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Title: Offended And Unforgiving — Nursing Grudges In Jesus’ Name - How Unforgiveness Poisons The Soul—and The Church Series
Contributed by Dr. John D. Wentworth on Oct 13, 2025 (message contributor)
Summary: “When you become offended, you take an idol from its shelf, put it on the throne of your heart, then you kneel before it and adore it.” — Paul David Tripp
Title: Offended and Unforgiving — Nursing Grudges in Jesus’ Name - How unforgiveness poisons the soul—and the church
Text: Matthew 6:14-15 “ For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
“When you become offended, you take an idol from its shelf, put it on the throne of your heart, then you kneel before it and adore it.”
— Paul David Tripp
Introduction: Offense is a subtle wound—one that festers when left unattended. In its earliest form, it can feel righteous: “I’m standing up for truth,” or “I refuse to be treated this way.” Yet when offense hardens into a grudge, it becomes a prison for the heart, cutting us off from grace, peace, and genuine community.
HOW DO WE NURSE A GRUDGE IN JESUS NAME?
That’s a powerful and convicting question—and it almost answers itself. The truth is, we can’t. Nursing a grudge and following Jesus simply don’t fit together.
Jesus taught:
• “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).
• “Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).
• When Peter asked how many times he had to forgive, Jesus said, “Seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22)—not to set a number, but to show forgiveness has no limit.
A grudge is like keeping a wound open so it never heals. We revisit the pain, replay the offense, and in doing so, let bitterness take root. But carrying that weight only hurts us more than the one we resent. As Corrie ten Boom once said, “Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, only to find that the prisoner was me.”
To try to “nurse a grudge in Jesus’ name” is to misuse His name, because His very nature is forgiveness, mercy, and grace. To cling to resentment is to deny the cross, where our own endless debt was forgiven.
The Backpack of Rocks
A pastor once gave each member of his congregation a small stone and a backpack. He told them to put the stone inside and carry the backpack around for the entire service. At first it seemed light, almost unnoticeable. But as time went on, the weight grew uncomfortable. Then he asked, “What if you carried this everywhere you go, adding a stone each time someone hurt you or offended you? How heavy would it become?”
He paused and added: “That’s exactly what happens when we hold on to offenses. We carry them like stones in a backpack, and eventually the weight crushes us. Forgiveness is not pretending the offense never happened—it’s choosing to empty the backpack and walk free.”
I. The Poison of Unforgiveness
Jesus warned His disciples: “If you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
— Matthew 6:15 (ESV)
Unforgiveness isn’t merely a refusal to reconcile; it’s a refusal to receive God’s mercy. As we nurse bitterness, we become enslaved by the very hurt we claim to reject.
A. Let’s Break Down Matthew 6:15 Step by Step:
1. Context: This verse comes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount right after He teaches the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9–13). In the prayer, He instructs us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Verses 14–15 expand on this single petition, showing that forgiveness is not optional for the disciple.
2. Key Words
• “If you do not forgive” – The verb here (?f??µ?, aphiemi) means to release, let go, or send away. It paints the picture of releasing someone from a debt they owe you.
• “Others” – This includes anyone who wrongs us, not just those close to us or those who apologize.
• “Your Father” – The relationship is key. God is our Father, so forgiveness isn’t a cold transaction—it is tied to family life with Him.
• “Will not forgive” – This is not teaching that God’s grace is earned by our forgiveness, but that an unforgiving heart contradicts and blocks our experience of His forgiveness.
3. Meaning
• Forgiveness is reciprocal: If we truly receive God’s forgiveness, it transforms us to extend forgiveness.
• An unforgiving spirit is a sign of a heart that has not fully grasped God’s mercy.
• Jesus is warning that bitterness and unforgiveness disrupt our fellowship with God.
4. Theological Implications
• Forgiveness is central to the gospel. Christ forgave us at the cross (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).
• A refusal to forgive may reveal that we have not truly repented or received God’s forgiveness ourselves (Matthew 18:21–35, the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant).
• Forgiveness is not ignoring justice but entrusting it to God (Romans 12:19).
5. Practical Application
• Check your heart: Is there anyone you are holding offense against?