Lose the weight of unforgiveness
Purpose: To illustrate the destructive nature of unforgiveness and to give opportunity to forgive.
1. This month we’re trying to lose the weight. Hebrews 12:1, "Let us throw off everything that hinders."
2. (I started this message with a personal story of friends of ours who went through a divorce. The divorced couple stayed in the same church. They shared custody of two children. The husband’s parents were so bound in unforgiveness, that when challenged by the pastor, the divorced man’s mother said, "You don’t know what she did. If it sends me to Hell, I’ll never forgive her." This illustration was a personal one. I would suggest you start this message with a personal illustration of unforgiveness.
3. Let’s look this morning at "Losing the weight of unforgiveness."
4. Matthew 18:21-35.
1. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget.
· "Forgive and forget" just rolls off the tongue and we feel that if we truly forgive someone that we have to forget the incident.
· Psalm 103:12 "East and west can never meet. This is a symbolic portrait of God’s forgiveness—when he forgives our sin, he separates it from us and doesn’t even remember it. We need never wallow in the past, for God forgives and forgets. We tend to dredge up the ugly past, but God has wiped our record clean. ***If we are to follow God, we must model his forgiveness. When we forgive another, we must also forget the sin. Otherwise, we have not truly forgiven." (Life Application Bible)
· That’s a wonderful thought, but that’s not what the Scripture says. The Scripture says that God remembers our sin no more, therefore doesn’t hold it against us any more. I’ve never seen in the Word that it says that human forgiveness results in our forgetfulness.
· Cut that guilt loose. Our brains don’t blindly forget painful experiences.
2. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’ll trust again easily.
· There is no directive in the Scripture to be gullible. While we can’t bear a grudge, we can certainly learn from past behavior and use the common sense God gave us.
· In this parable, the ruler didn’t stop the forgiven man on the way out of the throne room and say, "By the way, pal, do you need any extra cash." The man had proven that he couldn’t handle money.
· I give Scott Cherry $100 to go pick up pizzas for a big children’s rally and he goes and buys lottery tickets with the money. Can I forgive him? Yes. Will I send somebody else next time to pick up the pizzas? YES!
· Trust is difficult to rebuild. It must be earned, even when there is forgiveness. (A parent giving their teenager a little "leash" with which to prove their trustworthiness. When they prove they can handle the leash they have, they get more. When they prove they can’t handle it, they’re drawn back in a little closer)
3. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re to be a doormat.
· The parable doesn’t end with a final verse that says, “And from that day forward the King gave away his money to anyone who wanted it. Day after day people lined up for cash. He just couldn’t say no. He never demanded repayment and couldn’t have been happier about going completely broke.”
· Jesus commands that we forgive 70 times 7 times. That is possible. But the Word also teaches (Proverbs) to be a people of wisdom. Use your brain.
· Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. We should do that figuratively and literally. But He doesn’t command us to follow the guy asking for more blows.
4. Good Christian people live under the weight of unforgiveness for decades. They feel the weight of it every day spiritually, emotionally and physically. The teaching of Jesus points out that we’ve been forgiven a Mt. Everest-sized life of sin. How are we to hold Mold Hill-sized sins against others?
· "Rich, you’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know what I’ve gone through. You don’t know what this person did to me."
· Maybe. I’ve just told you what forgiveness isn’t.
5. Here are a few things that forgiveness is.
· Forgiveness is hard.
· There are some here this morning that have been hurt deeply. We’re not talking about misunderstandings. We’re not talking about petty family disputes. We’re talking deep, ugly, horrible hurts. "Forgive and forget" just doesn’t cut it.
· So when Christians struggle with forgiveness, there is usually a lot of guilt that comes along with how hard it really is. God said we must forgive because he has forgiven us. It wasn’t easy for God (it cost the blood of Jesus), so why do we assume it should be easy for us?
· Our natural instinct is to exact revenge on the hurt that someone causes us. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit can we forgive.
6. Forgiveness releases us. (Lose the weight)
· We’ve been programmed to believe that forgiveness is for the forgiven. When someone has done wrong to me, my forgiveness will benefit that person. That might be true, but it might not.
· I have a friend who is bound by unforgiveness to several people. She bears grudges and holds on to (distant) past wrongs, spending emotional effort she doesn’t have balled up in unforgiveness.
· What she doesn’t realize is those against whom she bears a grudge against wake up every morning, go to work, live and pursue happiness without a thought as to whether she has extended forgiveness. They’ve either moved on or could care less. They’ve forgotten the incident or forgotten her.
· The true beneficiary of forgiveness is the forgiver. (Corrie Ten Boom illustration below)
7. Forgiveness is commanded
· Forgiveness is not an option. When the King extended forgiveness to the man with great debt, he expected that same mercy to flow through him.
· Col. 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
· When I have wronged my Heavenly Father, He could say, “Rich doesn’t know what he’s done, how serious is his offense. I’ll withhold forgiveness from him until he’s learned his lesson.” Jesus doesn’t do that.
· So if Jesus is so irresponsible with his grace, shouldn’t we do the same? Like in the parable, Jesus has forgiven billion-dollar sin in our lives; each one of us has that kind of mercy at hand at any moment. How does he react when we withhold 10-dollar forgiveness from one who has wronged us?
· Say the Lord’s Prayer with me. "Our Father, which art …" Did you catch that? “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” How do you want God to offer forgiveness to you, with an open hand or with a tight fist?
· Look at Matthew 6:14-15. Following the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus himself says, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
8. Conclusion - I’m not sure who this sermon was for this morning. But I have a feeling that this applies to each one of us on differing levels.
· Sometimes it is the petty offense of a friend or a spouse that we refuse to let go of. Sometimes it is deep wounds from the past that have furrowed into our personalities and form us into angry, spiteful people.
· Whatever it is this morning, perhaps it is time to let go, allow God to lead you into the supernatural realm of forgiveness and allow Him to lighten your load.
· Let God’s forgiveness extended toward you be the motivation for you to forgive others.
Years after her concentration camp experiences in Nazi Germany, Corrie ten Boom met face to face one of the most cruel and heartless German guards that she had ever contacted. He had humiliated and degraded her and her sister. He had jeered and taunted, leering at them as they stood in the delousing shower.
Now he stood before her with hand outstretched and said, "Will you forgive me?" She writes: "I stood there with coldness clutching at my heart, but I know that the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. I prayed, Jesus, help me!
“Woodenly, mechanically I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me and I experienced an incredible thing. The current started in my shoulder, raced down into my arms and sprang into our clutched hands.
“Then this warm reconciliation seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. ’I forgive you, brother,’ I cried with my whole heart. For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard, the former prisoner. I have never known the love of God so intensely as I did in that moment!" To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.
What a story of release and freedom. “Unforgiveness sours your outlook and breaks your back. The load of bitterness is heavy. Your knees will buckle under the strain and your heart will break beneath the weight. The mountain before you is steep enough without the heaviness of hatred and unforgiveness on your back. The wisest choice – the only choice – is for you to drop the load of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness.”
