#2 PUTTING OUT FIRES: POLISHING OUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS!
By Wade Martin Hughes, Sr. Kyfingers@aol.com
I will email this in four parts, but the lesson being taught is a multiple part series.
Introduction:
Today we have many problems that come from a lack of wisdom and poor communication skills. We need to polish our communication skills and learn
to put out fires and emotions by good conversation and communication.
James warns us the tongue is full of deadly poison.
James again warns that the tongue can ignite many fires that bring great destruction.
Let us look at some literary tools and devices both good and bad and let us come to the Father justified by our words.
A word can be very powerful. Your words can launch you to new heights.
Your words can become a trap and a snare.
Few ever learn the power of a word.
Words are tools. Words can aid us to accomplish God’s works, or we can hinder God’s work by poor word usage.
Your brain should be in gear before you ever open your mouth.
Words can never be recalled. A word is a shadow of a deed!
A word spoken in due season, how good it is!
But what about an ill word at an ill season?
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Matthew 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
27 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
XII. BASIC LITERARY TOOLS: REPETITION:
A. When we speak and we want to make sure that every one hears what was said, we use the literary tool of repetition.
B. If we want to learn something, we use the power of recital over and over to reinforce our knowledge.
C. How many times did God say to Abraham FEAR NOT?
God repeatedly told Moses and then Joshua: FEAR NOT!
All through the New Testament God says to His people, BE NOT AFRAID.
D. This is not a forgetful speaker addressing the same issues over and over, this is a literary tool of statement and restatement to emphasize an important
point!
XIII. WORDS THAT GENDER STRIFE?
ARE WE INVESTING TOO MUCH IN THE UNPROFITABLE!
A. I will discuss at great lengths where people are open and learning and applying the words, but when people desire to argue and debate trouble is coming. ARGUMENTS BREED STRIFE!
Job 6:25 How forceable are right words! But what doth your arguing words reprove?
B. Years ago I was traveling with a very smart preacher for many miles.
He said, let us debate "Jesus only!"
I said I don’t believe that and you don’t believe that!
He said, I know we don’t believe that doctrine, but lets a debate the issues.
I refused.
C. Once I was working with someone.
They made a very derogatory statement about someone and their belief in the Holy Spirit. I knew the man did not believe as I did, he also knew very well what I believed.
He wanted me to debate the issue based on this other person.
I said: I know what you believe, you know what I believe, I will not say any thing bad about this other person, lets be brothers and let us talk on those things on which we agree?
D. When I was teaching school, I often stopped at a little country store and visited with my neighbors. Most of them were good Christians and they accepted
the doctrine of once in grace always in grace.
They knew I did not believe that doctrine to the same degree that they did.
One man said, What do you think about once in grace always in grace?
I said you know what I believe, and I am going home.
Later that night a neighbor came to my door, my wife answered.
Our friend wanted to talk?
She was crying and she said she came to apologize.
I asked "for what?"
She said the people had plotted all day about how to argue and debate what they thought about once in grace always in grace, and prove me wrong, and when I would not engage in the discussion which would have turned into an argument with them, they felt really bad.
I thanked my neighbor for the honesty, and we agreed to disagree, but to focus on the things in which we agree.
E. Look at the bad company DEBATE COMES WITH?
Romans 1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, DEBATE, DECEIT, malignity;
II Timothy 2:23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strife.
Titus 3:9 BUT AVOID FOOLISH QUESTIONS, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.
F. Many know several times a week I play music in the resthomes in our area.
We have the best time, we laugh, we cry and the people have become like our family.
There is one dear lady from a different religious group, that wants to argue and debate OVER THE ROLE OF WORSHIP IN WORSHIP?
She asked me one week: Are you going to play that good old gospel music?
I raised my shoulders back, and in great pride, I answered, YES, MA’AM, WE ARE GOING TO PLAY MUSIC AND SING.
She verbally attacked me, she sent me to hell, playing the guitar was a great sin.
She told me off! I was very bad because I played gospel music.
She didn’t know why, but she had been taught that all her life?
Now, she has the right to believe as she chooses, but many others enjoy and find this time as a high light of their week.
Will we let one lady stop us ministering to the group?
G. Some groups and individuals have razor sharp tongues and know how to cut everybody into small pieces.
H. SO YOU WON THE DEBATE OR THE ARGUMENT AND LOST A FRIEND? WHAT DID YOU WIN?
XIV. INTIMIDATION AND BULLYING COMMUNICATION SKILLS ARE SELDOM SUCCESSFUL! LOVE OFFERS SOFT, KIND WORDS.
CHECK OUT YOUR DECIMAL LEVEL!
A. Some people get violently sick after they are made to eat their words.
B. Just because you can scream, yell, and use a harsh voice does not mean you will be heard. Intimidation and manipulation often follow close behind loud voices.
C. Intimidation:
***to frighten into submission
*** to make timid or fearful ***frighten
***to compel or deter by threats
***TO ELEVATE YOURSELF BY PUTTING OTHERS DOWN
E. Communication is far beyond the words you say, but how you say the words, when you say the words, the way you look when you say the words come into
play.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
F. There is a snow ball effect.
You can begin a good discussion and start raising the decimal level of your voice.
There is a direct correlation between your voice volume level and your blood pressure.
The louder you raise your voice, the higher your blood pressure goes, and the louder your voice gets.
G. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE LOUDEST VOICE DOES NOT NECESSARILY MAKE YOU RIGHT.
H. Discipline your self to keep your voice in a soft, low, pleasant volume and tone.
XV. SEEMS WE LOVE SARCASM, SARCASM IS A MEAN LANGUAGE TOOL!
A. Real friends will not say cutting, low blow remarks.
B. Friends will defend each other and think the best!
C. Sarcasm:
***To insult others and act like it is funny
***to make humorous but wounding remarks ***mockery
***sharp, cutting words to inflict pain.
***words that can cause bitter caustic effects
***to use language to tear and bite
Galatians 5:15 But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
D. I once heard a story about hell.
Seems every body in hell had a feast before them.
They all had a big spoon in their hand but they could not bend their elbows.
So the people in hell were starving to death, they could not get their food to their
mouth. They were cursing the people sitting next to them.
The same person saw in heaven, there was plenty of food on the table, the spoons were in their hands, their elbows would not bend. But in heaven everyone was full.
See, it seems in heaven each man would feed his neighbor, his neighbor would feed him.
Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sin.
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
E. We owe each other respect and loving words of endearment.
F. Man’s best friend is his dog!
A dog wags his tail not his tongue.
XVI. TO BELITTLE ANOTHER IS TO BE LITTLE.
SOME PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE GOD CALLED HEAD SHRINKERS!
Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;
Romans 14:19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and the things wherewith one may edify another.
I Thessalonians 5:11 Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.
XVII. FILTHY, DIRTY LANGUAGE IS A MARK OF THE HEATHEN
AND UNEDUCATED.
A. I can express my thoughts and feelings very well without ever saying a bad word.
B. Did you see the Mayor of New Orleans say God’s name in vain and several other bad words on national TV, and not say he was sorry?
Colossians 3:8 But now put off all these, anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, FILTHY COMMUNICATION OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
C. I used to listen to dirty jokes and laugh very hard.
Once I heard a dirty joke, I had to tell someone else.
Of course, I knew who to tell the dirty jokes to and who not to tell?
One day the Holy Spirit convicted me, this was not pleasing to Jesus.
D. Foul mouths often go unrepented.
I have even heard a few preachers say, say a bad word when you are mad, it will help you vent. This is not Biblical.
E. Never say anything that would bring a reproach on the cross.
F. There are many four letter foul words what should never cross your lips!
XVIII. THERE ARE TWO SILENT TREATMENTS, ONE IS POSITIVE AND THE OTHER IS NEGATIVE, CONTROLLING AND MANIPULATIVE. AVOID FROZEN COMMUNICATION LINES?
I Thessalonians 4:11 And that you study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands.
I Timothy 2:2 --- That we may lead a quiet and peacable life in all godliness and honesty.
A. EVEN A FOOL IS CONSIDERED WISE IF HE WILL KEEP HIS MOUTH CLOSED?
B. I will get even with the other person, I WILL NOT TALK TO THEM.
C. SOMETIMES ANSWERING AT THE PRESENT TIME WILL ONLY
CAUSE A PROBLEM --- at those times silence is golden.
Practice to be quiet.
D. BAD SILENCE SAYS: YOU AND WHAT YOU SAY IS NOT IMPORTANT
TO ME!
E. I DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU!
MY MIND IS ALREADY CLOSED.
F. I AM SUPERIOR AND YOU ARE INFERIOR TO ME.
G. To keep quiet to punish the other person you are immature!
H. It is a foolish, childish, dangerous game to refuse to listen to others.
I. WE MUST TALK. WE MUST LISTEN, AND DO OUR BEST TO
COMMUNICATE WITH THOSE THAT WE LOVE!
XIX. WHISPERING IS BAD COMMUNICATION ETHICS!
A. Remember Hee Haw: They said: we do not repeat gossip so you better listen closely the first time.
Romans 1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, DEBATE, DECEIT,
malignity; WHISPHERS, 30 Backbiters, haters of God...
II Corinthians 12:20 --- Lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults:
B. Whisper:
*** to speak sofly so not to be heard *** to tell rumors *** to utter or communicate behind others back
C. Even the world’s etiquette system will teach that whispering around others is not polite and should not be practiced.
XX. NAGGING WILL NEVER BUILD BETTER PEOPLE, FAMILIES OR CHURCHES!
A. Do you know what nagging is? NAG, NAGGING ---
B. What is a nag?
Webster says: a nag is one that is old or in poor condition!
C. NAG:
*** to find fault incessantly; complain ***to badger ***to worry
***to be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction
***to irritate by constant scolding or urging
D. To nag suggest a habitual behavior reinforced by repeated behavior.
E. Nitpicker, faultfinder, fusspot!
F. Did you hear about the two lines at the Eastern Gate?
One line of men was 12 miles long, it said, Henpecked Husbands!
The other line only had one man in it, It said UNHENPECKED HUSBANDS!
One of the men about a half mile back, yelled at the man
in the Unhenpecked line: WHAT YOU DOING OVER THERE?
He quietly replied?
I don’t know my wife told me to wait over here!
G. Nagging is a chief cause of marriage problems.
Nagging never pulls people together, nagging pushes people apart.
H. Nagging is never constructive but destructive.
Nagging is a result of a negative attitude.
I. When a person is constantly on the case of other people they are mean.
J. Nagging and argumentative spirits are bad.
K. Try sitting down at the table with a person that nags, see how well you will get the food digested?
Acid indigestion and upset stomachs can come from gripping, complaining, and nagging from the attitude and temperament they have while they are eating!
By Wade Martin Hughes, Sr. Kyfingers@aol.com
Help me, pass it on. This is part two of a three part series.
