Good Grief - part 3
On the lighter side of life:
An ancient story is told about a slave who traveled with his master to Baghdad. As he walked the busy streets he found himself in the market place where he saw Death in human form. Death looked at him with such a piercing look that it frightened the slave, & he interpreted that look to mean that Death was planning soon to take his life.
He quickly rushed back to his master & told him what he had seen in the market place & asked if he might ride his camel to Samara, 15 hours away, because he was sure that he would be safe there, for Death would not know where to find him. The master gave him permission, & quickly the slave was on his way to Samara.
A few hours later the master was in the market place where he also saw Death in human form. He walked up to Death & asked, "Why did you look at my slave with such a threatening look?" Death answered, "That was not a threatening look. That was a look of surprise. I had a date with him tonight in Samara & I was surprised to see him here in Baghdad."
Contributed to Sermon Central by: MELVIN NEWLAND
Video Illustration from Illustrate Volume 4 – Tammy – death of her husband.
Thesis: The Body of Christ needs to learn how to administer “Good Grief” in loss, in crisis and in trauma situations of life.
Scripture Text:
Ecclesiastes 7:1-2
1 A good name is better than fine perfume,
and the day of death better than the day of birth.
2 It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
Ecclesiastes 8:8a:
8 No man has power over the wind to contain it;
so no one has power over the day of his death…
1 Samuel 1: 17-27 - Our text reveals that grief is a major part of dealing with the death of others:
17David took up this lament concerning Saul and his son Jonathan, (at their death) 18and ordered that the men of Judah be taught this lament of the bow (it is written in the Book of Jashar):
19 “Your glory, O Israel, lies slain on your heights.
How the mighty have fallen!
20 “Tell it not in Gath,
proclaim it not in the streets of Ashkelon,
lest the daughters of the Philistines be glad,
lest the daughters of the uncircumcised rejoice.
21 “O mountains of Gilboa,
may you have neither dew nor rain,
nor fields that yield offerings of grain.
For there the shield of the mighty was defiled,
the shield of Saul—no longer rubbed with oil.
22 From the blood of the slain,
from the flesh of the mighty,
the bow of Jonathan did not turn back,
the sword of Saul did not return unsatisfied.
23 “Saul and Jonathan—
in life they were loved and gracious,
and in death they were not parted.
They were swifter than eagles,
they were stronger than lions.
24 “O daughters of Israel,
weep for Saul,
who clothed you in scarlet and finery,
who adorned your garments with ornaments of gold.
25 “How the mighty have fallen in battle!
Jonathan lies slain on your heights.
26 I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother;
you were very dear to me.
Your love for me was wonderful,
more wonderful than that of women.
27 “How the mighty have fallen!
The weapons of war have perished!”
Introduction:
In our third series on Good grief we are going to talk about the importance of preparing for death. Why should we prepare for our own deaths? Isn’t that like morbid? Is that really what a faith filled person does? If you prepare for your death won’t that cause you anxiety? Many questions race through our minds when we address the issue of death. But here is a reality check this morning:
Reality check exercise: Everyone look at the person sitting next to you and say this, “One day you and I are going to die! So what are you going to do about that now?”
Quote: De Vries, Smeenge, “As a society we tend to avoid talking about unpleasant things, and death is in that category. We want to focus on happy thoughts, the beginnings rather than the endings. We work hard to accumulate and achieve, striving to do our best among the many challenges and difficulties of daily life, and we don’t want it to end. We don’t want to lose everything we have attained, and we prefer not to think about this inevitability” (20).
The truth is you and I will one day face death. Every one of us will experience this part of life! But my question to you today is, “How are you preparing for that day?” I want to remind you that it is closer than you think!
Poem:
Light and dark.
Sweet or sour
Big and small
Each alone
But only understood together
Life and death-
When one begins
Each begins.
The baby’s first cry
Echoes tears of the grave.
By R. De Vries, S. Smeenge
Quote:
“The confronting of death gives the most positive reality to life itself. It makes the individual existence real, absolute, and concrete. Death is one fact of my life which is not relative but absolute and my awareness of this gives my existence and what I do each hour and absolute quality” (Rollo May).
Before we progress much further today I want to hit you with the big question, “If you were to die today would you be convinced that you would go to Heaven or to that other place?” the answer to this question really determines how well you will deal with death. So the first step to planning for death is to make sure our hearts and lives are in the right place with God.
Is yours in the right place?
Romans 8:1-17:
1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, 4in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
12Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of son-ship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Roman’s also tells us that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. But if we decided to surrender our lives to Jesus Christ – repent of our sin and our selfish ways then He will forgive us and bestow upon us the gift of righteousness and salvation. When we receive the gift of salvation we then no longer need to fear death or dying. Instead we can be excited that we will cross over from this realm to a new heavenly realm filled with love, joy, peace and the like.
So let’s live our lives in light of Romans 6:23 “23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Once we have our hearts and lives in the right position with the Lord then we can look at death in a different light and also help someone through the process of grief as it relates to death. The truth is we can live more fully when we learn to embrace that death is a part of life and we can use the process of death and dying to really help us to live better.
Please Note: The following information was taken directly or indirectly from the seminar “Living fully in the shadow of death: Helping people deal with life’s end.” by De Vries and Smeenge - 2005 AACC Convention. It is also taken from their book Living Fully In The Shadow of Death. Thank you Robert and Susan for your great spiritual insights in death and dying!
T.S. - Let us now look at some steps to helping people deal with death.
I. Acknowledge that death is a part of life and do not deny the reality of it.
a. How have you handled death in the past? (Be honest with yourself!)
i. Ignore it?
ii. Afraid of it?
1. Quote: “The soul afraid of dying never really lives!” Rose
iii. Embraced it?
iv. Ran away from it?
v. Pretend it did not happen?
vi. Understand it?
vii. Pray through it?
viii. Learn from it?
1. Quote: “It’s too bad that dying is the last thing we can do because we learn so much from it!” Robert Herhold
b. How did your family deal with it?
i. Think of someone who died in your family:
1. Who died?
2. Under what circumstances did they die?
a. Saved?
b. Unsaved?
3. How did your family handle it?
ii. How did you deal with this death in your family?
1. As a Christian?
a. What is your responsibility in this moment of time?
2. As a non-Christian?
a. What is your responsibility when an unsaved person has to face their death?
T.S. – We need to look at death squarely in the face and admit it will happen to us and then use this situation to discuss the spiritual truths of death.
II. Use the situation in the shadow of death to discuss spiritual truths.
a. Where did death originate?
i. Genesis 2:16, 17: 16And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.”
ii. It originated because of the Fall in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve and their disobedience to God. It was not part of God’s original plan – man chose it when he sinned.
b. Discuss why there is illness in this world.
i. Because there is evil in the world.
ii. We live in a fallen society affected by sin.
iii. Because people use and abuse their own bodies and there are natural consequences.
c. Discuss the promises of God when it comes to meeting death.
i. Psalms reveals to us many promises as it relates to death and the faithfulness of the Lord.
ii. Psalm 23: A PSALM OF DAVID.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
iii. He will never leave us nor forsake us.
d. Help them understand faith and hope in this trying time.
i. Faith tells us to trust God – believe that God is who He says He is and He will do what He says He will do.
ii. Hope is having a belief that there is something far better than what I am experiencing right now!
e. Help decide how they should deal with their time that is left.
i. They need to deal with life and with their death.
f. Discuss what happens after you die.
i. Share Scriptures insights into this crossing over.
g. Note there may be resistance to spiritual talk about death but use the opportunity to discuss it.
i. Do not ignore it instead face it with the help from the Lord.
ii. Jesus faced His death in the Garden of Gethsemane and set an example for us to follow.
iii. Encourage them to go to God and wrestle it through with Him.
T.S. – As we discuss and bring spiritual issues to the forefront then we can progress with the practical steps toward helping someone face death in a God honoring way.
III. Practical steps to walk a person through from the initial diagnosis of death to the funeral and their homecoming to Jesus.
a. Explore the medical options
i. Positive and negative
b. Pray for wisdom from God in what to do
i. Support the person’s decision and assist them.
c. Help them deal with their emotional ups and downs.
i. Let them know that it is okay to grieve.
d. Help them to assess their relationships with those around them.
i. Is their unfinished business that needs to be dealt with?
ii. Do they need to reconcile with someone?
1. Do they need to forgive someone?
iii. They need to give words of insight to their family members?
1. De Vries and Smeenge state, “They need to say good-bye to a loved one!”
a. Intentionally say it “Good Bye!”
2. They need to offer final words of blessing to their families:
a. This was a common Old Testament practice:
b. Example: Genesis 27:2-4: 2Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. 3Now then, get your weapons—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.”
c. Example: Genesis 48: 1-2; 8, 9: 1Some time later Joseph was told, “Your father is ill.” So he took his two sons Manasseh and Ephraim along with him. 2When Jacob was told, “Your son Joseph has come to you,” Israel rallied his strength and sat up on the bed…8When Israel saw the sons of Joseph, he asked, “Who are these?” 9“They are the sons God has given me here,” Joseph said to his father. Then Israel said, “Bring them to me so I may bless them.”
iv. They need to communicate how they want to die a good death.
1. How much life support?
2. How much pain?
3. Organ donation?
4. What types of treatment are honored?
e. Assist them in dealing with those important legal matters.
i. Do not ignore the work that has to be done!
ii. This is not unbelief but wisdom in action.
f. Plan the funeral with them:
i. What would they like to see at their funeral?
ii. De Vries and Smeenge state, “Something is better than nothing” and “Quick is not the best way to go.”
iii. Understand that your input into the funeral will help people start the healing process of recovery of your loss.
1. You can die and help facilitate your loved ones healing.
iv. What types of songs would you like to have sung?
1. Be specific!
v. What are your favorite Bible verses?
1. Let them know what they are!
vi. Write a letter to those in attendance;
1. Your regrets
2. Your successes
3. Challenge your friends and relatives in your letter to find true meaning in life.
4. In essence preach your sermon – your benediction to your life.
a. Use texts like:
i. Proverbs 11:4: “Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death.”
ii. Proverbs 10:2: “Ill-gotten treasures are of no value, but righteousness delivers from death.”
iii. Proverbs 14:32: “When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge.”
5. Give the Lord glory and remind them where you are at this time!
6. Give them permission to rejoice with you!
7. Give them permission to laugh and to cry all at the same time!
vii. What pictures would you like displayed?
viii. Who do you want to be involved?
g. Help them decide and discuss what their wishes are at their death.
i. Where they want to be buried?
1. Genesis 47:28-30: 28Jacob lived in Egypt seventeen years, and the years of his life were a hundred and forty-seven. 29When the time drew near for Israel to die, he called for his son Joseph and said to him, “If I have found favor in your eyes, put your hand under my thigh and promise that you will show me kindness and faithfulness. Do not bury me in Egypt, 30but when I rest with my fathers, carry me out of Egypt and bury me where they are buried.” “I will do as you say,” he said.
ii. How much money should be spent?
iii. Do they want to be cremated?
h. Help them to come to a place of peace with life and with death.
i. Help their faith grow toward the truth of a “Better place beyond!”
Conclusion:
Movie Illustration: Jeremy Camp song “I still believe!”
He wrote this song after his wife died of Cancer. Listen to what he learned through this whole grief and recovery process. What’s his main message “I lost my wife and I don’t have the answers but I still believe!”
Today we journeyed in the shadow of death. The journey is a very difficult one because there is so much mystery wrapped up in it. There are feelings of grief, loss, pain and anguish in this journey. But even in this shadowy dark journey is God and His Word tells us that we do not have to fear it if we are saved. Why? Because Jesus overcame it and so shall all those who follow in his foot steps. The key is to just believe and trust that the Lord will help us all pass through this inevitable journey from life to everlasting life.
De Vries states, “But just as a new day dawns following the darkness of midnight, so Christians believe that our pilgrimage ends in the eternal light of the new heaven and the new earth ruled by Christ, the lion of the tribe of Judah (Rev. 5:5).
C.S. Lewis captured this image in his book The Chronicles of Narnia and it was made so relevant in the movie that is now out. The story follows the journey’s of 4 children who venture out in a newly discovered world. The hero of the movie is Aslan, a mighty Lion. Aslan chooses to surrender his life to save one of the children’s life and he allows himself to be put to death so that he could redeem and pay the price for this young persons sin of betrayal. The scene in the movie parallels what Christ has done for each and every one of us. But here is the great and climatic part of the movie Aslan is raised from the dead as Christ was and in that act they destroy the power of the evil one over their domain. This scene in the movie just stirred my heart as the Lion defeats the evil one.
De Vries notes, “The final book of the series ends on the same theme that Scripture ends. Lewis writes:
For us this is the end of all the stories…But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world…had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read, which goes on forever and in which every chapter is better than the one before” (263).
Hear also these words of comfort and remember when you are at the door of death recall these words from Isaiah 60:19, 20:
19The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine
on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.
20Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be
your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.
At your death here on earth is the new adventure and a new chapter in your life called
“The Great Story of Eternal Life!”
