(Section 3) Before You Pomise Series

Relationships and Marriage

III. BEFORE YOU PROMISE

INTRODUCTION:

There was a you man who fell in love with a pretty young lady. He took her home to meet his mother before asking her to marry him. But alas, his mother disliked the girl intensely and refused to give her blessings. Three times this happened with different candidates for marriage , leaving the young man exasperated. Finally, in desperation he found a girl was amazingly like his mother. The walked an talked, and even looked alike, surely my mother will approve of this selection, he thought. With great anticipation he took his new friend home to be considered . . . and behold his father hated her! Love For a Lifetime Dr. James C. Dobson 1987

A. Marrying for the wrong reasons.

1. Peer Pressure

All the other girls are engaged.

2. Parental Pressure

When are you going to state looking for a wife-husband?

You must not be husband-shopping in the right place.

What’s wrong with you?

3. Goodbye loneliness

A single person wrote this about her struggle with loneliness: “I can’t think of anything I hate more than being alone. Everywhere I turn I see couples-couples on television in cars, couples on planes, couples in restaurants. Everywhere there are reminders that I am alone. I wonder if I will ever find a person to fill that hole in my heart?

Fit to Be Tied by Bill and Lynne Hybels 1991 pg 31

4. Put me back together

Alcoholism, abuse, divorced homes, etc.

In the society of today many young people are growing up in situations that often carry wounds that no one sees, wound that leave them hurt and needy, wounds that drive them to search for someone who can heal them, patch up their broken places, or at least make their pain to subside a little while. Pg 34

A young person who was neglected, devalued, or mistreated during his or her growing-up years often feels like he is drowning emotionally. Feelings swirl around inside him so fast he fears he will get sucked under and never able to come up. Just then a five-foot four-inch blond-haired life preserver floats by. The you man does what any drowning person would do: He grabs on for dear life. Maybe she can help me. Maybe she can help me. Maybe she can save me from drowning. The five-foot four-inch blond interprets this young man’s tight embrace as true love. The storybook kind. That will last for a lifetime. The kind that she has been searching for. Pg 34-35

A man or woman who latches onto a life preserver, dates ferociously for a few months, the get married, is opening the door for disaster. One day the life-preserving spouse is going to get out of bed and say, “Please, can you give me just a little slack? Can you give me a little space? You’ve been clutching me so tightly I’m losing my breath.” And that pain-filled, drowning spouse is going to interpret that request for space as another round of rejection, or neglect. Or abuse-and the threat will be too much to bear. The marriage will go up for grabs. Fit to Be Tied Bill and Lynne Hybels 1991 pg 37

6. Marrying Moods

Auto industry insiders know that most car buyer purchase cars within forty-eight hours of walking into the first showroom. That is why dealers display new cars so seductively in their showroom, and why salespeople try so hard to seal the deal fast. They know that after forty-eight hours the “mood” will likely wear off. The customer will return to reality and allow good judgment to prevail. Fit to Be Tied Bill and Lynne Hybels 1991 pg 45

People tend to focus on one or two feathers that capture their attention. The payments may last 5 years. This is a five year decision.

No one would be foolish enough to fixate on one or two features of another person without carefully scrutinizing other qualities, or to get engaged and set a wedding date while their judgment was held hostage by hormones. No one would do that. Would they? Unfortunately, too often they would. You see, there is a marrying mood-a marrying mood that causes temporary insanity and sabotages normal clear-thinking brains. And too many single adults, you and old, get caught up in it pg 47

This should be a lifetime decision.

The wrong car? You can trade in, the wrong house? You can sell it. The wrong spouse? . . .

Unwelcome Advice—People in these moods hate it when a concerned individual tries to give some advice.

B. CHOOSING THE RIGHT MATE Zig Ziglar

1. Invite God, through prayer, to participate in the search.

2. Shop for your mate in the right place.

Yes, I know that occasionally you can find a good biscuit in the garbage can, but the odds are against it. Likewise, any place that is basically destructive of mankind and contrary to biblical principles is going to be frequented by people who are looking for playmates and not life-mates. I’m speaking of nightclubs, casinos, bars, racetracks, and other places where destructive morals the order of the day instead of the exception to the rule.