Heaven Help the Home
Marathon Marriage – Oct 2
Security & Significance – Oct 9
Fighting Fair – Oct 16
Taming the Tongue – Oct 23
Leading & Loving – Oct 30
Marathon Marriage – Oct 2
The Four Seasons of Marriage
Romance
Reality
Regret
Renewal
I read recently about a golden anniversary party that was thrown for an elderly couple. The husband was very moved by the occasion and wanted to tell his wife what he thought of her. She was very hard of hearing, however, and often misunderstood what he said. With many family members and friends gathered around, he toasted her and said, “My dear wife, after 50 years I’ve found you tried and true!” Everyone clapped for them, but his wife was a little irritated and asked, “What did you say?” So he repeated it again: “AFTER 50 YEARS, I’VE FOUND YOU TRIED AND TRUE!” The wife was now visibly upset and shouted back, “Well, let me tell you something – after 50 years I’m tired of you, too!”
Security and Significance
"Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I’m the only ashtray."
Overheard Comment
Have you ever felt like that? Of course you have. It is just the way life is sometimes – tough and difficult.
But for some people it’s not just a feeling they have sometimes – it’s the way they feel all of the time and that is the root of lot’s of destructive behavior.
Lansing State Journal article: 12:30 pm EDT August 23, 2005
65 Girls At Area School Pregnant
School To Unveil Three-Prong Program
Ohio -- There are 490 female students at ____ High School, and 65 are pregnant, according to a recent report...
The article reported that some would say that movies, TV, videogames, lazy parents and lax discipline may all be to blame.
School officials are not sure they what has caused so many pregnancies, but in response to them, the school is launching a three-prong educational program to address pregnancy, prevention and parenting.
According to the Health Department, statistics through July show that 104 of the 586 babies born to residents in school district were born to mothers between 11 and 19 years of age.
What is driving this surge of pregnancies? It’s not a lack of sex education. These babies are not being born accidentally. These numbers don’t count abortions. They don’t reflect the number of kids who are sexually active. This about babies.
Are you ready? There are a whole lot of people – men, women, teenage boys and girls who are looking for love and validation as a worthwhile person anywhere they can – some of these teens will even make a baby to love and be loved by in an attempt to find security and significance.
Finding Security and Significance
This issue is a critical and foundational matter to your life.
Proposition 1: Our two most basic human needs are for security and significance.
“Security” is the awareness of being unconditionally and totally loved.
It’s all about Relationship. Security is that sense of being acceptable and loved for who and what you are – no strings, restrictions, fine print or caveats.
“Significance” is the realization of value and that what you do is worthwhile.
It’s all about Performance. Significance focuses on what you can accomplish that is of value or what you do that has worth.
We all have these two needs. They are so important that if a person lacks either one, he or she is unable to function effectively in any relationship.
Now, generally speaking security is of greater importance to women and significance of greater importance to men.
Let me illustrate:
For example going to the grocery store with my wife, Donna, is an adventure with people. It’s not about shopping – it’s all about security – translate that as relationships. She talks to everyone in the place. The other shoppers, the guy putting cans on the shelves, the lady giving out free samples, and the man behind the meat counter. And if she happens to see a baby… well add about 10 minutes onto the shopping experience – minimum. Then we get to the check out and she will talk there to all kinds of people… and they talk back to her. Donna has perfect strangers tell her about personal illnesses and recent surgeries and it happens all the time. It’s about security – loving and being loved.
Now for me it’s about my worth translate that as significance. Rick and the grocery store is a totally different experience. It’s not about the relationships – it’s about the task. I’m on the hunt. I’m focused and I my vision narrows to the point that I see nothing but the aisle I’m aimed at. I see no one and nothing else. If I bump into you at the store I may not say anything because I don’t see you!!!! If you interrupt the hunt I can be pretty short and even a little brusk because you are holding up the hunt. And once the ketchup has been successfully run down and captured – I am so out of there! I once sailed in and out of Meijers in under 3 minutes! That’s significance!
Actually both security and significance are essential for every one of us – it’s just that we tend to lean one way a little more than the other.
Finding Security and Significance
Proposition 2: Our most basic problem in life is that we look to the wrong source for our security and significance.
I would like to suggest something here:
God never intended that you would get your ultimate security from your mate. Ladies – that guy will never be the final source of your security – translate that as unconditional love.
God never intended that your mate would be your source of significance either. Guys – you will never gain your ultimate value and worth from your spouse.
This is true for one simple reason – we are all flawed beings. Guys have to learn to love their wives and ladies have to learn to submit and respect their husbands – this is why Paul commands these things in Ephesians 5.
There is only one real source of security and significance – now stay with me on this one because your first reaction may be to roll your eyes. You may think my answer is trite.
Here it is: your primary needs can only be met through a relationship with God. The creator God and spiritual father is the only place you can find unconditional love and acceptance as a person of value.
SECURITY: “…But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners.”
Romans 5:6-8
Why do you think the Bible says so much about God’s unconditional love for his people, if it’s not to build into us a sense of security?
We are loved by a love that is freely given, that cannot be earned, and can therefore never be lost. If we look to God to meet our basic need for security, then we will not be vulnerable, because He will never fail us.
SIGNIFICANCE: “We all have different gifts, each of which came because of the grace God gave us.”
Romans 12:4-6a
Why also do you think the Bible says so much about the fact that God is our Creator, that He is active in our lives from the very moment of conception, that He has gifted us, that He has plans for us, and that He desires to use us in various ministries, if it’s not to give us a basic sense of significance?
Because He loves us unconditionally – and is the only one who can love us this way – He is the only real source of security. And because He created us, gifted us, and called us to serve Him, our basic significance and self-worth must also be found in Him.
Friends, these truths can make an incredible impact on your marriage. If I know I am secure and significant already, whether or not I happen to feel it at any moment, then I am free to minister to my spouse without building up walls of protection to avoid being hurt. Nothing my spouse can do or say can destroy my security or my sense of significance.
Finding Security and Significance
Proposition 3: Our most basic responsibility is to encourage our mates, teach our children, and show our friends that security and significance comes from God by how we live with and love them.
Look this is how it works: Once we believe, understand, and appropriate these truths, then we are able to reach out in love to our spouse.
While it is true that our basic needs for security and significance are met through our relationship with God it is also true that God normally uses husbands and wives as His principal instruments to develop within each other and in our families the conscious awareness of unconditional love and personal worth. While marriage partners cannot add to the fact of one’s security and significance, they can help create an environment where those needs can be met in each other and with their children.
Unfortunately, many of us are not reinforcers but rejecters of what God wants to do in our mate’s life or in our children’s lives.
We are so wrapped up in our own feelings, needs, and interests, that we often don’t even consider the needs of our spouse or those of our kids.
When we really grasp hold of these truths it changes the way we live with others.
Show Video: The Stars 3:20
by Eric Herron
Security & Significance changes how you live
Let me show you how it works… Let’s go to Ephesians 5:17 & 18…
17 So do not be foolish but learn what the Lord wants you to do. 18 Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit.
Ephesians 5:17
First, don’t be foolish. This is not rocket science – you can figure it out. What is it we are to figure out? Simple: Learn what the Lord wants you to DO!
Don’t be drunk with wine – that leads to ruination. In other words, don’t let your life get consumed and taken over by the desire to feel good in that moment.
Instead – Be filled with the spirit. Give yourself over to be led by your relationship with God. Let’s get a little fanatical about God. Let’s get passionate about Jesus. Let’s take church beyond the limits of a social club and let it become a community of believers who are following Jesus and doing his will.
Colossians 3:15-16a in a parallel passage says it this way: 15 Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because you were all called together in one body to have peace. Always be thankful. 16 Let the teaching of Christ live in you richly.
Security & Significance changes how you live
Eph 5:19 – You speak to each other in Psalms Hymns and Spiritual Songs
Eph 5:20 – You give thanks to God in everything
Eph 5:21 – You yield to one another in love
Eph 5:22 – Wives yield to their husbands like the church yields to Jesus.
Eph 5:25 – Husbands love their wives like Jesus loved the church, like their own bodies, and like they love themselves.
Eph 6:1 – Children obey their parents
Eph 6:4 – Fathers, don’t make their children angry
Eph 6:5 – Slaves (employees) obey their masters (employers)
Eph 6:9 – Masters (employers) are good to their slaves (employees)
Eph 6:10 – Everyone is strong in the Lord and His great power.
Security and Significance
1st: Be filled with the Spirit and let the word of Christ live in you richly.
God is the source of your strength and power. Connect with him – start praying and reading the word of God. Make it an objective in your life.
2nd: Be an encourager in the lives of others as you show them God’s love and acceptance
Be a reinforcer of God’s love and acceptance in your earthly family and in your spiritual family. In fact, let’s get fanatic about this. Let’s get passionate about Meridian Christian Church and what we bring to this community.
This is why we need church. This is why we need to get passionate about our friends learning who Jesus is. This is why church isn’t just another club or activity. What we have done here in the last 13 years has made a difference in people’s lives – hundreds directly and thousands beyond.
What we are doing here today makes a difference in the lives of those who have heard – really heard this message with their hearts as well as their ears. What we do here at MCC tomorrow depends on our passion for God today!
Palms 128
Happy are those who respect the Lord and obey him.
You will enjoy what you work for, and you will be blessed with good things.
Your wife will give you many children, like a vine that produces much fruit.
Your children will bring you much good, like olive branches that produce many olives.
This is how the man who respects the Lord will be blessed.
May the Lord bless you from Mount Zion; may you enjoy the good things of Jerusalem all your life.
May you see your grandchildren. Let there be peace in Israel.
