The Dangers Of Unresolved Family Issues Series

THE DANGERS OF UNRESOLVED FAMILY ISSUES

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: 2 Samuel 13-14

Supporting Texts: Ephesians 6:4, Genesis 37:3-4, Colossians 3:21, Hebrews 12:15, Matthew 5:23-24

INTRODUCTION:

The house of David, though anointed and chosen, experienced a deep and painful family crisis that began with unchecked lust, escalated into hatred and murder, and eventually led to rebellion and national instability. These events did not happen overnight; they were the result of unresolved family tensions, negligence, and silence in the face of wrongdoing.

The story of Amnon, Tamar, and Absalom reveals how hidden sins and parental inaction can sow the seeds of long-term destruction. David, though a great king, failed to act decisively in his own household. As a result, sin was buried, pain was suppressed, and rebellion was birthed in the heart of Absalom.

These chapters teach us that family wounds left unaddressed can poison generations. Whether it is favouritism, injustice, unforgiveness, or silence in the face of evil, the family must be a place of truth, justice, healing, and reconciliation. The absence of these virtues invites chaos and tragedy.

1. UNCHECKED DESIRES WITHIN A FAMILY BREED DISHONOUR AND DESTRUCTION

Amnon’s obsession with Tamar crossed the boundaries of purity and respect.

a) “Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick…” (2 Samuel 13:2)

Lust, when left unchallenged, leads to irrational behaviour and sinful actions.

b) When family members are driven by selfish impulses, love becomes twisted and destructive

What Amnon called love was, in reality, toxic obsession.

c) There must be godly standards and boundaries within families to prevent abuse

Healthy relationships are governed by honour and self-control.

d) The home is meant to be a sanctuary, not a battlefield of secret sin

When desire is perverted, trust is shattered.

Biblical Example: Dinah’s defilement by Shechem brought grief and vengeance upon Jacob’s family (Genesis 34).

2. PARENTAL NEGLIGENCE INVITES DEEPER CRISIS IN THE FAMILY

David was angry about Tamar’s violation but did nothing.

a) “But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.” (2 Samuel 13:21)

Righteous anger without righteous action changes nothing.

b) Parents are called not only to feel, but to act with justice and wisdom

Silence in the face of evil empowers wickedness.

c) Avoiding confrontation allows bitterness to grow unchecked

David’s inaction left Absalom with a burning sense of injustice.

d) Discipline and correction are signs of love and protection, not cruelty

David’s passivity weakened his authority and damaged his family.

Biblical Example: Eli refused to correct his sons, and judgment fell upon his house (1 Samuel 2:22-25, 29).

3. UNFORGIVENESS IN THE FAMILY BREEDS BITTERNESS AND VENGEANCE

Absalom waited for justice but eventually took matters into his own hands.

a) “But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad... after two full years, Absalom had sheep shearers...” (2 Samuel 13:22-23)

Bitterness can be quiet but deadly—it plans in silence.

b) The inability to forgive poisons relationships and fuels retaliation

Where there is no forgiveness, hearts become cold and calculated.

c) Vengeance, even if seemingly justified, leads to greater pain and division

Absalom killed Amnon, but the family never healed.

d) God calls families to walk in love and restoration, not resentment and revenge

Grace must be stronger than grief.

Biblical Example: Joseph forgave his brothers despite their betrayal, and unity was restored (Genesis 45:4-8).

4. FORCED RECONCILIATION WITHOUT GENUINE HEALING LEAVES OPEN WOUNDS

David allowed Absalom to return to Jerusalem but refused to see his face.

a) “Let him return to his own house, but do not let him see my face.” (2 Samuel 14:24)

Partial reconciliation is not true restoration—it prolongs pain.

b) Healing in a family requires intentionality, conversation, and humility

Physical presence without emotional connection is a facade.

c) Hidden offences must be addressed openly, not swept under the rug

David’s coldness pushed Absalom further away.

d) Reconciliation that excludes love and acceptance deepens rejection

Absalom’s heart grew harder in the absence of fatherly warmth.

Biblical Example: The prodigal son was not just welcomed back, he was embraced and celebrated (Luke 15:20-24).

5. UNRESOLVED FAMILY ISSUES CAN ESCALATE INTO REBELLION AND NATIONAL CHAOS

Absalom’s inner rage became outward rebellion against his father.

a) The silence and wounds of yesterday became the uprising of tomorrow

Family breakdown can destabilise entire generations.

b) Where there is no forgiveness, guidance, or correction, rebellion becomes inevitable

Children need both love and leadership.

c) What starts as personal offence can end in public disgrace

The sins of the private home echoed in the public square.

d) Healing within families is not just emotional—it is spiritual warfare against generational destruction

Only God can mend what pride and pain have broken.

Biblical Example: Rebekah’s deception and Jacob’s manipulation led to years of separation and sorrow (Genesis 27:41-45).

CONCLUSION:

2 Samuel 13-14 is a sobering warning about what happens when family dysfunction is left unaddressed. In David’s house, lust was unchecked, injustice was ignored, bitterness was buried, and reconciliation was half-hearted. The result was tragedy, rebellion, and generational pain.