The Columbo Method Of Parenting

is prepared to present the facts and point his finger at the murderer and say “You, sir, you’re the one who did it!”

Parents can damage the emotional well-being of their teenager by accusing before they have the facts.

In some cases it is better for a teen to escape discipline for something he has done than to be blamed for something he is innocent of. Have you ever been hurt by a false accusation? To accuse your child of wrongdoing can push him in that direction. It is easy for him to say to himself, "Mom and dad already think I’m doing it, why not go ahead?" A false accusation is hard to disprove. Know the difference between asking questions and making accusations.

Recently, I talked to a young person who stated that his parents had really hurt his

feelings by accusing him of smoking dope. The young person stated that he had been up

late, played video games, and was generally tired and that was why his eyes were red and

bloodshot. He was devastated by the accusation and claimed to be innocent in the

situation. In anger he finally declared that he was willing to go the hospital immediately and take a urine

test. He was insistent that he was not using drugs. When he spoke to me he was still angry

with his parents over this accusation.

So what should his parents have done? They should have obtained the facts. A parent

who suspects his child is using drugs should make efforts to catch him doing so. Watch for

signs of drug use. Smell the child’s clothing. Be observant. Accusation without proper evidence can only be hurtful.

4) After You Get the Facts, Present them Calmly.

Have you ever seen Columbo burst in on a suspect with a gun? Have you ever seen

him wrestle a suspect to the ground? Have you ever even seen him raise his voice? NO.

Columbo gets results BECAUSE he presents the facts of the case calmly. He presents

what he has found and the action he is going to take, such as arresting the suspect. He calls in the officers

who do the arresting, but he never truly seems angry.

We lose a lot of ground with our children when we react in anger to what they have

done. Honestly, we can accomplish more in a calm discussion with our teenagers if we can

keep our voice calm and controlled. We need to stay focused on the facts and the problem rather than the emotional

response we want to offer. This is difficult because we are emotionally involved with a child that we love and care for. We often feel betrayed by their wrong actions. However, the goal of a parent is to teach right and wrong. While I doubt any of us are capable of staying calm and collected all of the time, we need to realize that our emotions often become yet another obstacle to the lesson we want our child to learn.

Your teenager needs to learn right from wrong. If they are always more concerned about your anger than the issue,then you know you’ve failed.