Relationships - they are among the most important things we have as humans. Studies have shown that if newborn babies are not touched - if they don’t have some sort of a relationship with another human - they will literally die. Our need for relationships never stops.
A recent study among seriously mentally ill people found that the top three barriers to a good quality of life were personal achievement, lack of a job, and difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships.
Among the family of God relationships are vitally important as well - yet for some reason we Christians have a hard time getting along together as well. We suffer so many broken relationships - and so much hurt and sorrow.
This can come from at least three different causes:
1. We disappoint each other
2. We disagree with each other
3. We disassociate with others because of our own personal hurts.
Philemon is a book about restoring broken relationships. It’s also a book about breaking down barriers.
Think for a moment what makes you different from the person sitting around you. Male/female, old/young, management/labor, blue collar/white collar, young in the Lord/mature, cool/not cool.
Whether we realize it or not, we make these kinds of comparisons automatically. We tend to rank ourselves against others - their position in society, how they dress or talk or look. Sometimes these differences become barriers between people - "I’m a boss and you are just a worker" or "I live in a fancy house and you live in a single-wide" or "I can’t really associate with you because you dress way different from me and I’m much cooler than you."
At times, the barriers we create can keep us from mirroring the character of the Lord - a person, by the way, that lowered Himself infinitely to take on our form - to become like us. This little letter addresses the idea of barriers - and how to address them in the body of Christ. The example is a real life situation - a slave, Onesimus, had run away from his master - a man by the name of Philemon. The slave came to Rome and got saved under the Apostle Paul. Paul then told Onesimus to do the right thing and go back - but he sent with him a letter - packed with hints and downright demands that the master act like Jesus - instead of how his culture modeled. And it is a good model for us when it comes to relationships with members of the body of Christ.
Background: Written about 60AD (same time as Colossians and Ephesians). Philemon was a leader in the church - a church which met at this house. Onesimus could have been beaten, jailed, or even killed for running away.
Slavery was taken for granted in the first century -- 85 to 90 percent of the inhabitants of Italy were slaves. Usually those with financial means would own slaves. Under Roman law, a slave could expect to be set free in seven years. How slave owners treated their slaves could vary greatly, depending on the temperament of the owner and the performance of the slave. Owners could inflict cruel punishments upon slaves, considered as their property, usually by whipping or beating with a stick. Like thieves, runaway slaves were branded on the forehead. Others were imprisoned. Many slaves died from mistreatment or imprisonment, but it was illegal to take the life of a slave without a court order. Philemon had the power; Onesimus was powerless.
(from The Life Application Commentary Series copyright (C) 1997, 1998, 1999 and 2000 by the Livingstone Corporation. Produced with permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.)
Onesimus was a runaway slave and a thief. He met Paul while the Apostle was imprisoned in a rented house (his 1st imprisonment in Rome). Onesimus became a believer.
1 Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our dear friend and fellow worker, 2 to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier and to the church that meets in your home:
3 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
4 I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, 5 because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. 6 I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. 7 Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.
(4-5) Paul is very strategic, even in his greeting. Notice that he thanks God because of his faith (he believes in the teachings of Jesus) and his love for all the saints. This will become very key as he delves into the matter of asking that Philemon accept Onesimus back without retribution.
Jesus called Himself a slave (Mark 9:35), and associated with Samaritans, the crippled, the poor, thieves, Gentiles, hypocrites and sinners. To say you have faith in Jesus means you aspire to be like Him.
Then Paul talks about Philemon’s love for all the saints - not just the ones of his class. He will be asking Philemon to extend that love to someone that he personally has a beef against. Its one thing to show love to others, but when someone has personally done you wrong - that is quite another.
Still, Jesus said "love you enemies." (Matt 5:44) and:
Matthew 5:46-48 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
(6) Next he encourages Philemon to be active in sharing his faith. I can’t think of anything that will enliven your faith more than sharing the gospel. Recently we’ve had the opportunity to go to downtown Portland on Sunday evenings with some of our sister Calvary Chapels and preach the gospel to the homeless. These are the same people you avoid at the street corners - hard folks, dirty folks, some of which just talk to the air.
All we’re doing is worshipping the Lord, sharing a short message then handing out food - with some tracts inside, and talking. And some are coming to Christ. But I tell you - it is stretching and it gives you an idea of what serving Christ is really all about - reaching out to the lost.
So as Philemon is active in sharing his faith perhaps he’ll have a different light on things than just rubbing elbows with his friends down at the country club.
(7) And then in verse 7 Paul talks about the character of Philemon - a man of love, encouragement, and refreshment. He’ll need to keep those qualities in mind when Paul tells him what he wants him to do. We need to make sure we keep the joy and love of the Lord even when faced with situations that make us uncomfortable.
Next Paul gets right to the point of his short letter:
8 Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, 9 yet I appeal to you on the basis of love. I then, as Paul - an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus - 10 I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. 11 Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me.
(8) Philemon was used to ordering others around. He would understand that role and the position of the Apostle Paul as his spiritual father. But Paul is not laying down the law he is laying the foundation of love.
(9) Paul wants the love of Christ to be the motivator here, not legalism. Often we do things or don’t do things because we "have to." But when we are filled with Jesus’ love we often go far beyond - walking the extra mile or turning the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-42).
(10) I wonder if Philemon did a double take when he read the name: Onesimus. "So that’s where that runaway ended up - I’ve got an APB out for him." There’s a real word play here - Paul "in chains" and "a prisoner" yet Philemon’s superior - like Paul is saying "I am above you but think of me as the lowest and an example of how you should treat Onesimus."
He tells Philemon not that Onesimus has become a believer but that he has become Paul’s son in the faith.
(11) There is a play on words in verse 11 as well. Onesimus means "useful" - a common slave name. In the flesh, Onesimus hadn’t lived up to his name - but now that he is a "new" creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) he has the chance to become useful.
Notice that Paul didn’t ask Philemon to free Onesimus - even though Paul in 2 Corinthians 7:22 said that slaves were the Lord’s freedman. Paul didn’t support or oppose slavery - that wasn’t his job here. Paul was restoring relationships.
He also reminds Philemon that Onesimus is now a part of a larger family - the family of God - and as such has a use that goes beyond just serving his earthly master.
So now Paul begins to tighten the screws on Philemon - adding some more weight to his request:
12 I am sending him - who is my very heart - back to you. 13 I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. 14 But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced. 15 Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good- 16 no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.
(12-13) How would you treat someone sent back by the Apostle Paul? "Surely you would have come to help me in prison - wouldn’t you, Philemon?" Paul asks.
And certainly no one would want to be accused of hurting Paul’s heart!
(14) So Paul suggests a spontaneous favor - hmmm. "Umm, hey, why don’t you send Onesimus back to me," says Philemon. "What a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that," says Paul.
(15-16) God does indeed cause all things to work together for the good (Romans 8:28). Onesimus sinned - by stealing and running away. But God worked it to his good for salvation - and for Philemon’s good by giving him an even better servant and a brother in return.
Two things had to happen here for Onesimus to return - Onesimus himself must agree to return to service with Philemon and Philemon must accept Onesimus back willingly.
So then the final part of the appeal:
17 So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. 18 If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. 19 I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back - not to mention that you owe me your very self. 20 I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ. 21 Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask.
If all that preceded wasn’t enough - he wants Philemon to accept Onesimus as if it was Paul - and oh, the money he took - just charge that to me.
And, by the way - remember how I told you about eternal life in Christ? Just how valuable is that to you? Oh, now you are forgiving Onesimus’ debt? - Good answer, Philemon!
22 And one thing more: Prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to your prayers.
So finally Paul says that just to make sure what I’m asking has been done - I’m going to come on a visit to see how your new relationship is going.
23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings. 24 And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.
25 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Conclusions
Are you a barrier maker or a barrier breaker?
It’s bad enough when we place ourselves over or under someone else in the world - but do we sometimes do that in the body of Christ? Even pastors do that - finding out how many people come on Sunday morning to ascertain the pecking order. You can even put yourself above others by how much you serve! Don’t do it - be a barrier breaker.
The rules of the Lord are not the same as the rules in the world when it comes to position and how we treat each other.
Jesus said it best - "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, the servant of all." (Mark 9:35).
Paul said to the Philippians (2:3) "consider others better than yourselves." In the new English Standard Version that word is translated "significant." Are you self centered - "I have a right!" or other centered "your needs are more significant than mine - I am here to serve you no matter my position."
Do you run from problems or face them?
Onesimus was definitely wrong in running. But I also wonder - why hadn’t Philemon shared the gospel with his servants? Here the Apostle Paul is trying to repair broken relationships. Sometimes when relationships get broken we think it is impossible to fix so we practice avoidance.
In Matthew 18 Jesus told those who had been hurt to approach the person who caused the hurt to try to repair the relationship. Don’t be an avoider - pray, yes, be humble, even if you are the victim, but try to work things out, rather than let them fester into a "root of bitterness" (Hebrews 12:15).
How are you at reconciliation?
This is a corollary to the last point. When someone approaches you and wants to reconcile and is truly repentant - do you hold it over them? Sometimes we want to extract our pound of flesh and let them suffer for a while - to punish them for what they’ve done. Don’t be like that - was God that way to you?
Jesus said: Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
That isn’t to say that all relationships should be reconciled - but with honest repentance, and if it’s possible, let it happen!
Do you allow separations (like race, socioeconomics, etc) to get between you and your fellow believers?
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Let’s be a family that values the gospel, forgiveness and reconciliation, and equality among the brethren!
Keys to restoring relationships among Christians
1. Being in the Lord really does make a difference
2. Is it really just your problem?
3. God may be more troubled about the broken relationship than in the issue that broke it.
4. Forgiveness isn’t the same as restoration - some relationships will not be restored - but all should be forgiven. It really takes both sides to have restoration.
5. You are part of a larger picture with a larger plan - are you doing everything you can to further God’s plan - even restoring relationships you have broken?
6. Do you have a servant’s heart?
