“What Does the Bible Say About Marriage and Divorce?”
Introduction:
For decades, we have heard of couples that run off to Las Vegas to obtain the equivalent of fast-food marriages. You just walk in, put your money down and they pronounce you man and wife. The results of a rash decision are not usually good results.
I was saddened to hear of a recent article in the “Sacramento Bee” about three wedding chapels in Los Angeles that not only offer quickie marriages, but also are now providing instant divorces.
According to the article, some couples get married one day and divorced the very next! Needless to say, the so-called “wedding chapel” makes its money at ‘both ends’. And, I don’t think that’s something to be proud of.
The topics of marriage and divorce are hot topics in our society. We have heard a lot of talk in our world lately about what constitutes marriage and also we see the divorce is very prominent in our society. It seems that almost everyone is touched somehow by divorce. It is estimated that almost half of all marriages end in divorce and that figure is not any different among Christian people. This morning if you have not been affected by divorce in some way then you are in a minority of people. People today need to know and understand what the Bible says about marriage and divorce. We as Christians need to know what stand to take on marriage and divorce and we need to know how to teach people what God’s Word teaches on these subjects.
Satan does not want man to be happy or the will of God to be fulfilled so He has worked diligently to destroy the institution of marriage, which God established for man.
I hope that out of this message you catch the value of marriage more than anything. I do not know what any person here’s marriage is like. I do not know what goes on inside your home – only you, your spouse and God know those things. I hope though that through this if you are struggling you will not throw up your hands and call it quits. I hope that through this message that we as Christians can seek to have a Biblical view of marriage and divorce. I hope that through this wounds might be healed that may have come as the result of divorce. I hope that if your marriage is in jeopardy this morning that both parties will work diligently to preserve that sacred relationship. Most likely if we are all honest we will all be able to admit that marriage is not always easy and many difficulties may come, but giving up is not the right answer.
Henry Ford was asked at his fiftieth anniversary what his secret was to a long marriage, he said, “the same as in the automobile industry, just stick to one model.” I hope that we can follow that advice. Let us look at what Jesus had to say about marriage and divorce.
Text: Matthew 19:3-9
I. Marriage
Marriage may be the most important institution that God established and also the institution of God that is under the most fire. It seems that in our society marriage is not valued like God intended it to be. In the Bible God makes some things clear about marriage. We learn in the Bible what God’s plan was for marriage.
1. God has an Ideal For Marriage
God’s plan for marriage is for a man and a woman to be in a life-long relationship together. You may remember when God created man, he looked down at his creation and said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That is when God made woman, and as God looked down upon his complete creation he could now say, “it is very good.” The reason it was very good was that we were created to be people of companionship. God is our creator and knows us better than ever we know ourselves. Marriage was a remedy for man’s loneliness. Man in many instances has destroyed the plan for marriage. God’s plan is for man and woman to be together. This has been destroyed by those who would have us believe that marriage can be a relationship between a man and a man or a woman and a woman. This was certainly not the way that God intended things to be. We can see that God disapproved of the sins taking place is the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because they were violating God’s ideal for marriage. We can also see that as Paul says it Romans 1 that the wrath of God is coming against such sins because they are un-natural. God’s ideal is also that marriage is a lifetime arrangement, but through divorce God’s ideal is again becoming less and less a reality. In our culture divorce is more common and marriages dishonored. People look for any and every reason to escape their marital agreement.
A quarter of British couples claim that snoring is ruining their love lives and 10% say the problem is so bad they may divorce. About 80% of couples say they have resorted to sleeping separately to escape the noise.
It is ridiculous to think that would be a legitimate cause for severing a marriage. God’s ideal and intention when he established the marriage relationship was for it to be a lifetime agreement. Marriage is a serious thing and it should not be something entered into lightly. All too often people rush into a marriage and later have to deal with the consequences of making a bad decision. Marriage is a serious agreement and should not be taken flippantly.
2. God has an Order in Marriage
God didn’t just establish the institution of marriage an expect us to just figure it out, but God left order for marriage. We can read in the Scriptures what type of order God expects and what type of order God has established. First, that order was established with the husband as the leader and the wife to be submissive to the husband. God created this order not so conflict would come, but so that conflict could be avoided. Despite what so many people seem to indicate marriage is a good thing and a great gift from God. Marriage though can be an awful thing, as the Proverbs teach if there is not order in the home. Since there is order in the home God also established the order that when a couple marries they become as one. They are joined together. I think that all too often people do not see their partner as Christ calls them to. Husbands God ahs called you to lead your family and to be the Spiritual leader. Marriage the way God intended it should be a relationship that draws you closer to God, not tears down or hinders.
Marriage is an agreement involving the man, the woman and God. When that agreement is made sacrifices have to be made and an effort needs to be made.
A man wrote: "Dear Abby, I am in love and I am having an affair with two different women other than my wife. I love my wife but I love these other women too. Please tell me what to do, but don’t give me any that morality stuff." Signed: Too much love for only one.” In this case Abby’s answer was classic. She wrote: “Dear Too much love for only one. The only difference between humans and animals is morality. Please write to a veterinarian."
When you decide to marry sometimes sacrifices must be made. Marriage is truly a gift from God and a gift that many all too often taken for granted. Marriage is an institution that God established for us so that we would not have to be alone. Marriage is something that we need to learn to value and treasure. Husbands and wives, I want to encourage you whether you are young or old, been married a long time or a short time to go out of your way to value your partner.
Eight-year old Roger was asked how a person could make love last? He replied, “Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love.”
Proverbs 18:22
We joke about and talk about marriage a whole lot, but the reality is marriage is a gift from God that sin has affected.
A woman went to the police station to report her husband as missing. She described him as "twenty-nine years old, six-foot-three, athletic, and handsome." The sergeant shook his head. "Wait a minute, lady. I know your husband. He’s fifty, short, and overweight." The woman said, "Sure he is, but who wants him back?"
The sad truth is that we often do not see marriage as a blessing like God intended it to be
There’s a story told of a little girl who hear the story of Snow White for the first time. Full of enthusiasm she retells the fairy tell to her mother. After describing how Prince Charming kissed Snow White back to life, she ask her mother, “And do you know what happened next?” “Yes” says the mother, “they lived happily ever after.” “No” replies Suzie, with a frown, “they got married.”
Marriage established the way that God intended it to be and marriage operating the way God intended it to be is a great blessing to the married and a gift from God.
II. Divorce
Tom Claiborne said, “Imagine what the world would be like if there was no divorce. There would be less heartache, less revenge, less bitterness, less anger, less turmoil, less confusion, less litigation, less heart broken children, less teen suicide, less alcoholism, less adultery, less pornography, less domestic violence, less church hoping, less church controversy and less sin. The flip side is there would be more love, more openness, more trust, more joy, more secure children, more laughing families, more healthy families, more money for more important things, more time for more important things, more men still in the ministry, more men still in the eldership, more harmony and more stability in society.”
a. God Hates Divorce
I know that it sounds harsh to think that God hates divorce and this is no way a crack on the divorced, but please let me explain. I hope that in the end of this message that hope and comfort may be found.
Malachi 2:13-16
Wayne Smith tells of an add he saw in a California newspaper one Thanksgiving that read: "Divorce: Only $25- come in and unload that turkey!"
I hope that is not the attitude that we have towards marriage and divorce. God hates divorce for several reasons…
1. Divorce Breaks a Covenant
Number 30:2
When you stood with your spouse and you said, “as God as my witness I give you my promise”, you were making a covenant before God. Those words meant something.
A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big one. After a while, the husband said, "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." His bride replied, "I know. But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
You made a covenant when you got married and your covenant is your word. People today really do not value their word. It is a shame that you cannot trust people today just because they gave you their word. We have to have written documentation and a signature along with it. Today people enter the covenant of marriage with stipulations. People will sign and come up with pre-nuptial agreements, or agreements of how things will work out when and if they get divorces. People enter the covenant of marriage with loopholes, even expecting to break their word that they made when they exchanged vows before God. Today, you are more in a minority if your life has not been affected by divorce than if you have been. Today, people look for an easy way out and in many cases it is easy to dissolve a marriage. Christians, I hope you hear this clearly: marriage is a covenant that you make before God and should not be taken lightly. Just because you have a disagreement or a spat does not give you the authority to overturn your Word. A covenant is your pledge before God. One things is clear in the Scriptures is that God judges and punishes covenant breakers. The covenant of marriage, which you entered into, was taken seriously by God and should be valued, honored and held in high regard by all Christians. God hates divorce because divorce is the breaking of a covenant.
2. Divorce Breaks People
I think one of the worst things about divorce practically speaking is the affect it has on the people involved. Divorce is a painful and a bitter thing that is not pleasant for those involved. Fifty years ago parents were likely to have a lot of kids, sadly now kids are likely to have a lot of parents.
A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t yet bought her a gift. So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
The overwhelmed man asked, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?" "That’s obvious!" said the sales clerk. "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, and Ken’s furniture.
Divorce causes emotional pain and confusion. Divorce causes hurt and heartache. Divorce is not a pleasant thing and all too often people have to suffer needlessly through the break-up of their homes. God hates divorce because he hears and knows the cries and heartache of those involved and hates when his people hurt.
b. God Does Not Hate the Divorced
Divorce is a sin and it is wrong, but it is not the unforgivable sin. Statistics have proven that divorced people do not feel welcomed in church. I believe though that what better place than the church to receive healing and ministering to than in the church. The church has been notorious for looking down on the divorced and seeing them as second-class citizens. I had an elder in a church one time tell me “baptism washes away sins, but not wives.” This is not the attitude that Jesus had to the divorced.
John 4:16-19
Here in John’s gospel we learn of an encounter that Jesus had with a woman that was probably a five-time failure at marriage. Jesus did not ignore the past with her, but neither did he allow it to determine her future. Jesus never elevated the sin of divorce over gossip, adultery, lying, or stealing. Men have made that elevation.
If you have been divorced, hear this clearly. Do not let anyone convince you that you are useless in the Kingdom or that you are less of a Christian. Know this also, that God still loves you and wants to use you for His common good.
God hates divorce, but does not hate the divorces.
The emperor Constantine legalized Christianity in the fourth century. He demanded that his entire army be immersed. When they were immersed however, he insured that their killing hand remained above water. Sometimes it is easier for people to use their killing hand to bash people and hurt people who may not have been as successful as you have been in marriage rather than to minister to those who have been broken by a shattered home.
We cannot make law where God did not give any more than we can allow where God did not allow.
Conclusion:
There is only one recorded divorce in Scripture and do you know who it involved? It involved God!
Jeremiah 3:8
It broke God’s heart to divorce unfaithful Israel. He did so because of her unfaithfulness to Him. God instructed a man named Hosea to take a wife named Gomer. This was to give a picture of God’s relationship with his people. Gomer was unfaithful to Hosea, but Hosea kept taking her back.
We as God’s people are in a relationship with God that the Scriptures compare to marriage. We as the Church are called the bride of Christ, and we will one day be presented before God as a pure and beautiful bride.
In order to be a part of that bride and a part of that great wedding we must be added to the church. The adding to the church is not done by us or by any man, but it is done by God.
Acts 2:36-41
