OPEN: In our series of building a G-rated home in an R-rated world, one of the things we need to realize is that much of what we’ve come to believe about marriage has come from those who teach an “R-rated” view of how married people ought to think. God’s view of marriage is far different than this world’s concept. There are several in our congregation this morning who are not presently married, and while this sermon doesn’t directly apply to you… there are things you can learn this morning that will help your friends and families in their marriages.
ILLUS: Many young couples get nervous during their wedding ceremony. Some will get so nervous they shake, others sweat, some will cry, others experience their ring finger swelling to the point where their partner can’t get the ring on their finger.
A preacher by the name of Tim Coop was performing a wedding ceremony some time ago and the young bride became nervous to the point where she got the giggles.
He was repeating the vows for her and got to the place where he says, “till death due us part” and the bride started laughing.
There was an awkward silence in the church.
They waited until she settled down. Then he said again, “Till death due us part.”
This time she said, “Till . . .” and burst out in the giggles again. The congregation began to giggle with her.
Tim tried a 3rd time and said to the Bride: “Till death due us part.” And she couldn’t get it out. She started laughing again.
Finally Tim leaned over to her and said: “Well, if you don’t want “til death do us part”, would you settle for a couple of years.”
APPLY: We’re going to focus today on one of the most significant cornerstones of a strong family: two people who have decided to make their marriage last til death does them part. A husband and wife who strive to make their marriage strong and lasting.
Now when I first began studying for this sermon, I began with a certain premise:
“Strong Christian families begin with a husband & wife who are committed to each other.”
And that seemed like a reasonable thing to teach.
So I went into my computer’s Bible program… and I looked up “commitment.” But I couldn’t find that word anywhere. The word “commitment” wasn’t in the KJV, the NIV, or the RSV… or any other version I researched.
So, I thought, I’ll just look up the word “Commit”. And when I typed that into the computer I found a whole slew of references. Most of them were to “commit sin” and to “commit adultery” – neither of which were things I’d want to teach you to do from this pulpit.
But then… I found two passages that caught my attention.
Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.”
Psalms 37:5-6 “Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.”
When I read those two passages I knew I had to change my premise. Because, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that:
A strong Christian marriage is NOT built upon the commitment two people have to each other.
A strong Christian marriage IS BUILT upon the commitment the husband/wife have to God.
ILLUS: Years ago I watched a counselor draw a chart on a piece of paper when he was talking to a couple who were having marital problems.
(on our overhead we had a graphic of a male and female standing at each side of the screen with an “arrow” line drawn between them – half the line was pointing to the male and half pointing toward the woman. The Line had an empty space in the middle where a lightning bolt split the line -indicated a break in this couple’s relationship).
That counselor explained that, when couples are dating they’re drawn together by of a number of factors:
1. physical attraction (they way look, they way they kiss)
2. common interests (music, movies, art)
3. but primarily they are drawn to each other because they make each other feel good about themselves. There’s a technical scientific term for this “feel good” attraction: it’s called the “warm fuzzies”.
But when this couple get married - over time and even in the best of marriages - a husband and wife can get to the point where they don’t "feel good" about each other anymore. They get irritated with one another. They begin to argue over all kinds of issues. They can begin to take each other for granted… or even misuse one another.
The bond that once held them together isn’t there now because they’ve fallen out of the habit of giving each other the “warm fuzzies.”
When this breakdown in their relationship occurs, it’s hard to talk to them about “commitment.”
They don’t see the sense in “committing” to someone who has become so undependable as this person to whom they once said “til death do us part.”
I believe that’s why I couldn’t find anyplace in the Bible that talked about husbands and wives “committing” themselves primarily to their spouses.
Now, the Bible DOES talk about:
* wives respecting/ submitting to their husbands as the church submits to Christ
* and husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
And that is commitment. But it’s a commitment built upon our more basic allegiance to HIM.
Ephesians 5:21 opens the passage we read this morning about marriage with these words:
“Submit to one another OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST.”
In other words God wants you husbands/ wives… to submit yourselves to your spouse
NOT because they deserve it
NOT because they it’ll make you feel good
BUT because you are committed to Christ. Because you love Jesus.
(at this point, we put another picture on the overhead. In this one, the same couple was shown with a triangle named "God" above their heads. Arrows angled upwards from the husband and wife to point to God, indicating that God was the focus of their lives. If you’d like a copy of these pictures, e-mail me).
Now, the counselor I spoke of earlier drew a few more lines on that piece of paper. He pointed out that God recognizes that sometimes husbands and wives don’t get along. Sometimes they won’t like each other, but Christians husbands and wives have an edge… because
1st – Their focus is on God - above and beyond their relationship with each other
2nd - the closer they walk with God, the closer they get to their spouse
Now I Must Caution You: This WILL work… but it will ONLY work for the Christian who is willing to look to God and trust Him in their marriage.
TURN WITH ME TO Psalms 37:5-8
“Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret — it leads only to evil.”
This passage has 3 parts
• A promise: “He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun”
• This promise is based upon a set of conditions that must be fulfilled
o Commit your way to the Lord (vs. 5)
o Trust in Him (vs. 5)
Now, how do I commit my ways to God and fully trust Him?
o Be still… and wait patiently (vs. 7)
o Refrain from anger (vs. 8)
o Do not fret (vs. 8)
Most Christian marriages fail because the husband or wife have failed to trust God. They have failed to wait for Him.
AND because they were unwilling to wait for Him and trust Him, they allow their anger to get out of hand OR they allow themselves to fret / worry to the point where they say: “I need to take matters into my own hands.”
God says… when you or I react to frustrations in our marriages in these ways - “it LEADS ONLY TO EVIL” (vs. 8)
Now, by contrast, God says that when our hearts are right, He will say:
"Because he loves me… I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.” Psalms 91:14-15
In other words… if we do things GOD’S way… eventually everything will turn out ok.
God will deliver us
Rescue us
Protect us
But only if we’re willing to OBEY Him and WAIT on His timing.
ILLUS: A couple of years ago, authors Linda J. Waite & Maggie Gallagher wrote a book called The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially and they revealed all kinds of statistics that pointed out some of the practical reasons why people should not get divorced.
What was intriguing was one of the statistics they examined related to “bad marriages”. They asked the question what happens to a bad marriage that don’t end?
What they found was fairly shocking: Among couples which originally reported that their marriage was VERY unhappy they interviewed them again - 5 years later - and they found that
77 percent of very unhappily married couples that stayed married now called their marriage either "very happy" or "quite happy."
So, in other words… even if I’m not a Christian - if I’m willing to be patient, if I’m willing to wait - my marriage may turn out ok anyway. But, our advantage as Christians is that we’re not waiting on a mixture of chance and some vague hope that things will turn out OK. We’re waiting on God to ACTIVELY work in our marriages during that time.
In fact, God says that He wants to give us tools to bring about the healing in the meantime.
What are those tools????
1. Wives submit to your husbands by respecting them.
2. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.
ILLUS: Back in 1999, Syracuse University interviewed a large number of married couples and asked:
What do you want in your marriage:
Guess what the #1 response was among men?
Answer: Respect from their wives.
Men indicated that when their wife did this "She makes me feel capable." "She is proud of me!" "She is willing to follow my lead."
Guess what the #1 response was among women?
Answer: Affection from their husbands.
MEN: Court your wife like you did when you first went out together. Buy her things/ get her flowers/ take her out to eat.
Lastly, why do you think God gave these two different commands to the wife and husband??
Why would He tell the husbands to love their wives
But women were told to respect their husbands
From what I’ve observed, it’s because these are the areas in which men and women have the hardest time.
Men have difficulty loving their wives and treating them gently as they should.
1 Peter 3:7 warns husbands that if they don’t handle their wives gently God won’t hear their prayers.
Women have difficulty respecting their husbands as they should. Proverbs indicates that the goal of a good wife is to make her husband respected by others. Proverbs 31 says that the husband of the “noble woman” sits at the gate… a place of respect. Why is he there? Because the Bible teaches that: behind every successful man is a good woman.
A woman can make or break her husband
Or as Proverbs 14:1 tells us “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
CLOSE: When we commit ourselves to God, and obey Him in our marriage vows we’ll have an effect on our children/ grandchildren/ and even by-standers.
An author by the name of Fred Smith told this story:
“One of my treasured memories comes from a doughnut shop in Grand Saline, Texas. There was a young farm couple sitting at the table next to mine. He was wearing overalls and she a gingham dress. After finishing their doughnuts, he got up to pay the bill and I noticed she didn’t get up to follow him. But then he came back and stood in front of her.
She put her arms around his neck, and he lifted her up, revealing that she was wearing a full body brace. He lifted her out of her chair and backed out the front door to the pick up truck, with her hanging from his neck. As he gently put her into the truck, everyone in the shop watched.
No one said anything until a waitress remarked, almost reverently, “He took his vows seriously.”
SERMONS IN THIS SERIES
Raising A G-Rated Family In An R-Rated World
1 Peter 1:17-1:19
Committing A G-Rated Marriage
Ephesians 5:21-5:33
Teachable Moments
Deuteronomy 6:1-6:23
Spring Cleaning
Exodus 12:1-12:28
The Bad Dad
1 Samuel 2:12-2:36
The Faithful Father
Luke 15:11-15:32
