OPENING STATEMENT: Over the past few weeks, we’ve been looking at how we can create a G-rated (a G-od centered) home in the midst of an R-rated world. This week, we’re going to look at a crucial element of that effort – fathers.
ILLUS: Dr. James Dobson told the story of when he was about 3 three years old. He said they lived in a one-bedroom apartment and his little bed was located beside his parents’. His Dad said it was not uncommon during that time to awaken at night and hear a little voice whispering, "Daddy? Daddy?"
He would answer quietly, "What, Jimmy?"
Then I would reply, "Hold my hand!"
My dad would reach across the darkness and grope for my little hand, finally engulfing it in his. He said the instant he encompassed my hand, my arm would become limp and my breathing deep and regular. I had gone back to sleep.
You see, I only wanted to know that he was there!
APPLY: This is Father’s Day. It’s a day to honor the dads who are there/ or have been there.
But now, not every father lives up to the praise that Father’s Day was designed to give… but most fathers really do try to be the kind of men their children can be proud of.
A good father has a significant impact on a family.
Professor David Popenoe in his book “Life Without Father” said, "Depriving children of fathers has become the most prevalent form of child mal-treatment in America today."
Why are fathers so important?
1. Fathers protect their daughters from abuse, protect their sons from violence, protect their wives from rape and assault, and protect their neighborhoods from intrusion and disorder.
2. Fathers are the primary providers. Even though many mothers work, fathers are still expected to earn the lion’s share of income.
3. Sons learn about male responsibility, achievement, suitable assertiveness, and independence best from their fathers. A father’s authority and discipline in rearing sons, particularly teenage sons, is difficult for a mother to achieve.
4. When a daughter enjoys her father, she experiences a healthier femininity, she feels love worthy, and she is able to trust. Daughters who are able to trust men normally, grow and marry trustworthy men.
5. Fathers provide stimulating and exciting "rough and tumble" play, but within limits. Children learn that biting and kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. They learn when enough is enough. A study among Texas prisoners showed that 90% of inmates did not play as children or played abnormally. The majority of prisoners also have little to no relationship with their fathers.
6. Fathers stress the survivor skills of competition, challenge, initiative, risk-taking, and independence. In contrast, mothers emphasize social integration, relationships, and personal well-being. Fathers focus on their children’s long term development, while mothers focus on their immediate situation. Fathers stress justice, fairness, and duty (based on rules). Mothers stress sympathy, care, and helping (based on relationships).
7. Children learn the healthy use of power from father and love from mother. Researchers Westley and Epstein (1970) said that only this kind of parenting "produces predominantly emotionally healthy children."
So fathers ARE important to a family…
But does that mean that a father will ALWAYS do what is right?
(long pause)
We’d like to think so, but of course we all know that’s not true.
ILLUS: I find comfort in the words of Bill Cosby who advised new fathers that when they feel bewildered and even defeated that they should take comfort from the fact that - whatever they do in any fathering situation - they have a 50% chance of being right.
So, fathers will fail – more often than they would care to admit.
We’ll make mistakes
We’ll fall short
… and we’ll often wonder if our failures will do damage to our families.
But here we have the story of a father who does EVERYTHING RIGHT
We have before us (here in Luke 15) the story of one of the best possible fathers you’d ever see, a faithful father who did everything right.
AND how do we know that he’d done everything right? Because the father in Jesus’ story of the Prodigal Son is God Himself.
In other words… this father was faultless. This father did nothing wrong.
And yet his son still couldn’t stand to be in the same house with him. In fact, his son was so rude, arrogant and self-centered that he couldn’t wait for his daddy to die so that he could get his inheritance and go off to play with his little friends.
ILLUS: It kind of reminds me of the story of a married couple had a boy that was difficult to raise. He caused all types of trouble in school, in the neighborhood and at home. One year, the couple went on a trip to Europe while the boy stayed with relatives back home. While they were in Greece, they sent back a postcard to their son with this message:
“Today on our tour we came to a cliff over which Greek women were said to have once thrown their defective children…. Wish you were here.”
The story we’ve read from Luke 15 is often called what?...
The Story of the Prodigal Son.
But as much as Luke 15 is indeed the story of a son who returned to his father… I believe it’s even more a story a Faithful Father and the methods he used in dealing with that son.
You see, this isn’t the story of a father who failed, but rather, the story of a dad who did what needed to be done to keep his home from becoming overwhelmed by the R-ratedness that had warped his son’s personality.
You see… the ultimate R-rated home is one that is dominated by:
Resentment
Rebellion
Rudeness
Rejection
The Prodigal Son was caught up in all those R-rated emotions… and that’s why he left home!
And yet the father in this story ultimately got his son back…
BUT not as the R-rated son who had ran away.
Not as a rebellious boy or a resentful boy…
but rather, his son came back to him as one who would bring him honor and pride.
Why was this Faithful Father successful?
Because he worked hard at creating a G-Rated home.
1st - This father was a righteous man… a good man. He set a good example for his boys.
Even his son tells us this.
In Luke 15:17 we’re told: "When (the Prodigal Son) came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!”
The father’s servants had food to spare. He didn’t force his workers to live on starvation wages. He was a decent man who looked out for others.
And that’s why the Prodigal (when he finally came to senses) began to reason that it would be worthwhile to go home and plead for help.
· His Dad was fair
· His Dad was decent
· His Dad had a good reputation with others
· And thus (the boy reasoned) his dad wouldn’t even turn away his son… even though that boy didn’t deserve to be helped.
The example a father has on his child can make all the difference in how that boy/girl grows up.
ILLUS: Jon Winokur wrote a book entitled “Fathers”. In it he quotes many high profile celebrities concerning their fathers.
For example, he quotes broadcaster Ted Turner who shared this memorable story about his dad: “One summer I made $50 a week, and my father charged me $25 a week rent. I asked him if that wasn’t a little high. He said that if I could do better than that for food and lodging 7 days a week I could move out.”
Now, what kind of man is Ted Turner? He’s a difficult, hard bitten man who doesn’t play well with others. Seemingly, the central focus of Turner’s life is money and power… a lesson he learned well from his father.
By contrast, consider this story Winokur shares with about a golfer by the name of Juan “Chi Chi” Rodriguez. Chi Chi is considered one of the finest and most upstanding men on the golf circuit, and his memory of his father tells us why:
“One night,” says Rodriguez, “at about 2 in the morning, my father caught a man stealing bananas from our backyard. He went over to the man with his machete, took the bananas, cut the branch in half and said, ‘Here, you can have it.’ And then he said, ‘From now on, if you need anything from the back of our house, come to the front.’”
So… 1st, the faithful father set a good example for his sons.
2ndly – he set down rules that he expected to have kept.
I’m not sure what the Prodigal Son didn’t like about living under his dad’s roof but I’m convinced it included the fact that he couldn’t live the way he wanted to live.
Notice: The moment that boy was off on his own he surrounded himself with questionable friends and he engaged in what Luke 15 calls “wild living”.
So the boy demanded his inheritance and announced he was leaving home
(pause…)
Why didn’t that dad just say “Son… I’m so sorry I offended you with my rules… let’s talk about it… maybe we can work something out. Just agree to stay and I’ll let you do whatever you want!”
Why didn’t he say that?
He didn’t say that because his objective was NOT to keep his son at the cost of allowing him to have an R-rated personality. He didn’t want his boy to grow up to be rude, rebellious and resentful, and so he refused to give in to his boy’s desires.
(pause…) Now, he could have bought peace at the cost of giving into this boy. But a good father realizes God holds us accountable for the influences we allow into the home.
We parents do our sons/daughters NO FAVORS by allowing rebelliousness just to make them happy.
ILLUS: I once attended a talent show at a school where a boy was singing a song he’d written. I didn’t catch many of the words, but it was obvious he was singing about his dad - and he didn’t like his dad very much (possibly with good reason). But here he was – venting his spleen in front of everybody about how bad a dad he’d had.
Then, right in the middle of the song, this boy gets down off the stage, goes over and holds his momma’s hand, and she embraces him. She smiles at him.
By her actions, this mother was telling this audience that she approved and endorsed all the resentment and anger this boy was wanting to unload in front of them.
Suddenly, I was struck by the sadness of this whole situation. I thought to myself… this woman believes she’s helping her son by encouraging his resentment. But all she’s doing is setting him up for failure.
Exodus 20:12 says we should "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”
Notice, the command DOESN’T say “Honor them if they deserve it…” It simply says honor.
Now, I’m pretty sure, honoring my parents doesn’t allow for singing a song before an entire audience to rip daddy dearest apart.
By encouraging her son to hate his dad, that woman is sowing the seeds of his destruction. Or as Proverbs 19:18 tell us, she has become “a willing party to his death”
The Father in Luke 15 had set the rules in his home because he loved his son, and because he knew of the judgment God would bring upon a rebellious son.
So… this father set a good example for his sons
And this father was willing to set rules and stand by them.
But then he does the oddest thing…
he lets his boy leave home and doesn’t try to stop him.
Why not? Why not try and stop this boy?
Because (lastly) this father put his faith in God.
Remember, this dad is a rich man (he’s got plenty of servants/ large herds). He probably knows where his son is at. I mean, he can afford to pay someone to find out where that boy’s living…
but he doesn’t go to visit his son – his son is still rebellious
and he doesn’t send his son money - that would simply allow his son to live in sin… and avoid the consequences of his rebelliousness.
ILLUS: Do you know what they call the spouse of an alcoholic that does thing to make the alcoholic’s addiction easier to do? An Enabler.
The Faithful Father in this story refused to become an enabler for his son’s sinfulness.
So, what’s this father do?
Well… he waits
… and he waits
… and he waits
… and he watches the horizon.
He’s always looking down the road, in hopeful expectation of his son’s return.
“…when (the Prodigal son) was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.” Luke 15:20
How could this father possibly have stood by so calmly when his son was off destroying himself.
Why didn’t he rush off to the city where his boy was and plead for him to return?
Why didn’t he hire some men to kidnap the boy and drag him home?
Why didn’t he wire some money to bail the boy out of his troubles?
Because this father trusted God.
When we don’t place our trust in God, we can end up doing all kinds of things to our families that we’ll later regret.
But Paul wrote: “… I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12
In other words, Paul was saying that he had learned by experience that he could trust God. And thus, he was convinced that God was able to keep, guard, and protect everything that Paul was willing to put in God’s care.
That’s another way of saying “Let go and let God.”
A good dad learns that this is the best policy. It’s not the easiest policy… but it is the best and most effective one.
CLOSE: Being a good dad isn’t easy
None of us are without sin and faults in our lives. But the father in Jesus’ story of the Prodigal son gives us the example of the best kind of dad.
If we’re going to be successful, we need to learn to be like that Father… our eternal Father
Andrew Gillies once wrote this poem:
Last night my little boy confessed to me some childish wrong;
And kneeling at my knee he prayed with tears:
"Dear God make me a man like Daddy - wise and strong
I know you can." Then he slept.
I knelt beside his bed, confessed my sins
And prayed with low bowed head.
"Oh God, make me a child like my child here -
Pure guileless, trusting thee with faith sincere.
SERMONS IN THIS SERIES
Raising A G-Rated Family In An R-Rated World
1 Peter 1:17-1:19
Committing A G-Rated Marriage
Ephesians 5:21-5:33
Teachable Moments
Deuteronomy 6:1-6:23
Spring Cleaning
Exodus 12:1-12:28
The Bad Dad
1 Samuel 2:12-2:36
The Faithful Father
Luke 15:11-15:32
