True Love Series

What is “true love”? It’s a difficult question that many people have tried to answer over the years, but no one answer seems adequate. Here are a few of them:

Erich Segal writes, “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”

Ann Landers says, “Love is a friendship that has caught fire.” Now, that’s pretty good, but how do you know if the fire of passion is lasting and real?

Helen Keller once said, “Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same.” I like that answer a little better, but it’s not very helpful, because it leaves me asking the question, “What does true love smell like?”

William Goldman said, “True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.” Makes you wonder why he liked cough drops better than love.

An anonymous lover says, “True love is not the number of kisses, or how often you get them, true love is the feeling that still lingers long after the kiss is over.” Perhaps, but feelings are fickle.

A neuroscientist might say love is an “elevated activity in the brain pathways which cause feelings of euphoria, strong motivation, and heightened energy which can induce sleepless-ness, loss of appetite, and obsessive thinking about the beloved.” (Leil Lowndes, “How Neuroscience Can Help Us Find True Love,” The Wall Street Journal, 2-14-13; www.Preaching Today.com)

Love is quiet. Love is a fire. Love is the fragrance of a beautiful flower. Love is a feeling that lingers. Love is a matter of brain chemistry. These answers don’t really help to define true love, but perhaps God has a better answer.

If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to 1 John 5, 1 John 5, where God in His Word defines true love.

1 John 5:1 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him. (ESV)

If you love the Father, you have to love His children.

1 John 5:2-3 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. (ESV)

If you truly love God’s children, you have to...

OBEY GOD.

Keep His commandments. Do His will. True love is not sentimental silliness. It is doing what is right and best for the person loved as defined by God Himself.

In matters of love, do not follow your heart, because “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick,” Jeremiah 17:9 says. It will lead you astray every time, but God will never lead you astray. So don’t follow your heart; follow God’s revealed will as declared in His Word. He knows what’s best; your heart does not! Oh, it might feel right, but what feels right may actually bring more harm than good.

In 2006, the American Society of Landscape Architects conducted a study to determine how a fence and a boundary affected the behavior of children in the playground. The researchers constructed a playground with no fences. During the experiment, the children stayed in the center—almost in fear—and never ventured out beyond the playground structure. Then the researchers put up a fence. Immediately, the children's behavior changed. Instead of fearfully staying in the center of the playground, they wandered with freedom all the way to the fence, exploring and enjoying the entire space.

The researchers concluded: “The overwhelming conclusion was that with a given limitation, children felt safer to explore a playground… With a boundary, in this case the fence, the children felt at ease to explore the space.” Fences brought freedom. The absence of fences created fear and apprehension. (American Society of Landscape Architects, “ASLA 2006 Student Awards: Residential Design Award of Honors”, www.asla.org/awards/ 2006/studentawards/282.html; www.PreachingToday.com)

God’s Word is the boundary, the fence, which brings freedom to those we love. We don’t help people by removing the boundaries; we hurt them. For example, it is NOT love when a parent buys alcohol for their teenaged son or daughter’s party. It is NOT love when a man sleeps with a woman he is not married to. It is NOT love when we ignore sin in a brother or sister’s life and pretend that everything is all right.

It is NOT love to ignore the clear commands of Scripture in our relationships with each other. For parents, the Bible says, “Bring [your children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). For lovers, the Bible says, “Abstain from sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). And for Brothers and Sisters in Christ, the Bible says, “If anyone is caught in a transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness...” (Galatians 6:1).