Strength In Weakness

I got into counseling and started working through some of that stuff. I’m still going, and I say this not as therapy but because it is my intention to normalize the behavior of seeking help – from God, from pastors, from friends, from teachers, from counselors, from books, from anything and anyone we can find to help us. I have found myself going to all those places – weekly counseling, the Bible, prayer, the gym, reading, talking to Christy, playing certain songs again and again – whatever it might take to change my mind, to root out something very deep and dark and oppressive that was sapping the life out of me and has stolen my joy as far back as I can remember.

You don’t know when you come face to face with your weakness how deep that rabbit hole is going to go – and let’s face it, that’s the reason we don’t face it! We fear the unknown and you don’t know where you’ll have to go, or what you’ll have to say, or what you’ll have to do, to confront this issue in your life. And more than anything else in your life, you are afraid of being seen as weak, and needy, and dependent. You’re more afraid of being seen as weak than you are of the issue itself. I realize now that I was more afraid of being seen as weak than I was afraid of any of the fears I talked to you about. Because I can have the fears, but if you come to see me as weak – if I have to think of myself as weak – then who am I as your pastor and leader and teacher and guide? Is it the blind leading the blind?

Everybody has a couple of key areas in their lives where they are ashamed, and convinced that others must never, ever find out they’re struggling or else they would lose everybody’s respect. Or maybe you tell yourself something else – “it’s nobody’s business but mine.” And so you continue to live crippled by this thing. “I’ve got it under control,” and so you continue to live crippled. “I’m fine – everybody deals with something.” And so you continue to live crippled. Some of you will keep right on saying this until you have to file for bankruptcy, until your spouse walks out on you, until you are a full-fledged alcoholic or porn addict, or until your children begin to suffer and perhaps are permanently scarred, or until you are so paralyzed by depression or guilt or regret or fear or anger that you are not even able to seek help.

And where is God in all this? I mean, if God doesn’t come into play in this, then what good is he? Honestly! I mean Jesus came to bring freedom, right?

Jn 8:36 (NIV)

…if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Where’s the freedom? Where is God?

Jn 3:21 (The Message)

…anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.”

The simple answer is that God is, and always will be, where the truth is. Why have I not experienced freedom from fear in the past? Because in that area of my life, I have not positioned myself in the truth. I have made excuses for it and rationalized it instead of deal with it. I have said, “It would be too hard for my people to know that their leader is struggling with this.” I have said, “Things will get better.” I have said, “Everybody has their cross to bear.” I’ve tried it all. And I’ve lived crippled. And I have not seen God bring freedom to this part of my life because God brings truth and the truth sets you free, and until I was ready to find, face, and follow truth in this area of my life, God could never bring freedom.