#3 PUTTING OUT FIRES: POLISHING OUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS!
By Wade Martin Hughes, Sr. Kyfingers@aol.com
I will email this in three parts, but the lesson being taught is a multiple part series.
Introduction:
Today we have many problems that come from a lack of wisdom and poor communication skills. We need to polish our communication skills and learn to put out fires and emotions by good conversation and communication.
James warns us the tongue is full of deadly poison.
James again warns that the tongue can ignite many fires that bring great destruction.
Let us look at some literary tools and devices both good and bad and let us come to the Father justified by our words.
A word can be very powerful. Your words can launch you to new heights.
Your words can become a trap and a snare.
Few ever learn the power of a word.
Words are tools. Words can aid us to accomplish God’s works, or we can hinder God’s work by poor word usage.
Your brain should be in gear before you ever open your mouth.
Words can never be recalled. A word is a shadow of a deed!
A word spoken in due season, how good it is!
But what about an ill word at an ill season?
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Matthew 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
27 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
XXI. LIE NOT ONE TO ANOTHER, TO DEAL FALSELY IS A POOR
COMMUNICATION SKILL! WHAT IS TRUTH? WHAT IS A LIE?
A. To lie to another kills the trust factor.
Leviticus 19:11 Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.
Colossians 3:9 Lie not one to another seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds.
B. LIE:
***To make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
***To create a false or misleading impression
***Dishonesty, fib *** To mislead
***Unreliable statements of fact or intention
***An inaccurate statement
***To tell a falsehood
C. WHAT IS A LIAR? CHRONIC BEHAVIOR?
One that persistently and chronically lies and mishandles the truth.
To habitually tell falsehoods will bring much pain.
E. Do we try to speak what we think others want to hear?
F. COMMUNICATION CAN NOT GROW ON THE SHAKY FOUNDATION OF DISHONESTY AND LIES.
G. YOU CAN NEVER BUILD A GOOD FRIENDSHIP BASED ON LYING, COVERING UP, AND HIDING BEHAVIORS.
H. Do you lie or tell half truths and white lies?
One lie calls for another lie.
I. IN COURT CASES THE BAILIFF WILL ASK THE WITNESS
TO ANSWER THREE QUESTIONS.
1. Will you tell the truth?
2. Will you tell the whole truth?
3. Will you tell nothing but the truth?
J. Many people would never tell a lie, but they will play games in half-truths.
What is the difference in a lie and a white lie?
K. Communication must be honest!
We must speak free from fraud or deception!
Be genuine and real.
L. THERE MUST BE RAPPORT AND HARMONY OF HONESTY AND INTEGRITY!
A Christian must communicate in integrity!
We have to firmly adhere to a Godly code of moral values as a standard in our speech and actions.
M. Our words must be morally excellenct and not fudging the facts to make self look good.
N. Can we have confidence in each others words, honest words?
O. TO LIE IS SIN!
Quit lying and deception in any form!
You cannot help a liar! You must tell the truth.
WE NEED FORGIVENESS!
P. ARE YOU A PERSON OF YOUR WORD?
Can others count on you?
Will you pay your bills?
CAN OTHERS HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR WORDS?
XXII. WE MUST LEARN TO AVOID THE BLAME GAME IN OUR
COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS THAT WE DEVELOP.
A. All humans have tendencies.
A few of those tendencies are palliation and blame.
B. To palliate is to cover our mistakes by excuses and apologies, and then not correct the problem. We try to make our words seem not as bad as others.
C. Then we tend to want to blame others for what we have done.
We like to pass the responsibility to someone else for our actions.
D. In fear Adam hid from God.
God said, ADAM WHERE ARE YOU?
Adam then smacks God with the blame game.
Genesis 3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
13 And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
E. In conversations where we tend to pass the buck and blame, we find no real repentance, because it was not my fault?
F. Let us develop communication skills that promote discipline and correction!
Let us practice self evaluation of our communication skills.
XXIII. COMMUNICATION THAT OFFERS EXPRESSION AND ACTIONS THAT COMPLAIN, MURMUR, AND FIND FAULT ARE DARK PESSIMISM. WE ESTABLISH BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS!
A. We walk through the trail of life in one of two attitudes.
We either see the best in people, or we are doomest and walk in despair.
B. We make a choice to laugh a lot or we can choose to cry about everything.
C. The children of Israel seemed to be always complaining.
They would murmur and find fault in every situation.
They expressed God brought us out in the desert to kill us.
We are going to starve to death?
We are going to die because we have no water?
We are tired of this manna? We want meat?
We don’t like Moses telling us what to do?
Why is Aaron any better then we are?
The people were habitually finding fault, complaining, and murmuring.
D. PESSIMISM:
*** an attitude devoid of hope ***hopeless, doom, and despair
***an inclination to emphasize adverse possibilities
***to expect the worse
***believing that bad and evil will occur more than good and happiness
E. OPTIMISM:
***an attitude full of hope
***the thought that this world is good and positive.
***Inclined to put the most favorable construction upon actions
***to anticipate the best possible outcome
F. DO YOU HAVE AN OPTIMISTIC ATTITUDE OR DO YOU WALK IN PESSIMISM?
WHY WOULD ANYONE DEVELOP A NEGATIVE, BAD ATTITUDE SYSTEM?
XXIV. ANOTHER POOR COMMUNICATION TOOL IS INTERRUPTION AND ALWAYS BUTT IN!
A. Two ears, one mouth, learn to listen!
B. We can grow the attitude that I will do all the talking, and you will do all the listening. Just because you speak many words does not mean you will be heard.
C. We can stop the flow of good conversation by stopping or hindering or breaking in to the trend of thought.
D. To speak while another is speaking is not proper manners.
Allow the person to speak their thought through to completion.
E. The greatest act of love is not a kiss!
Listening is the greatest act of love.
F. If you would learn to listen and not interrupt, you will gain understanding for those that you love!
XXV. THE GIFT OF EXAGGERATION HAS IGNITED MANY FIRES!
A. What is the difference in a mountain and a molehill?
A simple answer is --- How much dirt there is?
B. Moses hand picked 12 men to go over and search out the Promise Land. The report was it was truly a land of milk and honey, BUT THERE WERE GIANTS.
C. The gift of exaggeration in communication will hinder God’s plan.
They saw the giants? History records that there was less than 5% giants in the total population.
E. The focus was not on God’s promise, the focus was not on what we can do? The focus became the giants!
F. Then the people saw they were grasshoppers in their own eyes.
G. What is a giant in God’s eyes?
H. Hyperbole
***extravagant exaggeration ( a mile high ice cream cone) stretching the truth ***over statement of a case
J. Does an eagle look at the mountain the same way and ant does?
Are we looking at these problems FROM HEAVEN’S POINT OF VIEW?
Can we see in the light of eternity?
XXVI. WE WANT TO WEAR A MASK TO HIDE OUR IMPERFECTIONS!
COMMUNICATION MUST OFFER SELF DISCLOSURE.
A. Today many have scars and pain from the past.
B. Many want to wear a mask of perfection and try to be someone they are not.
We might call this "KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES?"
People accept massive debt loads trying to be someone else?
C. Can you laugh at yourself? Do you take everything seriously?
We are afraid that others will be like us?
D. We want others to think we are perfect so we become actors.
Your experience could help others face their difficult time.
E. Don’t brag over the past mistakes and make them sound good, but be honest and don’t pretend you never made any mistakes.
F. Don’t be like me.
You worry your kids will be like you so you pretend and act like you were perfect.
G. You don’t have to dig up skeletons, but you are human, humans fail.
H. DON’T PRETEND PERFECTION!
DON’T PUT WINGS ON YOURSELF OR OTHERS!
I. Some of you have really good kids, but you try to live through you kid’s life, substitute you for them.
K. MAKE SURE YOUR LOVE IS EXPRESSED CLEARLY!
L. LAUGH A LITTLE! LAUGH A LOT!
XXVII. GOOD CONVERSATION LEARNS HOW TO TELL TIME
A. We must learn to allow time to speak and to listen to each other.
Give a day to the other person just to listen to their heart.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.
B. I think traveling time can be a good conversation time, turn the radio off, sing, and talk.
C. Deep, hard conversations should not be discussed at meal time?
Some things should not be discussed at bed time?
D. Healing comes in families when we communicate freely.
E. Don’t argue and fuss when the kids can hear you.
You can breed great fear in kids hearts when you
are yelling and discussing separation and divorce, and this leaves scars.
XXVIII. GOOD CONVERSATION IS CONDUCIVE AND PROMOTES
GROWTH AND A COMING TOGETHER!
I Peter 2:2 As new born babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.
II Peter 3:18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
A. Do you take time to hear what the other person said?
B. Is our conversation like a flash flood?
C. Do you discuss what needs to be discussed? Are you afraid to listen?
E. Have you ever seen plants that were fertilized as compared to plants growing in poor soil? The difference is visible.
G. Don’t talk when you are frustrated and then release all your negative behavior patterns.
H. Conversations can be attacking and then we will never listen.
While he is unloading, she is loading, not listening, she is preparing to do battle.
He does not listen, he is fuming.
I. What did they say? What did they mean? Do we understand each other?
XXIX. THE FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER.
DOES YOUR FAMILY EVER KNEEL TOGETHER?
A. It is wonderful to have a dialogue with a friend.
But there is much more than a family talking to a family?
Or a friend talking with a friend?
B. There is nothing like when we come together and have conversation with the Holy God of this universe.
C. Talking with God can sometimes do more to bring growth and change than anything we can do.
D. Praying until the Holy Spirit comes and helps us deal with our tongues and the fire it ignited.
If we do not pray, we instead of putting out the fire, we ignited another fire.
E. What is more beautiful than a family gathered together on their knees at church and at home. The family being thankful together for God’s warm blessings.
Praying as tears go rolling down the face, asking God to do what we cannot do.
Praying together teaches a wonderful time of heavenly communion.
F. Have you ever had communion at home?
Have you ever had a foot washing at home and explained what it meant?
Can we ever develop good communication skills and leave out the Father?
XXX. GOD TEACH US TO CONTROL OUR TONGUE AND PUT OUT FIRES.
Matthew 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
27 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
LEARN TO BE A GOOD LISTENER! PRACTICE GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS!
By Wade Martin Hughes, Sr. Kyfingers@aol.com
Could you join my team and pass this on to another?
Words are tools. Words can aid us to accomplish God’s works, or we can hinder God’s work by poor word usage.
Your brain should be in gear before you ever open your mouth.
Words can never be recalled. A word is a shadow of a deed!
A word spoken in due season, how good it is!
But what about an ill word at an ill season?
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue:
and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Matthew 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall
speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
27 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt
be condemned.
