S20051028
Luke 2:7-38; Matthew 2:1-12
THE INNKEEPER. A MONONOLGUE
Note: The following monologue has some anachronisms. They have been put there deliberately by the author for two reasons: first, to make the old story seem more contemporary; and secondly, for sake of some humor. The dates given are those of Frank R. Klassen in “The Chronological Bible” by Edward Reese.
MARCH 31, 5 B.C.
What’s that Esther? You say that there is someone at the front door. Well, why did you wake me up? Why did you not just go and answer it yourself? Now honey, you don’t have to get mad. I was just joking. I’ll go over to the window and see who it is.
HE GOES OVER TO THE WINDOW.
It is a very young woman; rather pretty, I would say; and she looks pregnant. I mean, talk about being great with child; she is as big as a house. And there is this man with her who looks almost old enough to be her father. It sort of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
YELLING OUT THE WINDOW.
Sorry, we are all filled up, and we are closed for the night.
PAUSE.
Give them our room, Esther? You must be joking. You are not joking. You are serious. There is no way we are going to give them our room. It has been a very busy day, and I am dog-tired.
OK, I’ll go down; but I sure don’t feel like seeing any more customers at this hour of the night. Oh, I am not grumpy. I just don’t feel very well. It must have been those potato chips I ate before going to bed. Oh, I know you told me; but they looked so good. Well, anyway, I’ll go down and answer the door.
YELLING OUT THE WINDOW.
Hold it just a minute. I am coming down to open up.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
Holy Jerusalem, I wish those kids would not leave their roller skates on the front steps.
Good evening! Or is it morning? Whatever. Shalom. Man, you look like you have had a long journey. Where are you from? Nazareth. That Gentile hole. Can any good thing come from there? Sorry, I did not mean to give offence. I was just thinking out loud.
You say that your family was originally from Bethlehem, and that you have come back home because of the census. Join the crowd. This has been one busy day. And what are your names? Mary and Joseph. Mary, I think I remember your grandparents. And what do you call your donkey? Rudolph? That is a strange name for a donkey. But then I suppose that anything goes in Nazareth. Those Gentile pigs must take some getting used to. You say some of them are more humble than some of our scribes and Pharisees. Yes, I could imagine that they are. But then humility was never very big in my books, anyway.
Well, I am sorry that we are all full. But if you want to use the hayloft in the parking lot to sleep, you are welcome to it. And my wife told me that she did not want me to charge you anything. I mean, you can’t beat the price.
Now, where are those roller skates? I sure don’t want to meet them again on my way back up.
Esther, you say you can’t sleep, that you are getting up; that you want to help Joseph and Mary. I know you. Your curiosity gets the best of you sometimes. You can do whatever you want to do for Mary and Joseph. I am going to bed. I need my sleep.
APRIL 1, 5 B.C. DATE FOR THE BIRTH OF CHRIST GIVEN BY FRANK R. KLASSEN
Honey, could you please keep it down to a dull roar? For land’s sake, it is only the fifth hour? What is going on? You say Mary had a baby a few hours ago. Well, I am no prophet, but I could have predicted that one. And you say that some shepherds came saying that they had seen angels. Well, if you believe that one, let me tell you about some beautiful property on a marsh down in Florida.
You really believe those stupid shepherds, don’t you? I suggest that they were all probably drunk. After all, there is a reason for this season.
TWO DAYS LATER.
I was talking to Joseph and Mary. They are really a nice couple. He sure looks much older than she, but they seem very happy together. They have decided to stay in Bethlehem for a while. They say that their child Jesus is to be the Savior of the world. Maybe I should ask that wood-butcher to make me a sign for the inn. It could say: The Savior of the world slept here.
No, I don’t think that would be exaggerating. Well, if you think so, then at least we could say: The Savior of the world was born here. That might be even better. Maybe Joseph will do it for nothing, to thank me for letting them sleep in the loft. You say that was your idea. OK, I’ll yield on that one.
APRIL 8, 5 B.C. JESUS IS CIRCUMCISED
MAY 19, 5 B.C. THE PRESENTATION IN THE TEMPLE
You say Mary and Joseph are going to take Jesus to the temple to present Him to the Lord, and you want to go with them. Sure, I’ll look after things while you go. Just don’t expect me to go with you. Business has really been booming ever since we put out that sign that Joseph made for us. Don’t be too late. And be careful. There are all sorts of pickpockets at the temple these days, official ones and unofficial ones.
VISIT OF MAGI, ABOUT THIRTEEN MONTHS TO TWO YEARS LATER
Esther, you say that there are some foreigner’s at the door, and they want a night’s lodging. They call themselves magi from the east, and they look wealthy. Why not? Eastern money is worth quite a bit on the stock market these days. You say that they have been to visit Mary and Joseph and Jesus at their house. You say that they were led from Jerusalem to Bethlehem and right to Mary’s house by a star. You say that they are going to see Herod the King in the morning. I wonder if they have been into the same bottles as the shepherds.
Seriously Esther, I am sure glad that Joseph made that sign about the Savior. Business has been booming ever since that day. I wonder how long the boom will last. Can’t you imagine people coming from all over the world to see Jesus? I wish now I had taken your advice and had given Mary and Joseph our room.
THE NEXT MORNING VERY EARLY TO THE MAGI
You say you have to go home early, and that you are not going to visit Herod. Well, we can understand. Thank you for your very generous tip. We hope you have a safe trip back to the east. Watch out for falling stars!!
Just joking. But seriously, watch out for those Samaritans and Arabs. They will rob you blind. Oh, you say that you are part Arab. I am sorry. I did not mean to offend you.
SOMEWHAT LATER THAT SAME DAY
Gentlemen, I understand that you are from Herod and that you are looking for babies. You say that you saw our sign. Well, they sure do not live here. They did not even rent a room here. Yes, their baby was born here, out in the loft, but they left here very early the next morning. No, we don’t have any children that age staying in the inn right now.
A FEW MINUTES LATER
Esther, you are going to do what? You are going over to Mary and Joseph’s house to see if they are all right. Ok, but make sure no one sees you, especially those men from Herod.
A SHORT TIME LATER
Esther, I was worried about you while you were gone. You say Mary and Joseph have left town. There is no sign of them. I wonder where they have gone.
A FEW DAYS LATER TO HIS WIFE ESTHER
Honey, did you read the Bethlehem Times this morning? Herod ordered the killing of all children in this area two years of age and under. I think that we had better take that sign down. Being associated in any way with Jesus and Mary and Joseph could be dangerous. I am sure glad that we did not give them our room. It looks like things might get tough in the tourist industry in and around Bethlehem.
Oh, stop your crying. We’ll survive. Oh, you are not crying for us. You are crying for all those mothers. You are crying for Mary and Joseph. Well, I guess you have a point. I sort of feel that Mary and Joseph and Jesus will be all right. I don’t buy all this stuff about angels and stars. But Mary and Joseph were good people. I feel that God will look after them. They will be all right. Maybe some day when that wretched no-good Herod dies, we shall see them again. Come to think of it. Let’s not throw that sign away. Let’s hide it in the attic. It may come in handy some time in the future.
