Some Myths About Engagement Series

Some Myths About Dating, Marriage & Divorce II

5/28/00 Proverbs 3:1-8 1 Corinthians 7:1-28

Last week I informed you I would be preaching a series of messages dealing with dating, marriage and divorce. The foundation which was laid to build upon involved us knowing four thing about ourselves individually. They are each of us is somebody special with a tremendous value in the eyes of God, each of us has a unique purpose in life, God has good in mind for each of us, and each of us has been set apart by God for special use. God told us to be holy even as He is holy. This requirement by God limits what we can and cannot do whether we are involved in relationships or not.

Now when it comes to being involved with members of the opposite sex, one of the best pieces of advice comes from the great theological writings of the The Main Ingredients. It goes like this, "Everybody plays the fool. There’s no exception to the rule, Listen baby If may be factual it may be cruel. I ain’t lying, everybody plays the fool. Falling in love is such an easy thing to do, but there’s no guarantee that the one you love, is going to love you. Heaven on earth is all you see, but that might not be reality, love runs deeper than any ocean it crowds your mind with emotions. How can you help it when the music starts to playing, and your ability to reason is swept away.

In dealing with our myths about dating, the first myth we hit was "there is a perfect person out there waiting for me to find him or her." Most of us admitted even a perfect person would get on our nerves at time. There is not a perfect person waiting to be found. The second myth we dealt with was, "you need to test drive someone before making a purchase." We are not used cars, but children of God, set apart by God. We are too expensive to be taken off the lot without first signing on the dotted line paid in full.

The third myth we looked at was "since we had a great time on the date, it must be God’s will for me to marry this person." A date is simply a date. Neither person is obligated to go out again with the other. If you’re not interested in a person in the same way they are interested in you, then it is better to tell them sooner rather than later. It will hurt either way, but it will hurt a lot less earlier than later. It will also keep you from being tempted to use your advantage in the relationship. The person who is least interested in the relationship has the most power in the relationship. That person has the least to lose.

We looked at the myth, "It does not matter if the other person is a Christian or not, we can still have a great relationship." God warns us against trying to put light and darkness together and thinking it will all be fine. When you discover the other person is not a Christian, you need to set some immediate standards and put a hedge about yourself. Otherwise, the person will draw you closer to the world, than you will draw them to the church. When Katy met Walter, he was not in anybody’s church. Katy told him up front, if you want to date me, you’ve got to go to church. Walter was no fool, he started going to church. If the person you’re dating refuses to accept this, why continue to pursue the relationship.

God knows that many of us will deceive ourselves when it comes to relationships. He also knows of our ability to play the fool. That’s why He put in Proverbs 4:23, "above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." If you do not guard your heart, you will find yourselves falling in love with all kinds of people. Even those who you know are off limits to you. There was another singing group with the warning, "once you fall in love, it’s heavy falling out." Most of us here have shed some tears from some lost love, but once we saw what God had for us down the road, we shouted hallelujah.

Now when we move from dating and are edging toward engagement, we want to know is this the right one for me. The bible gives us clear direction on whether or not the Lord has chosen just one person for you. I know it does not sound super romantic, but the answer is no. The bible tells us that there are some definitely wrong people for you to marry. Common sense should also tell you, there are some definite no- no’s out there. Look at 1 Corinthians 7:39 " A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. "