The Cycle Of Relationships

INTRODUCTION

A husband forgot his anniversary. His wife said, “Tomorrow morning, I want a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under six seconds.”

Next morning she found a gift-wrapped box. She opened it.

A bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

We laugh because expectations in relationships feel deadly serious when they’re violated. We all walk into relationships with invisible expectations. When they’re not met, someone gets hurt.

Tonight, I want to share the cycle every relationship goes through. God knew relationships would stretch us. That’s why He gave us grace, not just romance.

God’s goal isn’t perfection. It’s redemption.

---

Stage 1: Getting Acquainted

This is the “highlight reel” stage. • You show your best

• They show their best

• Everyone’s charming

• Everyone smells good

One man said he knew marriage changed everything the first time he noticed his wife keeping three brands of mustard in the fridge. “How much mustard can a person need?”

Dating is auditions. Marriage is real life.

Even the disciples fell in love with the possibility of Jesus.

Not yet the reality of the cross.

Proverbs 19:2 — “Zeal without knowledge is not good.”

Stage 1 says:

> “I see who I think you are.”

Stage 3 reveals who we really are.

---

Stage 2: Commitment

This is where we lock in: • Marriage vows

• Shared home

• Shared money

• Shared future

Commitment feels solid. The honeymoon might be 12 months… or five minutes.

First grocery shopping argument: • “Why do you buy the expensive peanut butter?” • “Because it tastes like joy, Jonathan!”

Commitment is beautiful because love becomes a covenant, not a convenience.

Disciples committed too: Left their jobs. Left everything.

They didn’t yet know what love would cost.

---

Stage 3: Pinches

A pinch is a broken expectation.

Examples: • “I thought you’d listen, not solve it.”

• “Could you put your shoes near the closet? Not in every timezone?”

• “I didn’t know affection would become optional.”

Little disappointments that we swallow instead of speak.

Song of Solomon 2:15 — “Catch the little foxes…”

Small things spoil beautiful vineyards.

Pinches unattended ? resentment stored.

Most divorces? A thousand tiny things never addressed.

---

Stage 4: OUCH

The hurt becomes visible.

Not explosive anger. Cold distance.

You know you’re in OUCH when: • You stop laughing together

• “Whatever” becomes the relationship motto

• Conversations become transactions

• Your home is quiet… but not peaceful

A husband once tried to apologize by making a sandwich.

Her heart needed empathy. He offered lunch meat.

In OUCH:

> What used to be cute becomes ammunition.

Even Jesus saw OUCH in His disciples: Arguments. Jealousy. Misunderstanding.

Jesus stayed. Jesus repaired.

---

Stage 5: The Five Roads Forward

Now comes the turning point.

When you reach OUCH, you have five choices:

>>Premature Recommitment

“We’re fine.” Smile. Stuff it down. A plastic peace that suffocates intimacy.

>>Rapid Exit

Slammed doors. Affair. Abandonment. Burning the house down because the sink leaked.

>>Ennui — The Slow Death

Still married, but hearts moved out. Roommates with shared bills.

>>Planned Exit

Heartbreak.

Not God’s dream.

But God walks with everyone here too.

>>Planned Renegotiation

Gospel Way

“I love you too much to stay like this. Let’s talk with grace.”

This path: • Is uncomfortable

• Requires humility

• Leads to healing

Matthew 18:15

“Go to your brother”… not away, not around.

> Conflict isn’t the enemy.

Avoiding it is.

---

THE GOSPEL IN THE RELATIONSHIP CYCLE

Here’s the beautiful truth:

Humanity broke every expectation God had for us.

We betrayed Him.

We walked away.

God didn’t: • Pretend (premature recommitment)

• Abandon us (rapid exit)

• Become indifferent (ennui)

• Write humanity off (planned exit)

God chose planned renegotiation: He came Himself.

Jesus entered the OUCH.

Not to punish.

To restore.

Romans 5:8

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

The cross is God saying:

> “This relationship matters.

Let’s rebuild.”

---

INVITATION: A Covenant of Grace

Ask gently: Where are you

in the cycle right now?

• Stage 1: Remembering hope

• Stage 2: Trying to hold on

• Stage 3: Collecting pinches

• Stage 4: OUCH and hurting

• Stage 5: Standing at a crossroads

You are not alone.

Your story is not over.

Jesus stands ready to help you repair what the enemy tried to destroy.

Ephesians 4:32

“Be kind and compassionate… forgiving each other as Christ forgave you.”

Forgiven people forgive.

Loved people love.

Healed people heal.

> Relationships don’t fail because we hurt each other.

Relationships heal because we invite Jesus into the healing.

---

PRAYER

“Jesus, teach us to handle conflict with grace. Help us catch the pinches early. Give us courage to talk, humility to listen, and love to forgive. Bind our relationships together with Your love. Amen.”