Why God hates divorce and violence (cont.)!
Malachi Pt. 3
Thesis: God hates divorce because of it devastating impact on family units. God hates violence because it destroys people’s lives and causes fear in a society.
Scripture Text: Malachi 2:11-17
11Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. 12As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD cut him off from the tents of Jacob—even though he brings offerings to the LORD Almighty.
13Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’S altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
16“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
17You have wearied the LORD with your words.
“How have we wearied him?” you ask.
By saying, “All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them” or “Where is the God of justice?”
Introduction:
The message of the book of Malachi can be outlined as follows:
1. Stop – I love you! 1:1-5
2. Look – I see you! 1:6-2:9
3. Listen – I know you! 2:10-4:6
Last week we explored Malachi chapter two and we discovered a progression of thought in our text. I really believe it may be more accurate to say, “A digression of thought and the path toward the destruction of individuals, families, societies and even nations.”
Summary of the message last week:
When the spiritual leaders fail to lead people toward God and teach the people His way then people will break the faith they have with God. Breaking the faith is common in a society when the leadership breaks down and fails to do its job. Breaking the faith means the people of God walk away from God and his ways and follow after false and deceptive ways that lead to their demise. Breaking the faith means people no longer trust God nor His way and, therefore they substitute the right way for the wrong way. When people break the faith and quit trusting and following God’s path then an impact is made on their personal lives which in turn affects their family’s lives. One main thing that happens to people who walk away from the faith is that divorce enters into their family unit. This breaking of faith leads to a breaking up of many marriages. The result of families disintegrating and falling into the trap of divorce and sin leads to individual family members being hurt and devastated. Emotional wounds are caused in the family and the family is thrown into a violent state of turmoil. The impact of the divorce affects the spouses and their children. It even impacts relatives and their future grand children. The ramifications of divorce and the breaking of the faith have far reaching consequences that even impact the society at large.
Societies that have experienced a breakdown in spiritual leadership also experience a breaking of the faith with God which impacts the family in a negative way which usually is divorce which in turn impacts many within society and that breeds feelings of anger and rage. This anger and rage if not dealt with leads to individuals and groups of individuals who then yield to the way of violence in society. Violence breeds more violence and leads to the destruction of the society.
T.S. - Today I want to spend a few moments talking a little bit more about why God hates divorce and why God hates violent people.
I. God hates divorce because of its negative impact on a family unit.
a. When divorce enters the picture people get hurt and people get devastated.
i. The Divorce rate today:
1. Since 1990:
1991, 0.47%
1992, 0.48%
1993, 0.46%
1994, 0.46%
1995, 0.46%
1995, 0.43%
1997, 0.43%,
1998, 0.42%,
1999, 0.41%,
2000, 0.41%,
2001, 0.40%,
a. http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html
2. Here is an excerpt from the Census Bureau report, with a link to the full report: "The National Center for Health Statistics recently released a report which found that 43
percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years.” The study is based on
the National Survey of Family Growth, a nationally representative sample of women age 15 to
44 in 1995. Bramlett, Matthew and William Mosher. "First marriage dissolution, divorce, and remariage: United States," Advance Data From Vital and Health Statistics; No.323. Hyattsville
MD: National Center for Health Statistics: 2 1.
3. Facts About Marital Distress and Divorce
Scott M. Stanley & Howard J. Markman
University of Denver and PREP, Inc.
a. Younger people in the U.S. who are marrying for the first time face roughly a 40-50% chance of divorcing in their lifetime under current trends (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 1992, p. 5).
b. Of first marriages that end in divorce, many end in the first 3 to 5 years. (As one example, for first marriages ending in divorce among women aged 25 to 29, the median length of marriage before divorce in 1990 was 3.4 years; U.S. Bureau of the Census, 1992, p. 4).
c. Mismanaged conflict and negative interaction in marriage predicts both marital distress and negative effects for children (e.g., Gottman, 1994; Markman & Hahlweg, 1993; Clements, Stanley, & Markman, 1997; Cowan & Cowan, 1992; and Grych & Fincham, 1990).
d. Money is the one thing that people say they argue about most in marriage, followed by children (Stanley & Markman, 1997). But, there is a lot of reason to believe that what couples argue about is not as important as how they argue (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 1994).
ii. Spouses get devastated – especially the ones who never saw it coming.
1. Adults and children are at increased risk for mental and physical problems due to marital distress (e.g., Cherlin & Furstenberg, 1994; Coie et al. 1993; Coyne, Kahn, & Gotlib, 1987; Cowan & Cowan, 1992; Fincham, Grych, & Osborne, 1993).
2. Marital problems are associated with decreased work productivity, especially for men (e.g., Forthofer, Markman, Cox, Stanley, & Kessler, 1996).
3. Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee, & Julia M. Lewis have written a book: "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce : A 25 Year Landmark Study." Ms Wallerstein is founder and executive director of the Center for the Family in Transition, and a senior lecturer at the School of Social Welfare at the University of California at Berkeley. Ms. Lewis is a professor of psychology at San Francisco State University and co-principal investigator of the Children of Divorce Project -- a longitudinal twenty-five-year study. Sandra Blakeslee is a science and medical writer. Their book is based on a study which tracked about 100 children who grew up in an unhappy or divorced family. She reports that "...children of divorce have a very hard time growing up. They never recover from their parents’ breakups and have difficulty forming their own adult relationships." Their book discusses the different roles that children take in the event of a divorce or unhappy marriage. It also deals with difficulties that children of divorce have as adults when they pursue their own relationships. Many feel that their relationships are doomed. They also try to avoid conflict, and fear commitment. The book ends with recommendations on how to minimize the damage that divorce does to the persons involved. It also has suggestions about how to prevent divorce by strengthening marriages (Copyright © 2002, by Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance, Originally written: 2002-APR-8)
Latest update: 2002-JUL-24- Author: B.A. Robinson
4. Focus on the Family states: With more than 30 years of research, we now know divorce seldom leads to a better life. Consider that:
a. Life expectancies for divorced men and women are significantly lower than for married people (who have the longest life expectancies).3
b. A recent study found those who were unhappy but stay married were more likely to be happy five years later than those who divorced.4
c. The health consequences of divorce are so severe that a Yale researcher concluded that “being divorced and a nonsmoker is [only] slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack a day and staying married.”5
d. After a diagnosis of cancer, married people are most likely to recover, while the divorced are least likely to recover, indicating that the emotional trauma of divorce has a long-term impact on the physical health of the body.
e. Men and women both suffer a decline in mental health following divorce, but researchers have found that women are more greatly affected. Some of the mental health indicators affected by divorce include depression, hostility, self-acceptance, personal growth and positive relations with others.
iii. Children get emotionally scarred and traumatized from divorce.
1. Children and Divorce: A report on educating students from divorced and single-parent homes by the NEA Standing Committee on Instruction and Professional Development:
a. The majority of research studies indicate that, for children, divorce and one-parent homes mean a higher risk of having problems in school. For example, the National Association of Elementary School Principals (NAESP) and the Kettering Foundation’s Institute for the Development of Educational Activities (I/D/E/A) conducted a three-year study of 18,000 students from fourteen states which concluded that -- As a group, one-parent children show lower achievement and present more discipline problems than do their two-parent peers in both elementary and high school. They are also absent more often, late to school more often, and may show more health problems as well. The research most frequently cited in the educational literature about how divorce affects children is that of Judith S. Wallerstein and Joan B. Kelly (54) whose comprehensive study is known as the Children of Divorce Project. Their investigation, which ended in 1979, involved 131 children from 60 California families over a period of five years. They found that one-third of the children experienced learning problems and two-thirds showed noticeable changes in school behavior (http://www.pobct.org/divorce.html).
2. Children living with a single parent or adult report a higher prevalence of activity limitation and higher rates of disability. They are also more likely to be in fair or poor health and more likely to have been hospitalized (National Center for Health Statistics, 1997).
3. The "triple threat" of marital conflict, divorce, and out-of-wedlock births has led to a generation of U.S. children at great risk for poverty, health problems, alienation, and antisocial behavior. Facts About Marital Distress and Divorce, Scott M. Stanley & Howard J. Markman
University of Denver and PREP, Inc.
4. Listen to some of these other reports on the ramifications of divorce on children:
a. "After divorce, children tend to become more emotionally distant from both the custodial and non-custodial parent." Paul R. Amato and Alan Booth, A Generation at Risk (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1997), p. 69, reporting the findings of Rossi and Rossi (1991).
b. "This emotional distance between children and parents lasts well into adulthood and may become permanent. As adults, children of divorced parents are half as likely to be close to their parents as are children of intact families. They have less frequent contact with the parent with whom they grew up and much less contact with the divorced parent from whom they have been separated." Lye et al., "Childhood Living Arrangements and Adult Children’s Relations with Their Parents," pp. 261-280, and William S. Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood: Impact on Young Adults’ Assessment of Parent-Child Relations," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 56 (1994), pp. 908-922
c. "Compared with continuously married mothers, divorced mothers--whether custodial or non-custodial--are likely to be less affectionate and less communicative with their children and to discipline them more harshly and more inconsistently, especially in the first year after the divorce. In particular, divorced mothers have problems with their sons, though their relationship is likely to improve within two years even when some discipline problems persist up to six years after the divorce." E. Mavis Hetherington, Roger Cox, and Martha Cox, "Long-Term Effects of Divorce and Remarriage on the Adjustment of Children," Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, Vol. 24 (1985), pp. 518-530.
d. "Divorced mothers, despite their best intentions, are less able than married mothers to give the same level of emotional support to their children." Jane E. Miller and Diane Davis, "Poverty History, Marital History, and Quality of Children’s Home Environments," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 59 (1997), pp. 996-1007.
e. "The quality of the relationship that divorced fathers have with their sons, often troubled before the divorce, tends to become significantly worse after the breakup. Finally, the higher the level of conflict during the divorce, the more likely the distance between father and children afterwards." Janet Johnston, "High Conflict Divorce," The Future of Children, Vol. 4 (1994), pp. 165-182, and Amato and Booth, A Generation at Risk, p. 68, reporting the findings of numerous authors.
f. "Also, children of divorce are less likely to think they should support their parents in old age. This finding alone portends a monumental problem for the much-divorced baby-boom generation that will become the dependent generation of elderly during the first half of this new century." Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood," pp. 908-922.
g. "Even older young adults whose parents divorce report turmoil and disruption. They deeply dislike the strains and difficulties that arise in daily rituals, family celebrations, family traditions, and special occasions and see these losses as major." Marjorie A. Pett, Nancy Long, and Anita Gander, "Late-Life Divorce: Its Impact on Family Rituals," Journal of Family Issues, Vol. 13 (1992), pp. 526-552.
h. All quotes above taken from: The Effects of Divorce on America by Patrick F. Fagan and Robert Rector
i. Fagan: American society may have erased the stigma that once accompanied divorce, but it can no longer ignore its massive effects. As social scientists track successive generations of American children whose parents have ended their marriages, the data are leading even some of the once-staunchest supporters of divorce to conclude that divorce is hurting American society and devastating the lives of children.
b. With the obvious evidence showing how divorce hurts families lets see how to divorce proof your marriage so it is stronger, healthier and better:
i. ARTICLE CALLED: THE DOS AND DON’TS OF A GOOD MARRIAGE
by Louis McBurney, M.D.
1. Commitment. “Commitment” is not a popular word in our culture. Our society emphasizes individual rights, personal freedom and mobility. The idea of giving these up because of dedication to another person or loyalty to a relationship makes a lot of people feel trapped. But I don’t think you can have it both ways. You can’t build a divorce-proof marriage and remain unbending toward your personal rights. That doesn’t mean you give up all your freedoms or choices, but it does mean your commitment to the relationship supercedes your individual rights. Commitment means putting your spouse’s needs above your own. Studies show that the best indicator of marital well-being is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met. I’ve found that when I focus only on my needs and forget about my wife, I tend to get irritated and disappointed. I may even begin to imagine how much better off I’d be with a different wife. On the other hand, I feel satisfied when I focus on my wife’s needs and how I can creatively meet them.
2. Communication. Someone once said “Communication is to love as blood is to the body.” Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies. The kind of communication I’m talking about isn’t just exchanging information; it’s sharing feelings, hurts, joys. That means getting below the surface and examining the hows and whys of daily life. But it’s not easy since men and women are different in this area. Research makes it clear that women have greater linguistic abilities than men. Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reluctance to talk. Every knowledgeable marriage counselor will tell you that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings is one of the chief complaints of wives. Like conflict resolution, communication is a learned skill — and it’s often hard work. Time must be reserved for meaningful conversations. Taking walks and going out for dinner are conversation inducers that keep love alive.
3. Patience. We live in an instant world — fast foods, cash machines, computer access to information, direct dial communication all over the world. The problem is we can’t heat up a marriage in the microwave. Relationships just don’t work that way. Marriage, especially takes time and care to become really beautiful. That means learning patience. When you put two people — any two — in the same house, you’re going to have irritations and annoyances. There are times when I think God designed marriage just to teach me patience. My wife doesn’t always respond like I wish she would. And she still expects me to pick up my dirty clothes, be on time for dinner and remember her birthday You’d think that after 30 years of marriage, she would have given up on me. In the meantime I’m considering humoring her a little. Recently I even put my underwear on the floor next to the laundry hamper. I wonder how she’s doing with patience. Beyond the day-to-day quirks and foibles you must accept, patience is needed for the long haul. It may take years for you to develop the kind of relationship that’s satisfying to both of you. A lot of people don’t have the patience to wait around for things to evolve. But if you’re willing to sit tight and hang in there, your marriage can be fantastic.
4. Strong beliefs. We’re more than a bundle of feelings and physical sensations. There is an inner core of our being, an eternal part of who we are, that represents the deepest, most permanent aspect of marriage. Research shows that couples with strong religious beliefs are far more likely to stay together than those without them. It’s the shared morals and values that hold a husband and wife together. This solid foundation is a fortress against the storms of life. For my wife and me, our Christian faith has been the bedrock of our relationship. In our 30-plus years of marriage, we have consistently turned to the Bible for direction, guidance and comfort.
5. Watch for Trouble spots. There are a lot of problems that can cripple or fatally wound a marriage. Here are some of the common ones:
a. Relying on feelings rather than commitment. Romantic feelings come and go, and many spouses get nervous when the flame dies down. They begin to doubt their relationship and wonder if they married the wrong person. A lot of those misgivings are fueled by the media, which says any successful relationship must run on high-octane passion. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you think marriage will be one long, steamy love scene. Sometimes it’s pure commitment and persistence that keeps a marriage together. In all marriages there are times when the tingle of romance fades. At those times, commitment is the force that pulls you through.
b. Being selfish rather than serving. In today’s world, there are a lot more takers than givers. When two givers do get together, their marriage is usually fantastic. When a giver and a taker marry it’s usually lopsided, out of whack and full of trouble. And the marriage of two takers can crash and burn within a matter of months. Selfishness will damage a marriage, but serving will solidify it.
c. Allowing marital drift. In geography class you may have learned about continental drift, where huge “plates” of earth move slowly and imperceptibly in opposite directions. The same thing happens in a lot of marriages. The shift is often so subtle that one day the partners wake up and say “I don’t really know who you are anymore.” And how can you keep from drifting? By talking regularly setting mutual goals for your marriage, planning the future together, playing together, cultivating shared interests and fanning the flame of romance.
d. Letting your eyes and heart wander. There’s an old song that said, “I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends loose for the tie that binds. Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” You know that’s an old song, since the idea of loyalty doesn’t crop up in lyrics much anymore. I’ve been around long enough to see how subtly the line between “friends” and “lovers” can be blurred. What begins as a pleasant friendship glides silently across the line. The only way to really avoid those boundary violations is to watch for the early warning signs. If you begin to notice that someone lights up your life a little too much, back off! If you find yourself looking forward to the next time you can be together, cancel it.
6. One sure way to ruin your marriage. The media has done us a great disservice by making a big joke out of affairs and unfaithfulness. By watching TV and movies, you’d think that everybody is hopping from bed to bed — and it’s no big deal. The truth is, however, that sexual infidelity is one of the primary causes of divorce. Even those marriages that do survive infidelity are greatly damaged. Here are some things you can do to stay out of that trap:
a. Know the truth. Maximum sexual fulfillment comes in a committed marriage relationship. So if you really want the best, don’t cheat. You’ll be cheating yourself as well as your spouse.
b. Build your emotional closeness. The better you get along with each other, the better your sex will be and the less tempting other people will be.
c. Confide in your spouse rather than an opposite sex friend. Becoming emotionally intimate makes sexual unfaithfulness an easy step. Most affairs begin as an innocent friendship.
d. Guard your thoughts. Don’t risk fantasizing about other romantic attachments. Your actions will tend to follow your thoughts.
e. Keep romance alive. Long-term marriage doesn’t have to become dull and boring, but keeping romance alive takes a conscious effort. It’s your choice to maintain the excitement and enchantment.
7. Don’t listen to the marriage cynics. These days, a lot of people put down marriage, like the comedian who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married — but by then it was too late.” Or the talk show host who quipped, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” In fact, you’ve probably had friends say “Why would you want to get married?” Don’t listen to the humbuggers. Good marriages bring fun and laughter and meaning to life. Even after three decades, my wife and I still have a blast being together. Our love is like a thousand violins playing Tchaikovsky (for you it might be electric guitars or synthesizers). It’s the thrill of shared experiences, building memories and facing new challenges. And it’s so much more! Still, I can’t emphasize this enough — marriage takes hard work and commitment. With divorce so rampant today many young couples enter marriage with one eye on the exit door. But it takes an unwavering commitment — not giving yourself an out — to keep a marriage healthy and thriving. It’s choosing to be kind and giving and courteous and affectionate and affirming. That choice is the glue that will hold you together. Even when the adrenaline rush is gone and the music fades, the love will live on. Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family.
c. We need to aggressively guard our marriages and families from divorce so that we do not break the faith with the Lord.
T.S. – God hates divorce because of its vast ramifications to people individually, to the family unit and to society as a whole. We must guard our hearts and divorce proof our marriages. Malachi progresses on in our chapter to address the 4th thing that God hates “Violence!”
II. I hate a man covering himself with violence.
a. Our text in Malachi tells us to guard yourself from violence so that you will not break the faith.
i. We must guard ourselves against violence it only leads to curses and death.
1. The website http://www.cybercollege.com/violence.htm states: The results of one of the most extensive studies ever done on the subject of violence and TV were released in 2003.
a. Researchers followed 329 subjects over 15 years. They found that those who as children were exposed to violent TV shows were much more likely to later be convicted of crime. Researchers said that, "Media violence can affect any child from any family," regardless of social class or parenting.
b. Girls who watched more than an average amount of violence tended to throw things at their husbands. Boys who grew up watching violent TV shows were more likely to be violent with their wives.
c. Researchers concluded in Developmental Psychology that, "Every violent TV show increases a little-bit of the likelihood of a child growing up to behave more aggressively."
d. Studies done in both the United States and Canada have shown a positive relationship between early exposure to TV violence and physical aggressiveness in later life.
e. The results of a study released in March, 2002 that tracked 700 male and female youths over a seventeen-year period showed a definite relationship between TV viewing habits and acts of aggression and crime in the later life. All other possible contributing environmental elements, such as poverty, living in a violent neighborhood, and neglect, were factored out of this study. According to one of the authors of the study, the findings help cement the link between TV and violence. The study is detailed in the Science journal.
f. Studies also show that media violence also has a desensitizing effect on viewers.
i. As a result, specific levels of violence become more acceptable over time. It then takes more and more graphic violence to shock (and hold) an audience.
ii. History gives us many examples. To cite just one, the famous Roman Circuses started out being a rather tame form of entertainment. But in an effort to excite audiences, violence and rape were introduced in the arena settings. Subsequently, as audiences got used to seeing these things, they then demanded more and more, until the circuses eventually became violent, bloody and grotesque, and hundreds, if not thousands, of hapless people died in the process of providing "entertainment."
b. A Report of the House of Commons Standing Committee
on Communication and Culture, June 1993 from Cananda
i. The Committee believes that the problems of television violence, and the larger issue of societal violence, could lead to the fraying of the fabric of our modern civilization unless a comprehensive strategy is developed to arrest such insidious progress. The signatures of more than 1.3 million Canadians on Virginie Lariviere’s petition in favour of legislation against television violence, and the reaction of the House of Commons and the Minister of Communications to this petition, lead us to believe that the past complacent attitude of this country’s population, institutions and government towards television violence is changing.
1. We in the USA need to stand up against the violence that pouring out into our society from the media world and say “Enough is enough!”
c. I would like to ask you a question, “Do you believe our society guards it self from violence?”
i. Lets look at the movies! What do you think?
Category
Kills
Movies
Average
Kills
Needed
To
Move Up
Average
Star
Rating
Last
Updated
1. Miscellaneous Horror
16,160 176 91.8182 - 2.8835 Nov.05.04
2. Miscellaneous Science-Fiction
10,082 138 73.0580 6,078 2.8659 Jan.03.05
3. Miscellaneous Commando
9,373 74 126.6622 709 2.9527 Sep.26.04
4. Miscellaneous
7,732 135 57.2741 1,641 3.0111 Jan.03.05
5. Miscellaneous Action/Adventure
5,214 135 38.6222 2,518 2.9926 Feb.02.05
6. Miscellaneous War/Western
5,138 156 32.9359 76 2.8526 Mar.08.05
7. Miscellaneous Cop
4,711 183 25.7432 427 3.0874 Mar.08.05
8. Miscellaneous Suspence/Thriller
2,553 79 32.3165 2,158 3.2911 Sep.26.04
9. James BOND
1,236 22 56.1818 1,317 3.5000 Jul.19.03
10. Dolph LUNDGREN
567 20 28.3500 669 3.0500 Sep.26.04
11. Arnold SCHWARZENEGGER
538 20 26.9000 29 3.5750 Oct.21.03
12. Harrison FORD
505 15 33.6667 33 3.6667 Sep.24.03
13. Chuck NORRIS
455 27 16.8519 50 3.1481 Jan.25.02
14. Sylvester STALLONE
449 19 23.6316 6 3.3421 Feb.07.04
15. MEL Gibson
421 19 22.1579 28 3.6053 Apr.13.02
16. Clint EASTWOOD
396 31 12.7742 25 2.9194 Sep.24.03
17. Charles BRONSON
374 37 10.1081 22 2.8514 Aug.13.03
18. Steven SEAGAL
266 15 17.7333 108 3.3333 Oct.19.04
19. Jean-Claude VAN DAMME
248 20 12.4000 18 3.0250 Feb.02.05
20. Rutger HAUER
205 24 8.5417 43 2.8958 Apr.13.02
Totals
66,623 1,345 49.5338 3.0182
Unique Movies On File
1,233
+/- Since Last Update
+50 +2 -0.0366 NC
ii. Lets look at TV! What do you think?
1. In 1992, TV Guide commissioned a study of a typical 18-hour TV broadcast day to determine levels of violence. The networks and the more popular cable channels were monitored for "purposeful, overt, deliberate behavior involving physical force or weapons against other individuals." There were 1,846 acts of violence that broke down this way.
cartoons 471 promos for TV shows 265
movies 221 toy commercials 188
music videos 123 commercials for films 121
TV dramas 69 news 62
tabloid reality shows 58 sitcoms 52
soap operas 34
In looking at the role of the broadcast outlets in the violence equation TV mogul Ted Turner said: "They’re guilty of murder. We all are—me too."
iii. Lets look at music! What do you think?
1. Facts from the website: http://www.babybag.com/articles/amaviol.htm
a. The Parents Music Resource Center reports that American teenagers listen to an estimated 10,500 hours of rock music between the 7th and 12th grades alone - just 500 hours less than they spend in school over twelve years. (19)
b. Entertainment Monitor reported that only 10 of the top 40 popular CDs on sale during the 1995 holiday season were free of profanity, or lyrics dealing with drugs, violence and sex. (19)
c. A recent survey by the Recording Industry Association of America found that many parents do not know what lyrics are contained in the popular music their children listen to. (20)
d. In September 1995, Warner Music Group bowed to public pressure and announced it was severing its 50% stake in Interscope Records, home to Nine Inch Nails and controversial rap artists Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre. Rap artists simply turned to a different distribution network and their CDs continue to hit the stores with lyrics which glorify guns, rape, and murder. (20)
e. On Focus on The Family there is an article in their Plugged in publication about violence toward women and it gives insight into the magnitude of the problem with violence in rap music:
i. Unwanted! Degrading Rap & Hip-Hop, By Tom Neven: Listen to his thoughts and the concern of the community!
1. For years certain elements of urban hip-hop culture, especially gangsta rap, have depicted females as nothing more than sexual playthings. Women have been called names that would provoke a fight if used against a wife, mother, daughter or sister. But now some African-Americans, particularly women, are fighting back. The editors of Essence, a leading magazine for black women, have launched a campaign called “Take Back the Music.” Editor-in-chief Diane Weathers announced that the staff would take on what she called “the media war on young girls, the hypersexualization that keeps pushing them in sexual directions at younger and younger ages.” To humanize the victims, Essence’s Web site featured images of black women with the words “b--ch,” “trick” and “ho” superimposed on them. It’s a shocking but powerful response to music that reduces women to faceless stereotypes. The editors write that they’re “alarmed at the imbalance in the depiction of our sexuality and character in music.
iv. Let also look at Video games and the internet? What do you think?
1. The website enlightens us to the problem of violence in video games and the net: http://www.babybag.com/articles/amaviol.htm
2. The Internet, a global "network of networks" is not governed by a government or private entity. This vacuum leaves no checks or limits on the information maintained or made accessible to users. No person or entity owns the Internet, leaving no one accountable for the accidents which occur on its highways. (15)
3. The incidence of violence on the Internet is difficult to quantify because the technology has moved faster than our capability to monitor it. Evidence of violence is anecdotal rather than statistical mainly because communication on the Internet is private. Reported cases of abuse are relatively infrequent, but as the technology continues to advance, there is potential for great harm as well as great good. (15)
4. The Internet could become a stalking ground for child molesters who have moved from the playground to the Internet attracted by the anonymity it offers. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has documented more than a dozen cases in the last year of cyberspace seduction by pedophiles in which children were lured by on-line predators into traveling to locations hundreds of miles from their homes where they were then sexually assaulted. (16)
5. The Oklahoma bombing suspect obtained a copy of the "Turner Diaries," a book which advocates the violent overthrow of government, off the Internet. Whereas before, one would have had to know exactly where to look and be pre-disposed to search for the book, the Internet made it easily accessible to a global audience. (17)
6. Although there has been less research on the effects of violence in video games and the Internet because they are new and changing technologies, there is little reason to doubt that findings from other media studies will apply here too. Young children instinctively imitate actions they observe, without always possessing the intellect or maturity to determine if such actions are appropriate. Due to their role-modeling capacity to promote real world violence, there is deep concern that playing violent video games, with their fully digitalized human images, will cause children to become more aggressive towards other children and become more tolerant of, and more likely to engage in, real-life violence. (18)
d. God hates violence and we need to get a reality check about our current society and its obsession with violence.
i. Laval University professors Guy Paquette and Jacques de Guise studied six major Canadian television networks over a seven-year period, examining films, situation comedies, dramatic series, and children’s programming (though not cartoons). The study found that between 1993 and 2001, incidents of physical violence increased by 378 per cent. TV shows in 2001 averaged 40 acts of violence per hour (Media Awareness Network)
e. Scripture does address the issue of violence. Listen to what it says about it:
i. Proverbs has much to say about the danger of violence:
1. Proverbs 10:6: Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.
2. Proverbs 10:11, 12: The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked. Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
3. Proverbs 13:2: From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence.
4. Proverbs 21:7: The violence of the wicked will drag them away, for they refuse to do what is right.
f. How do you protect your lives and the ones you love from the affects of violence?
i. We need to pray: Psalm 7: 9 is a cry-a prayer to deliver them from the violence in society and we need to offer up the same kind of prayers, “O righteous God, who searches minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure.”
1. Remember prayer makes a difference!
ii. The worst thing you could do is to do nothing about the input of violence into your life and your families life.
1. We need to resist to onslaught of violence and say “NO!”
a. James 4:7-10: 7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
b. 1 Peter 5:9: 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
c. Proverbs 28:4, 5: Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but those who keep the law resist them. Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD understand it fully.
2. We need to give no place to the Devil in our lives.
a. Ephesians 4:26, 27: 26“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.”
i. Our direction in life is more important than our position in life. If we are in Heaven with one foot in the door of Hell we are moving in the wrong direction (Mark Braaten).
iii. May I suggest the following practical actions in protecting yourself against violence.
1. Stay alert, stay vigilant and tuned into your environment.
a. Keep watch over your home and family and do not give up against the onslaught of the enemy to get into our homes and our families lives.
i. Mark 13:33: Be on guard! Be alert!
b. Be realistic about your limitations.
i. We should carry an alarm to blow whenever violence raises its head in our lives to remind ourselves how dangerous it is to our lives.
ii. Practical steps: Take precautions, Consider carrying a personal alarm, the type used by joggers to signal an emergency when violence raises its ugly head.
c. We need to find accountability partners who will challenge us when we play with evil for entertainment.
i. Practically in life: Inform someone about where you are going and when you are expected to return. It’s good to let others know in case something happens!
2. Here is a practical list of things to do to avoid the crime of rape: What to do to avoid being rapped:
a. Through a Rapists Eyes (an e-mail I received) - A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts.
i. The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are
most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other
hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a
woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
ii. The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
iii. They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their
purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off and can
be easily overpowered.
iv. The time of day men are most likely to attack and rape a woman is in the
early morning, between 5 and 8:30 a.m.
v. The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.
vi. The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.
vii. Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year
sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.
viii. If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it
only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t
worth it because it will be time consuming.
ix. These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.
x. Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk, I can’t believe it is so cold out here or
we’re in for a bad winter. Now you’ve seen their face and could identify them in a lineup, you lose appeal as a target.
xi. If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
xii. If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
xiii. If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can by
outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh -- HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts.
xiv. After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, & he’s out of there.
xv. When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and
bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
xvi. Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your
surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd
behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel a little
silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
g. The Lord wants us to avoid the trap of violence and to guard ourselves from it.
i. We do this by being proactive in our life.
1. We choose ahead of time not to expose ourselves to violence purposely.
a. We give it no foothold in our lives.
b. We keep the door shut.
2. We choose not to go places were violence is lurking waiting to strike its next innocent victim.
a. Like drug and alcohol parties.
i. A story of a Pastors daughter.
3. We pray for God’s protection and guidance daily.
4. We decide to have accountability partners.
ii. We do this by intervention for others:
1. This is where we help others! We do this by reaching into a dangerous situation to pull people out of the pit of destruction.
a. We warn them of the danger!
2. We do this by interceding for them and telling them that there is away out.
a. There is person who can deliver them and heal them.
b. We pray for God to open their eyes!
3. In this action of love we speak the truth in love and express our concern for their safety.
a. We care enough to get involved! This is love!
iii. We also do post-intervention.
1. This is where we support those who have been victimized and help them to heal.
2. We help them to grow in Christ and support their recovery.
3. We pray with them and for them for continued healing!
4. If we ourselves have become victims of violence we ask God to heal us and restore us.
5. We understand that God can take something meant for evil and turn it around for the good! He is very good at that.
6. We pray for the blessings of God to flow into a person’s life! It makes a difference.
Conclusion:
We need to guard ourselves from divorce and from violence so that we do not break the faith.
