “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’. So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”(Matt 19:6, NIV) (but please also read Mal 2:14). As husband and wife, the couple is united by God as “one flesh” both legally and spiritually. This three-way union, with God at the centre, forms the foundations on which to build a godly marriage.

God has a unique purpose for the marriage covenant. A good resource on this topic is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. In the book, the author explores the biblical concept that God’s intention for marriage is to make us more holy, not to make us happy. Christian marriage is a divine picture of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the church. Through His demonstration of love for us, Jesus Christ modeled how to love our marriage partner: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. . . . This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church . . . and the wife must respect her husband” (Eph 5:25–33, NIV).

Jesus came to serve and give Himself sacrificially for the church, which is what husbands are called to do in marriage. Everything a husband does he must have thought it through. “Will this be uplifting for my wife? Will she be edified? Will she be encouraged? Will this help my wife? If I do this, am I putting myself first or my wife first? A husband has to put his wife firmly at the centre of everything he does. In a marriage, the husband’s will must die so that the wife can flourish. And then because the husband is putting the wife first, the wife will submit to the husband because she sees that everything he is doing is for her benefit.

If you’ve been married for any length of time, you will understand the challenges of blending the lives and aspirations of two flawed and sinful people into one cohesive partnership. Marriage relationships are complex and complicated. We bring our emotional baggage and brokenness from past hurts into the mix. The only way to make a marriage work is for both partners to “follow God’s example, . . . and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” We must obey the Lord’s command to love our spouse unselfishly, laying down our wants and desires as Christ laid down his life for us. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16, NIV).

God’s purpose in the life of every believer, whether married or single, is spiritual transformation, as the believer is sanctified by the work of the Holy Spirit and conformed to Christ’s image. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified” (1 Thess 4:3–7, NIV); and also (2 Cor 3:18; Heb 12:14). How different would our marriages look if we made it our life’s mission to help, support, serve, and pray for our spouse in his or her walk with Christ each day? Instead of focusing on our partner’s faults or our own unmet needs, what if we looked for ways to “love one another” in the completeness of God’s love (1 John 4:12, NIV)? Instead of focusing on our partner’s faults, we follow the instruction to “encourage one another daily” (Heb 3:13, NIV). Instead of focusing on our partner’s faults, let’s strive to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Heb 10:24, NIV), and “serve one another humbly” (Gal 5:13, NIV). Finally, instead of focusing on our partner’s faults, we should focus our attention on devoting to one another, honouring one another above ourselves (Rom 12:10, NIV), and being kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave us (Eph 4:32, NIV)?