The Art Of Conflict Series

INTRO: What is it that all couples do? In fact, some believe that up to 25% of your marriage you do this. It’s conflict.

-All couples fight. Good couples fight clean. Bad couples fight dirty. -Good couples press for a resolution. Bad couples press for a victory.

-When good couples fight, it exposes their character. When bad couples fight, it exposes their immaturity.

Prov. 14:4 – "Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest."

-To the farmer, if you have no ox, the work (or the harvest) does not come in; therefore, there is no money.

So if you want the fields to be plowed and harvested, you need an ox. You can’t have an ox and a nice clean manger.

-Oxen stink up the barn.

In other words, with marriage comes conflict, with children comes conflict, and with Christians comes conflict. So, if you want the joy of marriage, you are going to have conflict.

Tommy Nelson says there are three stages within marriage:

1. Honeymoon – Heaven on earth.

2. Disillusionment – Is this married life?

3. Commitment – Discover your mate, warts and all, their idiosyncrasies. This is where you commit yourself to loving them in a Biblical manner.

-Friends, if you don’t have any conflict, you either have no sin nature or one is so dominant and the other is extremely passive. Marriages without some sort of conflict are unhealthy.

This morning, we are continuing our series through the Song of Solomon. Today, we will witness them fight.

TITLE: The Art of Conflict TEXT: Song of Songs 5:2-8

I. Setting: Solomon is now married. He’s coming home from a hard day’s work, and he’s looking for some attention and affection.

-In those days they slept in separate rooms, so he’s out there knocking on the door.

A. Solomon needs her. He needs her physically, emotionally. He longs to be with his wife.

1. The most special thing to a male is to have intimacy with his wife. (This is one of the greatest joys to a male).

-Solomon’s coming home from busy affairs of state.

B. Shulamith is in bed sleeping – text gives us the idea that it was a restless night.

1. She was tossing and turning – text gives us the idea that she was having some difficulty adjusting to married life (longing for her home, a king who is away dealing with the affairs of the nation.)

2. Solomon knocks and asks her to open the door so he can come in.

3. She declines – v. 3 (READ) Modern-day language: "I’ve got a headache." -Joseph Dillow writes: Two reasons she’s not interested:

a. She’s saying something like, "Solomon, can’t it wait, can’t you see I’m in bed."

b. She gets religious, "I have washed my feet. How can I dirty them again? The soiling of the feet was counted as a symbol of moral contamination, from the petty transgressions of everyday life."

4. Mistake that was made – according to Tommy Nelson – "Shulamith basically is saying, "I don’t care how hard you’ve worked. I’m not getting out of bed." Idea: "I’m more important than you."

TS: The fight was on. Today, I’ll try to teach you how to fight within your marriage the correct way.

II. The First Thing You Do When Your Mate Hurts You – You Do Not React

A. You do not re-enact what your mate did – Just because she did it does not mean you have to do it.

1. Men, what would you do if you were the king? Would you take the attitude: "I rescued you. You were nothing more than a slave. (You were ashamed of your appearance). Look what I’ve done for

you. ,,

2. Notice, men, what Solomon did. He did not go in. He does not press it. (He merely put his hand to the door, and found it locked.)

3. Verse 5 – What did he do to the very thing that barred him from his wife? -He put liquid myrrh on it. In other words, in the Hebrew culture, it was a calling card. -It was a valentine. (It means, "I love you")

B. Solomon did not react – to the rejection of the situation.

1. Apostle Paul put it this way – I Thess. 5:15 "make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else."

Illustrate: The story of Joseph’s brothers, sold him off into slavery; and then they finally get reunited. Many years pass, Joseph’s father dies. Brothers afraid Joseph is going to punish them. Joseph responds – Gen. 50:19 – "Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?"