Unwritten Contracts Series

OPENING

SENTENCE: There is a popular commercial series from that has a character named “Captain Obvious.”

INTRODUCTION: One of the common themes of the commercials is that the internet pictures and information on the hotel you booked does not always match up to what you really get.

I can relate quite well to that. I can remember Vaunda and I making a trip to California last year and stayed at a motel in Great Falls, Montana. Looking at the information on the website lead us to believe it was a decent, moderately priced motel. But when we got there we discovered it was a dive. It had a bad smell, was dated and worn, and seemed to be a haven for drug addicts. We had booked the same motel for our return but we changed it when we saw what it was.

There are many areas of life like that- where what we expect and the reality of what we get do not match up. You have probably faced this when you order something online, or when pay big bucks for a product that is defective, or you have work done on a house or car and the result is sub-par.

TRANSITION SENTENCE: The same can be true of marriage.

TRANSITION: We start off in the marriage with high ideals and dreams and we begin to discover that the person we have married has weaknesses and hang-ups we did not bargain for. Sometimes you may even have seen the red flags but thought that by love and encouragement the person would change, or least, you could overlook them. You thought you married a Prince only to discover he is a frog.

Alicia Michelle says it this way, “We develop these unrealistic expectations of how our marriage should be (and especially how our husbands “should” treat us). And on days when real married life is less than ideal, we imagine how our fantasy spouse–let’s call him “Prince Charming”–would act in that moment. Prince Charming gives the “perfect” answer for your feelings, right? He says things like: “Oh, honey, you’re so right. Let me draw you a bath and give you a neck message as you tell me all about it.” Prince Charming knows exactly what we need, and is more than happy to give it to us gift-wrapped with a lovely red bow. He is completely selfless and at our beck and call.”

Prince Charming has tricked many a woman about how their husbands should treat them. He is an idealized man who can slowly and inadvertently destroy the beautiful walls of your marriage. Similarly, men also have their unrealistic perspectives of how their wives should be. We could write a Formula: Unhappiness= Expectations compared to Reality. The greater the gulf between the fantasy and the reality the greater frustration and unhappiness you will find in marriage.

SAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY: God understands the issue of unmet expectations. This morning I want us to look at how to overcome our ideals and often unrealistic views of our spouses that can damage a relationship by looking at how God choose to deal with us. We will ask, “What can the doctrine of grace teach us about dealing with the expectations we have in marriage?

TEXT: Romans 7:1-25

THEME: We find greater peace in our marriages when our expectations are tempered by grace.

What can the doctrine of grace teach us about dealing with the expectations we have in marriage?

I. The law is like a marriage that does not consider our weakness. (1-20 )

“Do you not know, brothers and sisters—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? 2 For example, by law, a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. 3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man. 4 So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God… 7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” 8 .... 4 We know that the law is spiritual, but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.”