Surviving Unhealthy Relationships Series

I said earlier, every relationship has to have boundaries in order to be healthy and peaceable. Where those boundaries are drawn depends upon many of the things we have talked about this morning. The emotional health of both parties is a vital factor in determining where the boundaries must be drawn. The unhealthier one or both of the parties are, the more distant we have to make the boundaries.[19] Learn to establish and respect healthy boundaries in your relationships.

The clip you are about to see is from an episode of Seinfeld. Jerry and George are to meet Elaine Benes and her father at the restaurant for dinner. Elaine has asked them to come because she has such difficulty relating to her father, who is a well-known author. Watch the clip and see if you can determine why Elaine might have trouble in her relationship with Mr. Benes.

Seinfeld: Episode 5: The Jacket chapter 2 (Begin 00:09:15 and End 00:13:45)[20]

Richard Tow

Grace Chapel Foursquare Church

Springfield, MO

www.gracechapelchurch.org

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[1] Text was read at the beginning of the service. All quotes from New International Version unless otherwise indicated.

[2] Our congregation has a casual culture and this subtle humor worked well but might not work in more formal church setting.

[3] Kenneth C. Haugk, Antagonists in the Church: How to Identify and Deal with Destructive Conflict (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1988) pp. 21-22

[4] 1 Samuel 25:37-39. Nabal’s death is a strong warning concerning the way we treat people, especially those anointed of the Lord and especially those who respond correctly on their side of the conflict.

[5] There is a powerful contrast here in Nabal to the wisdom described in James 3:17. In that verse the Greek word eupeithees is translated “easy to be entreated” in KJV. Spiros Zodhaites (NTWSD) gives its meaning as “easily persuaded, compliant”. One way we can distinguish an antagonist from a normal strong personality is by using the description James gives us of godly wisdom.

[6] I borrowed this term and the term “Indirect Manipulators” from Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I am indebted to their insight on this subject and would recommend their book entitled Boundaries: When to say yes and when to say no to take control of your life (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992).

[7] 2 Peter 3:16; Jude 4; Romans 6:1 are examples of the dangers we face when sharing truths.

[8] 1 Corinthians 6:7

[9] Paul Lee Tan, ed., Encycopedia of 7700 Illustrations: Signs of the Times (Rockville, Maryland: Assurance Publishers, 1985) p 465

[10] It is assumed that the listener has some understanding of this essential dynamic of human relationships.

[11] I have been significantly impacted by Charles Finney’s definition of love as the pursuit of the other party’s highest well being (Disinterested Benevolence). I think his lecture 22 of Systematic Theology dealt with this subject.

[12] See Series preached Feb. & March of 2002 entitled “Submission to Human Authority” available at www.sermoncentral.com or www.gracechapelchurch.org