Sex: Guard Your Heart Series

SEX: GUARD YOUR HEART—Exodus 20:14; Proverbs 5, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7

I once saw a cartoon: Moses is coming down from the mountain, and he says to the people, “I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that I got him down to 10. The bad news is that #7 is still in there.”

The seventh commandment is, “Do not commit adultery.” Actually, most Americans think it is a pretty good one. According to a 2017 Gallup poll, only 9% say adultery is morally acceptable. Whether they believe in the sanctity of marriage or they recognize that adultery is a cruel betrayal of vows of commitment, they recognize the seriousness of adultery.

Yet many have a narrow view of what constitutes adultery. One third don’t see anything wrong with a married person maintaining a dating profile. About half say sending flirtatious messages is OK for a married person.

In addition, many people don’t think that what the Bible says about adultery applies to those who are not married. If the seventh commandment is not clear about that, the apostle Paul is quite clear: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality [Greek word “porneia,” the root of “pornography”]; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7)

Why does God say that? Does God have something against enjoying life and satisfying desires?

God invented sex! In fact, he gave us the desires that drive us toward relationships, pleasure, and intimacy. But God has a greater vision of sex as part of a lifetime of commitment and joy: Read Proverbs 5:1-21.

God gives us a vision of a family, gathering to celebrate 50 or 60 years of devoted marriage. The children are there with the grandchildren, and grandpa and grandma share a dance or gaze into each other’s eyes, their love stronger than it was when they first began. The grandkids don’t know the struggles and temptations, the uncertainty and doubt, even the failures and forgiveness, of all those years. They only hope that it is possible to share a lifetime of faithful love.

Sadly, not too many people will be able to celebrate that way. Some will lose a mate, and some will lose a marriage. Some will face challenges and fail to overcome them. Yet God gives this commandment to help us achieve his best for us, wherever we are in life.

WHY does God give this commandment? (“You shall not commit adultery.”)

• God loves us.

Genesis 2 says that God looked at Adam, and said, “It is not good for Adam to be alone.” So God gave him Eve, not only as a playmate, but as a mate. God’s intention is stated in Genesis 2:24, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Adam and Eve were united in flesh, but their unity was also emotional, spiritual, and eventually public.

God intends for sex between humans to be part of a relationship involving the whole person: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and legally. The emotional intimacy feeds the physical intimacy. The public commitment breeds security and trust. The physical desires draw people back together when they drift apart. That is God’s plan.

When people try to split apart the elements of marriage, that whole-person oneness is lost. Physical acts without committed love devalue persons, as Proverbs 6:26 says, “The prostitute REDUCES YOU to a loaf of bread.” An “emotional affair” brings inevitable frustration, as emotional intimacy is separated from the practical goals and priorities of a marriage relationship. Couples who live together without marriage are missing the security and community support of a public commitment.

In our culture, many are trying to build a marriage in pieces. They start with sex, then a vacation together, then moving in and maybe taking on a mortgage. Finally he buys a big ring and arranges a proposal worthy of sharing on Instagram, and they are “engaged.” When they get the time and money, they have a lavish wedding, with 20 attendants and a great venue. Somewhere in there, they decide the relationship is going to last a long time, and they have kids.

God makes it so much simpler! “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” A man and a woman take a deep breath, and decide they are ready to take a leap of faith to share the rest of their lives together. The ring he buys might not be the biggest, and the wedding might be a simple affair, but the people who matter are there to support them. Together, they learn the joys of whole-person intimacy, in the security of knowing they are in this adventure together, come what may. They share financial decisions, make friends together, and if kids come along, they have even more opportunities to share the adventures of life together.