The Innkeeper-A Monologue

S20051028

Luke 2:7-38; Matthew 2:1-12

THE INNKEEPER. A MONONOLGUE

Note: The following monologue has some anachronisms. They have been put there deliberately by the author for two reasons: first, to make the old story seem more contemporary; and secondly, for sake of some humor. The dates given are those of Frank R. Klassen in “The Chronological Bible” by Edward Reese.

MARCH 31, 5 B.C.

What’s that Esther? You say that there is someone at the front door. Well, why did you wake me up? Why did you not just go and answer it yourself? Now honey, you don’t have to get mad. I was just joking. I’ll go over to the window and see who it is.

HE GOES OVER TO THE WINDOW.

It is a very young woman; rather pretty, I would say; and she looks pregnant. I mean, talk about being great with child; she is as big as a house. And there is this man with her who looks almost old enough to be her father. It sort of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

YELLING OUT THE WINDOW.

Sorry, we are all filled up, and we are closed for the night.

PAUSE.

Give them our room, Esther? You must be joking. You are not joking. You are serious. There is no way we are going to give them our room. It has been a very busy day, and I am dog-tired.

OK, I’ll go down; but I sure don’t feel like seeing any more customers at this hour of the night. Oh, I am not grumpy. I just don’t feel very well. It must have been those potato chips I ate before going to bed. Oh, I know you told me; but they looked so good. Well, anyway, I’ll go down and answer the door.

YELLING OUT THE WINDOW.

Hold it just a minute. I am coming down to open up.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

Holy Jerusalem, I wish those kids would not leave their roller skates on the front steps.

Good evening! Or is it morning? Whatever. Shalom. Man, you look like you have had a long journey. Where are you from? Nazareth. That Gentile hole. Can any good thing come from there? Sorry, I did not mean to give offence. I was just thinking out loud.

You say that your family was originally from Bethlehem, and that you have come back home because of the census. Join the crowd. This has been one busy day. And what are your names? Mary and Joseph. Mary, I think I remember your grandparents. And what do you call your donkey? Rudolph? That is a strange name for a donkey. But then I suppose that anything goes in Nazareth. Those Gentile pigs must take some getting used to. You say some of them are more humble than some of our scribes and Pharisees. Yes, I could imagine that they are. But then humility was never very big in my books, anyway.

Well, I am sorry that we are all full. But if you want to use the hayloft in the parking lot to sleep, you are welcome to it. And my wife told me that she did not want me to charge you anything. I mean, you can’t beat the price.

Now, where are those roller skates? I sure don’t want to meet them again on my way back up.

Esther, you say you can’t sleep, that you are getting up; that you want to help Joseph and Mary. I know you. Your curiosity gets the best of you sometimes. You can do whatever you want to do for Mary and Joseph. I am going to bed. I need my sleep.

APRIL 1, 5 B.C. DATE FOR THE BIRTH OF CHRIST GIVEN BY FRANK R. KLASSEN

Honey, could you please keep it down to a dull roar? For land’s sake, it is only the fifth hour? What is going on? You say Mary had a baby a few hours ago. Well, I am no prophet, but I could have predicted that one. And you say that some shepherds came saying that they had seen angels. Well, if you believe that one, let me tell you about some beautiful property on a marsh down in Florida.

You really believe those stupid shepherds, don’t you? I suggest that they were all probably drunk. After all, there is a reason for this season.

TWO DAYS LATER.

I was talking to Joseph and Mary. They are really a nice couple. He sure looks much older than she, but they seem very happy together. They have decided to stay in Bethlehem for a while. They say that their child Jesus is to be the Savior of the world. Maybe I should ask that wood-butcher to make me a sign for the inn. It could say: The Savior of the world slept here.