: The Art Of Conflict — Part Ii Series

INTRO: In way of summary, last week we witnessed Solomon and Shulamith’s first conflict.

1. We learned that when you’re hurt in a relationship — you don’t react (you don’t re-enact what they’ve done to you.)

2. When you are hurt in a relationship — you respond to God. You keep your focus on Him and his standards.

3. When you are hurt in a relationship — you allow God to take care of it. Don’t take matters into your own hands.

TITLE: The Art of Conflict — Part II

TEXT: Song of Songs 5:10-16

I. The 4th Thing You do when Hurt by Your Spouse — control your attitude.

A. The marital conflict arose — Solomon wanted to spend the night with her after a long day of affairs running the nation.

1. Joseph Dillow — "The solution to their differences involved assuming personal responsibility for the error rather than focusing on the other’s error.

THOUGHT: What good is accomplished when you continually resent your mate for his or her shortcomings.

-When you stand before God, he is not going to ask how your mate treated you, but he will hold you accountable in how faithful you were in your behavior.

B. The Question v. 9 — "How is your beloved better than others?"

1. The question is designed to lead Shulamith to focus on her husband’s many good points.

-How many times do we get into a tiff and all our human nature wants to do is focus on their bad qualities, and before long we can’t think of one good quality that they have.

2. Look at v. 10-16 — She is focusing on Solomon’s good qualities.

-V. 10 — My lover is radiant and ruddy. Radiant has the idea to be handsome.

-V. 11 — His head is pure gold, meaning he has divine leadership of her. He is pure. -Hair is wavy and black. Idea: there is no gray. He is strong.

-V. 12 — Eyes like a dove, gentleness.

Water and milk: idea of blessing.

Mounted like jewels (tabernacle) giving the idea of his eyes never change. They don’t narrow or widen with anger.

-These are eyes that never change; they are consistent.

-V. 13 – His cheeks are beds of spices (idea: she wants to draw close to him).

-His lips like lilies dripping with myrrh. Poetic for Solomon is full of forgiveness, tenderness. -V. 14 – Arms are rods of gold, idea of just the right touch. His body is like polished ivory.

-Hebrew idea here is: the belly is the seat of the emotions. In other words, his emotions are even keel.

-V. 15 – Legs are pillars of marble; the concept Solomon is strong, steadfast, and immoveable. -V. 16 – His mouth is sweetness. Idea: she wants to kiss him, according to Tommy Nelson.

3. Why does she want to kiss him, because he is some beautiful hunk of a man? No. It’s because his arms, eyes, his cheeks, legs, body represent tenderness, love, and kindness.

POINT: Friends, do you see how important it is to control your attitude, to have a positive concept of those who hurt you [think on their positive traits].

II. The 5th Thing You Do When Hurt by Your Spouse is – communicate.

A. Question – where has your lover gone?

1. There are few things as painful – as being abandoned by your spouse.

-The concept of marriage where you become one not only physically and emotionally and then, all of a sudden, to be abandoned is a terrible thing.

2. Shulamith was not abandoned. She knew right where Solomon was. Verse 2 "my lover has gone down to his garden."

TS: She not only knew where he was –

3. She knew who he was – Verse 3 – I am my lover’s and my lover is mine.

Idea: he is like a shepherd who takes care of her. He protects her; he cares for her. He watches over her.

THOUGHT: Now remember they are coming out of a fight and this is how she feels. One reason is because of good communication.

B. How do you communicate? Four major problems in marriage – Tommy Nelson lists them in this order:

1. Communication – if you can’t communicate, you cannot understand the other person.

2. Money – It puts undo tension in the home if both aren’t on the same wavelength.

3. Sex – If sex is unfulfilling in the marriage, there is a danger to go elsewhere.

4. In-laws – You’ve heard of all the in-law jokes.

Handout – Remember to give handout on How To Listen and How To Talk by Tommy Nelson III. The 6th Thing You Do When Hurt by Your Spouse is – forgive – v. 4-9 (handout)