Sports Theology

The Theology of Sports

God - Whoever is champ for the year. He changes from year to year, thus it is a polytheistic religion.

Son of God - MVP

Jesus Christ - Someone you cry out to when the plays don’t go your team’s way or they make a terrible blunder.

Salvation - Reception of a Hail Mary in the last seconds of the game when you are down by five.

Hell - What you say about the other team’s reception of a Hail Mary in the last seconds of the game when they are down by five or when the game is blocked out on TV and you can’t get tickets.

Heaven - season tickets on the 50 yard line, mid court, or behind home plate

Angels - They live in L. A.

Devils - They live in NJ.

Preachers - Announcers

Deacons - Demonic creatures that live in NC.

Tele-Evangelists - ESPN, HSN, etc.

Sin - When the referees make a bad call against your team

Grace - When the referees make a bad call against their team.

Righteous - Us.

Unrighteous - All who are not us.

Tithes and Offerings - Go for tickets, shirts, banners, and other memorabilia.

Attendance - Either in the temple/stadium or by TV is a must every time, all season, all year until death. The very holy watch several services at a time via surfing.

Scripture Memorization - Statistics from year 1 to present.

Judgment of God - When the other players get hurt or the other team gets a penalty.

Satanic Oppression - When the our players get hurt or our team gets a penalty.

Expression of Worship - Break the bum’s leg, Kill ‘em, the Ref is blind as a bat and the Coach is a moron.

Ushers - bring us beer and hot dogs at prices we would not pay outside the temple.

Communion - What we share as we get sloshed out of a plastic cup.

The Lord’s Supper - The hot dogs and beer.

Eternal value - absolutely none, but then there is no life after sports.

Baptism - having beer spilled on you from the crowd going wild.

Family Altar - gathering around ESPN.

Genuflect - The Wave

Lifting up Holy Hands - High Five

Prayer - To be used to get the last tickets or to ensure our team comes from behind.

Holy Relics - Foul balls, inscribed balls, cards, etc.

Holy Water - Beer

Temple - Coliseum, stadium, arena, etc.

I suspect when the Jesus does come back, He is not going to care about your team’s stat’s, but He will be sure curious about yours. What’s your batting average in His league? Seeing that they are very time consuming maybe redeeming the time to something more profitable and Spirit led may be appropriate. Just saying.

Ephesians 5:15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;