Security And Significance Series

Heaven Help the Home

Marathon Marriage – Oct 2

Security & Significance – Oct 9

Fighting Fair – Oct 16

Taming the Tongue – Oct 23

Leading & Loving – Oct 30

Marathon Marriage – Oct 2

The Four Seasons of Marriage

Romance

Reality

Regret

Renewal

I read recently about a golden anniversary party that was thrown for an elderly couple. The husband was very moved by the occasion and wanted to tell his wife what he thought of her. She was very hard of hearing, however, and often misunderstood what he said. With many family members and friends gathered around, he toasted her and said, “My dear wife, after 50 years I’ve found you tried and true!” Everyone clapped for them, but his wife was a little irritated and asked, “What did you say?” So he repeated it again: “AFTER 50 YEARS, I’VE FOUND YOU TRIED AND TRUE!” The wife was now visibly upset and shouted back, “Well, let me tell you something – after 50 years I’m tired of you, too!”

Security and Significance

"Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I’m the only ashtray."

Overheard Comment

Have you ever felt like that? Of course you have. It is just the way life is sometimes – tough and difficult.

But for some people it’s not just a feeling they have sometimes – it’s the way they feel all of the time and that is the root of lot’s of destructive behavior.

Lansing State Journal article: 12:30 pm EDT August 23, 2005

65 Girls At Area School Pregnant

School To Unveil Three-Prong Program

Ohio -- There are 490 female students at ____ High School, and 65 are pregnant, according to a recent report...

The article reported that some would say that movies, TV, videogames, lazy parents and lax discipline may all be to blame.

School officials are not sure they what has caused so many pregnancies, but in response to them, the school is launching a three-prong educational program to address pregnancy, prevention and parenting.

According to the Health Department, statistics through July show that 104 of the 586 babies born to residents in school district were born to mothers between 11 and 19 years of age.

What is driving this surge of pregnancies? It’s not a lack of sex education. These babies are not being born accidentally. These numbers don’t count abortions. They don’t reflect the number of kids who are sexually active. This about babies.

Are you ready? There are a whole lot of people – men, women, teenage boys and girls who are looking for love and validation as a worthwhile person anywhere they can – some of these teens will even make a baby to love and be loved by in an attempt to find security and significance.

Finding Security and Significance

This issue is a critical and foundational matter to your life.

Proposition 1: Our two most basic human needs are for security and significance.

“Security” is the awareness of being unconditionally and totally loved.

It’s all about Relationship. Security is that sense of being acceptable and loved for who and what you are – no strings, restrictions, fine print or caveats.

“Significance” is the realization of value and that what you do is worthwhile.

It’s all about Performance. Significance focuses on what you can accomplish that is of value or what you do that has worth.

We all have these two needs. They are so important that if a person lacks either one, he or she is unable to function effectively in any relationship.

Now, generally speaking security is of greater importance to women and significance of greater importance to men.

Let me illustrate:

For example going to the grocery store with my wife, Donna, is an adventure with people. It’s not about shopping – it’s all about security – translate that as relationships. She talks to everyone in the place. The other shoppers, the guy putting cans on the shelves, the lady giving out free samples, and the man behind the meat counter. And if she happens to see a baby… well add about 10 minutes onto the shopping experience – minimum. Then we get to the check out and she will talk there to all kinds of people… and they talk back to her. Donna has perfect strangers tell her about personal illnesses and recent surgeries and it happens all the time. It’s about security – loving and being loved.

Now for me it’s about my worth translate that as significance. Rick and the grocery store is a totally different experience. It’s not about the relationships – it’s about the task. I’m on the hunt. I’m focused and I my vision narrows to the point that I see nothing but the aisle I’m aimed at. I see no one and nothing else. If I bump into you at the store I may not say anything because I don’t see you!!!! If you interrupt the hunt I can be pretty short and even a little brusk because you are holding up the hunt. And once the ketchup has been successfully run down and captured – I am so out of there! I once sailed in and out of Meijers in under 3 minutes! That’s significance!