Malachi Pt 2
“I hate these things!” God
Thesis: The Lord tells his people that he hates the following 4 things: Leaders who mislead His people, people who break the faith, divorce and violence.
Opening Thoughts about our text today:
He hates that Levi and its priests have not honored His word and they have chosen to break their covenant.
He hates that Judah has broken the faith with God and that they have wed other gods.
He hates divorce and its ramifications on the people.
He hates those who are clothed in violence.
The people of God are warned and told they must listen to God and repent of their sin before the Day of the Lord comes upon them.
Scripture texts: Malachi 2:1-17
1”And now this admonition is for you, O priests. 2If you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honor my name,” says the LORD Almighty, “I will send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings. Yes, I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honor me. 3“Because of you I will rebuke your descendants; I will spread on your faces the offal from your festival sacrifices, and you will be carried off with it. 4And you will know that I have sent you this admonition so that my covenant with Levi may continue,” says the LORD Almighty. 5“My covenant was with him, a covenant of life and peace, and I gave them to him; this called for reverence and he revered me and stood in awe of my name. 6True instruction was in his mouth and nothing false was found on his lips. He walked with me in peace and uprightness, and turned many from sin.
7“For the lips of a priest ought to preserve knowledge, and from his mouth men should seek instruction—because he is the messenger of the LORD Almighty. 8But you have turned from the way and by your teaching have caused many to stumble; you have violated the covenant with Levi,” says the LORD Almighty. 9“So I have caused you to be despised and humiliated before all the people, because you have not followed my ways but have shown partiality in matters of the law.”
10Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another?
11Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. 12As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD cut him off from the tents of Jacob—even though he brings offerings to the LORD Almighty.
13Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’S altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
16“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
17You have wearied the LORD with your words.
“How have we wearied him?” you ask.
By saying, “All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them” or “Where is the God of justice?”
Introduction:
Malachi continues on with listing the sins and the abominations of the Israelites with the Lord. Malachi is God’s inspired Word to a deceived and rebellious nation - Judah. Malachi’s name means “My Message”. This off course is the last prophetic book in the OT. The message of the book addresses the sinful condition of the priests of God and the people of God. The book paints a picture for us of a people who say they are of God and His children. They believe they are right with God even though they are disrespecting God, in opposition to the ways of God, and living in sin. The book is a call to holiness and repentance so that God’s hand is not forced to pronounce judgment on the remaining tribes of Israel. It is a call from God to remind the people of God that the Day of the Lord is coming and with it comes judgment for unrepentant sin. The message of the book of Malachi can be outlined as follows:
1. Stop – I love you! 1:1-5
2. Look – I see you! 1:6-2:9
3. Listen – I know you! 2:10-4:6
Holman notes this about Malachi: The purpose of Malachi was to assure his people that God still loved them, but He demanded honor, respect, and faithfulness from them. Malachi pointed out religious and social abuses and warned that judgment would come to purge the people of sin unless they repented.
Thoughts from a Contributor to Sermon Central on the Levi Covenant: Paul George
This covenant was made with the whole tribe of Levi when they were distinguished from the rest of the tribes, were not numbered with them, but were taken from among them and appointed over the “tabernacle of testimony (Numbers 1:49-50). By virtue of this appointment the Lord says, “I have taken the Levites from among the sons of Israel instead of every first-born, the first issue of the womb among the sons of Israel. So the Levites shall be Mine (Numbers 3:12). This covenant was made with Aaron when he and his sons were taken to “minister as priest to” the Lord (Exodus 28:1). In Psalm 106:16, Aaron is called, “the saint of the Lord.”
The covenant that was made with Phinehas and his family, a branch of Aaron’s, upon a particular occasion (Numbers 25:12-13). Because of his hatred of sin (Numbers 25:7-8), Phinehas’s family was promised the high priesthood in Israel, thus bypassing the other grandsons of Aaron (Numbers 12-13). The covenant is called a “covenant of peace” because by it peace was made and kept between God and Israel. These great blessings of life and peace, contained in the covenant, God made with Levi, Aaron and Phinehas; the Lord promised life and peace to them and their posterity, entrusted them with these benefits for the use and benefit of Israel. They received these benefits so that they might give, as Christ himself did (Psalm 68:18). for all mankind.
The covenant was grounded on the tribe of Levi’s proof of their holy fear of God, and their reverence for the Lord’s name, when they appeared so bravely against the worshippers of the golden calf (Exodus 32:26). For their zeal in that matter God bestowed this blessing upon them and invited them to consecrate themselves to Him. Phinehas also showed himself zealous in the fear of God and his judgments when, to stay a plague, he stabbed both the “man of Israel and the woman (Numbers 25:8) and “the plague on the sons of Israel was checked” (Numbers 25:8) (Sermoncentral.com).
When you see the origin of this covenant between God and His priesthood you discover how concerned God is with maintaining peace with His people. When we get to Malachi we discover that the people have walked away from God and His ways. In chapter 2 the Lord speaks through Malachi and addresses the priests. The Lord says he holds them responsible for the breaking of the Levi Covenant. Their covenant centered on a willingness to teach the people the truth of God and His hatred of sin. But the priests are addressed about their lack of preaching and teaching the truth. They have compromised the Word of God to appease the people. They have made exemptions for sin and insinuated that it’s okay to do things your way. They lied to themselves and actually believed God would bless the ones who were disobedient to His Word.
Summary of Chapter 2:
In this chapter we see how sin becomes progressive in the life of the people of God. It starts with the leadership compromising their divine job and failing to be the leaders that God called them to be. We then see the consequence of the compromise of leadership it affects the people of God. When the leaders no longer lead the way to God the result was the people broke the faith with God. When leader fail to lead people go astray and follow their own destructive ways. This leadership failure led to people walking away from the faith they had in God. This walking away from the faith and the severing of their relationship with God led to societal degeneration. The first societal ramification was the break up of the family units and to divorce. Divorce led to more people being hurt and trampled on which further drove them away from God. The results of the trauma and the sins of the parents drove many to acts of violence. Result the destruction of a nation under God.
Let’s first explore how important Spiritual Leadership is to the Word of God and to the promoting of truth in a society. Hybels states, “Everything rises and falls on its leadership.”
I. The Lord hates that the Levites and its priests have broken the covenant with Him.
a. There is a warning to the leaders that an abomination is coming and even now has been released on the Israelites.
i. They will receive a cursing for what they have sown – lack of spiritual leadership for the people.
1. They will be humiliated and desecrated because of their unwillingness to teach and guard the truth of the Lord to the people.
a. God will not allow His Word to mocked or humiliated.
b. He will expose them for the frauds that they are and they will suffer the consequences of their betrayal
c. Remember this is the last book of the OT and the next writing in the Bible is the Gospels about the arrival of the Messiah.
i. Did Jesus humiliate the religious leaders?
ii. Who was He the hardest on in the Gospels? Was it Sinners or Religious leaders?
iii. Did He judge them?
iv. Did He confront them?
v. Did He humiliate them in front of the people?
ii. The Word tells us these leaders will be despised and not held up in positions of honor.
1. This happens when spiritual leaders compromise the Word of the Lord.
a. Has the Lord been true to His Word?
i. How about Jimmy Swaggert?
ii. How about Larry Lea?
iii. How about Jim Baker?
iv. God will humble His leaders who compromise the Word and lead others astray.
2. It’s amazing how people want to do their own thing and when they are corrected they reject God’s Authority. But it is also amazing to find that the people will turn on the leadership that has not pointed out to them to what is true and right. When people start to suffer the consequences of sin they are quick to point out how their spiritual leadership or lack of is to blame for their condition.
a. The rebellious always turn on themselves.
b. The people will one day turn on the false messengers because they knew better and instead of leading them to God they help lead them further away from God.
3. They will be held accountable by the Lord for their failure to teach the knowledge and the truths of God in Heaven.
a. When the Day of the Lord comes all will be held accountable for their actions or lack of.
4. There will be no position of honor only humiliation and dishonor for these false teachers and priests.
b. Holman states: God’s Covenants with His People God’s grace in relating to His people by initiating covenants with them is a major theme of the Bible. The Old Testament story can be related as the story of God making covenants with His people and responding to them out of that covenant relationship. The New Testament can be described as the fulfillment of the Old Testament covenant hope in the establishment of God’s new covenant in Jesus Christ.
c. Malachi reveals to the leaders of Judah -- the ones He made a covenant with – that they are not listening to Him nor following His ways.
i. Instead they have chosen cursing rather than blessing.
1. Instead of choosing to avoid sin they have allowed sin into their lives and the nation’s life and with that choice comes cursing not blessings.
2. It’s a natural law of God just like the law of gravity.
a. Sin always brings the curse!
b. Holiness always brings the blessings!
ii. There charge is, “They have to choose to honor the Lord or suffer the consequences of dishonor to God.”
1. There is a window currently open for repentance but it will close very soon.
2. They can honor God now or become dishonored and humiliated very soon!
d. The Priests are charged with breaking the Covenant of Levi and therefore they have miss lead the people of God.
i. The Covenant of Levi is one that promises life and peace.
ii. God promised them a life filled with peace as long as they followed Him. But when they chose to abandon the Covenant and the result is they opened the door for death and chaos into their lives and the nation’s life.
1. The Priests are charged with insubordination and the evidence is presented in our text.
a. They do not teach the Word of God!
b. They do not reverence God!
c. They do not respect God!
d. They do not honor God with their lives!
e. They do not hold the people accountable for their sins nor tell them they are in sin.
2. They are guilty and they will held liable for leading many away from God’s way of life and peace
a. Result is they will be humiliated and despised by the one who they say they represent.
e. There are many today breaking the New Covenant of the New Testament with Jesus.
i. Priests abuse children and cover it up and they break the covenant and then cause many to break the faith.
1. I have heard so many stories of the how these so-called men of God have rapped and destroyed peoples faith.
ii. I hear ministers, so-called men/women of God saying “Homosexuality is okay.” When God’s Word says, “It is sin!” and so they break the NT Covenant with Jesus and lead many away from their biblical faith.
iii. Ministers allow the pulpits to be controlled by political correctness and not the truth of Scripture. Once again there is a breaking of the NT Covenant with Jesus and a breaking away from biblical faith.
1. Result many are led astray and away from the Lord.
iv. Minister’s water down the message of God’s Word so people do not get offended. Once again there is a breaking of the Covenant which leads to many breaking away from their biblical faith.
v. Church leaders embrace the ideologies of this world and reject the teachings of God’s Word and result is a breaking of the Covenant with Jesus and many break away from their biblical faith.
T.S. – It is true everything rise and falls on it’s leadership and when the spiritual leaders break the Covenant with the Lord there is a mass breaking away of the faithful from serving and following the Lord.
II. The Lord hates that Judah has broken faith, they have married foreign gods.
a. They have betrayed the true one for false ones and in the midst they have led many others astray.
i. The people of God have chosen to break away from their way of faith. They have abandoned their belief in the ways and the things of God for lies and distortions.
1. They have believed the philosophies of this world and the lies of this society and therefore rejected the voice of the Lord.
2. They have broke the faith by getting involved in idol worship and thinking God will not mind.
3. They broke the faith by pushing God out of their daily lives and allowing other gods to fill his proper position.
ii. They have been deceived into believing that God’s way is not the only way.
1. They have in essence divorced God and His Covenant to pursue another relation with another god and their daughters.
2. This accusation is addressed to the Israelite men of the day who were marrying foreign woman.
a. These non-Jewish woman served other gods and ended up influencing the belief system in the Jewish home and nation.
b. This in turn influenced the children in the nation and there view of God.
i. Their view of God became distorted and led to their further withdrawal away from the things of God.
c. These non-believing woman also eventually influenced the nation of Israel to fall into sin against God.
i. The ways of the wicked are very often subtle but still just as deadly in their ramifications.
d. These evil intruders did this by slowly pushing their religious practices on the men of God and it eventually pushed out the ways of God in the life of israel.
i. Point: Can you imagine an Israelite man coming home from a long day of work and the woman seduces him into compromising his belief system in God.
1. I could see it happen!
ii. When you fail to prevent sin in your home and you open the door this is what happens.
1. Compromising with sin just a little will eventually lead to a total compromise of the Word of God and to the breaking of the faith.
3. They were warned not to mix with the heathen of the day but they did not listen and it led to their demise as a nation (Deut. 6).
a. Sin is so subtle that it creeps its way in slowly to chip away at your faith so that it will eventually collapse your value system.
iii. Because of Judah’s breaking of the faith they have forfeited the blessings of the Covenant of life and peace with God.
1. Now they will suffer death and no peace in their lives.
2. They will become prisoners to the sin they have embraced.
a. It will put them into bondage.
b. It will destroy their children and their grandchildren.
3. Why? Because they have chosen to divorce God and His ways.
b. Today many have broken the faith by allowing sin into their homes and even into their children’s lives.
T.S. – Malachi warns us to not break the faith and to make sure if we have to repent and turn back to God before something worse happens to us. Malachi progresses on in his message to point out how this spiritual adultery has influenced the nation of God. He brings out the evidence of this by the societal collapse of the family. He point to the 3rd thing that God hates, “Divorce!”
III. The Lord hates divorce within His chosen people.
a. The people of God have chosen to abandon the wife of their youth and “God hates divorce.”
i. The Jewish nation became seduced by the ways of the world and one of the ways was by abandoning their godly woman for ungodly woman. They started divorcing the woman God brought into their youth and exchanged them for others who were sinners.
ii. The reason God wanted them not to divorce was because they needed to do what it said in Deut. 6:1-15
1. 1These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you. 4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.10When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, 12be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.13Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. 14Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; 15for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land.
iii. They were to stay faithful to each other and to God and to raise godly offspring.
1. This was a commission from the Lord to His people. This was to be their job for the spread of the kingdom of the Lord in the promised land.
2. But they allowed sin in and it lead to the demise of their offspring and to what they believed about God.
3. This in turn affected their home and their nation.
4. The result was sinful families and a sinful nation.
a. Instead of raising godly children they raised ungodly and rebellious children.
b. This failure on part of the people of God led to the demise and destruction of their nation.
b. So why does God hate divorce “It breeds rebellion toward God and His ways” even today?
i. DVD CLIP: From Illustrate Vol. 1 – Bluefish TV - Listen to Shelley’s Story about the pain of Divorce and how it gets you to question God’s love and care.
ii. Why does God hate divorce? Listen to some ramifications of divorce, taken from Biblical Counseling for Today - Watson Pages 187-188:
1. Dobson commissioned his Focus on the Family staff to conduct a broad based survey of existing research concerning marital status. “From a social perspective,” he asked, “is it a good thing to be married? Or is marriage just a piece of paper, as many family cynics have suggested? What resulted was a thirty six page summary of seventy two research studies, mostly secular, which clearly showed the advantage, for the average person, of being married. Comparing traditional populations (married couples and children living with married birth parents) to other populations (never married singles, cohabitating couples, separated/divorced individuals, blended stepfamilies, and others) across a number of variables (income, physical and mental health, lifestyle habits), the report argued that marriage is a definitive ‘plus’ for both adult spouses and dependent children.
2. Based on this paper and the spin-off broadcasts and articles it inspired, Sunday school teachers could say to teenagers,
a. Did you know 90 percent of cohabitating couples plan to get married someday, but 40 percent break up before they say I do?
b. Did you know that those who live together before they get married are nearly twice as likely to get a divorce afterward, compared to couples who never played house? In, fact, the longer a couple lives together before marriage, the more likely they are to get divorced afterward!”…
c. Did you know that 84 percent of all documented child abuse occurs in single –parent homes, with half of those instances occurring at the hands of boyfriends?
d. Did you know that a pregnant woman is 4 times more likely to be beaten by her boyfriend than by her husband?’
3. Even therapists, gaining leverage from the report, would encourage couples to stay together.”
4. Some people will tell you that divorce is the answer…that its brief crisis and your kids will get over it. But the research suggests that children of divorce are far more likely to end up adults with poorer incomes, weaker emotional adjustments, and less stable marriages.
iii. It is very clear that this is why God hates divorce. He knows that there are always deep and scarring hurts that occur through the break up of a family unit.
iv. Listen to some of these other reports on the ramifications of divorce:
1. "After divorce, children tend to become more emotionally distant from both the custodial and non-custodial parent." Paul R. Amato and Alan Booth, A Generation at Risk (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1997), p. 69, reporting the findings of Rossi and Rossi (1991).
2. "This emotional distance between children and parents lasts well into adulthood and may become permanent. As adults, children of divorced parents are half as likely to be close to their parents as are children of intact families. They have less frequent contact with the parent with whom they grew up and much less contact with the divorced parent from whom they have been separated." Lye et al., "Childhood Living Arrangements and Adult Children’s Relations with Their Parents," pp. 261-280, and William S. Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood: Impact on Young Adults’ Assessment of Parent-Child Relations," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 56 (1994), pp. 908-922
3. "Compared with continuously married mothers, divorced mothers--whether custodial or non-custodial--are likely to be less affectionate and less communicative with their children and to discipline them more harshly and more inconsistently, especially in the first year after the divorce. In particular, divorced mothers have problems with their sons, though their relationship is likely to improve within two years even when some discipline problems persist up to six years after the divorce." E. Mavis Hetherington, Roger Cox, and Martha Cox, "Long-Term Effects of Divorce and Remarriage on the Adjustment of Children," Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, Vol. 24 (1985), pp. 518-530.
4. "Divorced mothers, despite their best intentions, are less able than married mothers to give the same level of emotional support to their children." Jane E. Miller and Diane Davis, "Poverty History, Marital History, and Quality of Children’s Home Environments," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 59 (1997), pp. 996-1007.
5. "The quality of the relationship that divorced fathers have with their sons, often troubled before the divorce, tends to become significantly worse after the breakup. Finally, the higher the level of conflict during the divorce, the more likely the distance between father and children afterwards." Janet Johnston, "High Conflict Divorce," The Future of Children, Vol. 4 (1994), pp. 165-182, and Amato and Booth, A Generation at Risk, p. 68, reporting the findings of numerous authors.
6. "Also, children of divorce are less likely to think they should support their parents in old age. This finding alone portends a monumental problem for the much-divorced baby-boom generation that will become the dependent generation of elderly during the first half of this new century." Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood," pp. 908-922.
7. "Even older young adults whose parents divorce report turmoil and disruption. They deeply dislike the strains and difficulties that arise in daily rituals, family celebrations, family traditions, and special occasions and see these losses as major." Marjorie A. Pett, Nancy Long, and Anita Gander, "Late-Life Divorce: Its Impact on Family Rituals," Journal of Family Issues, Vol. 13 (1992), pp. 526-552.
8. All quotes above taken from: The Effects of Divorce on America by Patrick F. Fagan and Robert Rector
a. Fagan: American society may have erased the stigma that once accompanied divorce, but it can no longer ignore its massive effects. As social scientists track successive generations of American children whose parents have ended their marriages, the data are leading even some of the once-staunchest supporters of divorce to conclude that divorce is hurting American society and devastating the lives of children.
c. We now may understand Why God hates divorce and also understand why Malachi tells us to guard ourselves from sins like divorce and to not break the faith.
i. Yes it is true that those who chose the path of divorce have not guarded themselves from divorce and its ramifications.
1. They could have done like the Israelites did and marry non-believers and therefore suffered the consequence.
a. Some divorces occur because people do not marry other believers.
i. Bible says. “Light and darkness do not mix”; Also Scripture tells us to not marry unbelievers! Why? Divorce!
2. Some could have chosen the pain of divorce because they rushed into a relationship without knowing the heart of the individual they are marrying.
3. Some could have chosen divorce because they have fallen into sin and it entered their marriage.
4. Some fall into the trap of divorce because they have believed the lies of the enemy and walked away from God.
5. Some have fallen into the trap of divorce because they have been victimized by the other spouses choice to embrace sin in their life.
ii. Bottom line from Malachi is we must guard ourselves from divorce and its affects in our lives and our families’ life.
d. One of the best ways to do this is to be proactive in our marriage relationship and prevent divorce from happening
i. We must learn how to divorce proof our marriages?
1. We must not allow the lies in this world to cause us to break the faith.
a. Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W., took a stand. She believes that the vast majority of divorces in our country are absolutely unnecessary because most relationship problems are solvable.
b. The problem people chose divorce way to often.
ii. How do you guard your marriage from divorce?
1. Dr Dobson gives us some ideas: James C. Dobson, Ph.D. My advice to young couples is simply this: Don’t permit the possibility of divorce to enter your thinking. Even in moments of great conflict and discouragement, divorce is no solution. It merely substitutes a new set of miseries for the ones left behind. Guard your relationship against erosion as though you were defending your very lives. Yes, you can make it together. Not only can you survive, but you can keep your love alive if you give it priority in your system of values. Any one of the following evils can rip your relationship to shreds if given a place in your lives:
a. Over commitment and physical exhaustion. Beware of this danger. It is especially insidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house and start a business at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but many young couples do just that and are then surprised when their marriage falls apart. Why wouldn’t it? The only time they see each other is when they are worn out! It is especially dangerous to have the husband vastly over committed and the wife staying home with a preschooler. Her profound loneliness builds discontent and depression; we all know where that leads. You must reserve time for one another if you want to keep your love alive.
b. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent. Pay cash for consumable items, or don’t buy. Don’t spend more for a house or car than you can afford, leaving too few resources for dating, short trips, baby-sitters, etc. Allocate your funds with the wisdom of Solomon.
c. There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time.
d. Interference from in-laws. If either the husband or wife has not been fully emancipated from the parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers (and fathers) to grant’ close proximity is built for trouble.
e. Unrealistic expectations. Some couples come into marriage anticipating rose-covered cottages, walks down primrose lanes, uninterrupted joy. Counselor Jean Lush believes, I agree, that this romantic illusion is particularly characteristic of American women who expect more from their husbands than they are capable of delivering. The consequent disappointment is an emotional trap. Bring your expectations in line with reality.
f. Space invaders. I am not referring to aliens from Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the breathing room needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way this phenomenon manifests itself. Another is low self-esteem, which leads the insecure spouse to trample the territory of the other. Love must be free and it must be confident.
g. Alcohol or substance abuse. These are killers, not only of marriages, but also of people. Avoid them like the plague.
h. Pornography, gambling and other addictions. It should be obvious to everyone that the human personality is flawed. It has a tendency to get hooked on destructive behaviors, especially early in life. During an introductory stage, people think they can play with enticements such as pornography or gambling and not get hurt. Indeed, many do walk away unaffected. For some, however, there is a weakness and a vulnerability that is unknown until too late. Then they become addicted to something that tears at the fabric of the family. This warning may seem foolish and even prudish to my readers, but I’ve made a 25-year study of those who wreck their lives. Their problems often begin in experimentation with a known evil and ultimately end in death — or the death of a marriage. The restrictions and commandments of Scriptures were designed to protect us from evil, though it is difficult to believe when we are young. “The wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). If we keep our lives clean and do not permit ourselves to toy with evil, the addictions that have ravaged humanity can never touch us.
i. Sexual frustration, loneliness, low self-esteem and the greener grass of infidelity. A deadly combination!
j. Business failure. It does bad things to men, especially. Their agitation over financial reverses sometimes sublimates to anger within the family.
k. Business success. It is almost as risky to succeed wildly as it is to fail miserably in business. The writer of Proverbs said, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread” (30:8).
l. Getting married too young. Girls who marry between 14 and 17 years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at 18 or 19 years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are 1.5 times as likely to divorce as those who marry in their 20s. The pressures of adolescence and the stresses of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second.
i. This article was excerpted from Love For a Lifetime by James C. Dobson. Copyright © 1987, 1993 James C. Dobson. Used by permission of Questar Publishers, Inc.
iii. Here are some other things you can do to prevent divorce in your family:
1. THE DOS AND DON’TS OF A GOOD MARRIAGE
by Louis McBurney, M.D.
a. Commitment. “Commitment” is not a popular word in our culture. Our society emphasizes individual rights, personal freedom and mobility. The idea of giving these up because of dedication to another person or loyalty to a relationship makes a lot of people feel trapped. But I don’t think you can have it both ways. You can’t build a divorce-proof marriage and remain unbending toward your personal rights. That doesn’t mean you give up all your freedoms or choices, but it does mean your commitment to the relationship supercedes your individual rights. Commitment means putting your spouse’s needs above your own. Studies show that the best indicator of marital well-being is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met. I’ve found that when I focus only on my needs and forget about my wife, I tend to get irritated and disappointed. I may even begin to imagine how much better off I’d be with a different wife. On the other hand, I feel satisfied when I focus on my wife’s needs and how I can creatively meet them.
b. Communication. Someone once said “Communication is to love as blood is to the body.” Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies. The kind of communication I’m talking about isn’t just exchanging information; it’s sharing feelings, hurts, joys. That means getting below the surface and examining the hows and whys of daily life. But it’s not easy since men and women are different in this area. Research makes it clear that women have greater linguistic abilities than men. Simply stated, she talks more than he. As an adult, she typically expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than her husband and is often irritated by his reluctance to talk. Every knowledgeable marriage counselor will tell you that the inability or unwillingness of husbands to reveal their feelings is one of the chief complaints of wives. Like conflict resolution, communication is a learned skill — and it’s often hard work. Time must be reserved for meaningful conversations. Taking walks and going out for dinner are conversation inducers that keep love alive.
c. Patience. We live in an instant world — fast foods, cash machines, computer access to information, direct dial communication all over the world. The problem is we can’t heat up a marriage in the microwave. Relationships just don’t work that way. Marriage, especially takes time and care to become really beautiful. That means learning patience. When you put two people — any two — in the same house, you’re going to have irritations and annoyances. There are times when I think God designed marriage just to teach me patience. My wife doesn’t always respond like I wish she would. And she still expects me to pick up my dirty clothes, be on time for dinner and remember her birthday You’d think that after 30 years of marriage, she would have given up on me. In the meantime I’m considering humoring her a little. Recently I even put my underwear on the floor next to the laundry hamper. I wonder how she’s doing with patience. Beyond the day-to-day quirks and foibles you must accept, patience is needed for the long haul. It may take years for you to develop the kind of relationship that’s satisfying to both of you. A lot of people don’t have the patience to wait around for things to evolve. But if you’re willing to sit tight and hang in there, your marriage can be fantastic.
d. Strong beliefs. We’re more than a bundle of feelings and physical sensations. There is an inner core of our being, an eternal part of who we are, that represents the deepest, most permanent aspect of marriage. Research shows that couples with strong religious beliefs are far more likely to stay together than those without them. It’s the shared morals and values that hold a husband and wife together. This solid foundation is a fortress against the storms of life. For my wife and me, our Christian faith has been the bedrock of our relationship. In our 30-plus years of marriage, we have consistently turned to the Bible for direction, guidance and comfort.
e. Watch for Trouble spots. There are a lot of problems that can cripple or fatally wound a marriage. Here are some of the common ones:
i. Relying on feelings rather than commitment. Romantic feelings come and go, and many spouses get nervous when the flame dies down. They begin to doubt their relationship and wonder if they married the wrong person. A lot of those misgivings are fueled by the media, which says any successful relationship must run on high-octane passion. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you think marriage will be one long, steamy love scene. Sometimes it’s pure commitment and persistence that keeps a marriage together. In all marriages there are times when the tingle of romance fades. At those times, commitment is the force that pulls you through.
ii. Being selfish rather than serving. In today’s world, there are a lot more takers than givers. When two givers do get together, their marriage is usually fantastic. When a giver and a taker marry it’s usually lopsided, out of whack and full of trouble. And the marriage of two takers can crash and burn within a matter of months. Selfishness will damage a marriage, but serving will solidify it.
iii. Allowing marital drift. In geography class you may have learned about continental drift, where huge “plates” of earth move slowly and imperceptibly in opposite directions. The same thing happens in a lot of marriages. The shift is often so subtle that one day the partners wake up and say “I don’t really know who you are anymore.” And how can you keep from drifting? By talking regularly setting mutual goals for your marriage, planning the future together, playing together, cultivating shared interests and fanning the flame of romance.
iv. Letting your eyes and heart wander. There’s an old song that said, “I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends loose for the tie that binds. Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” You know that’s an old song, since the idea of loyalty doesn’t crop up in lyrics much anymore. I’ve been around long enough to see how subtly the line between “friends” and “lovers” can be blurred. What begins as a pleasant friendship glides silently across the line. The only way to really avoid those boundary violations is to watch for the early warning signs. If you begin to notice that someone lights up your life a little too much, back off! If you find yourself looking forward to the next time you can be together, cancel it.
f. One sure way to ruin your marriage. The media has done us a great disservice by making a big joke out of affairs and unfaithfulness. By watching TV and movies, you’d think that everybody is hopping from bed to bed — and it’s no big deal. The truth is, however, that sexual infidelity is one of the primary causes of divorce. Even those marriages that do survive infidelity are greatly damaged. Here are some things you can do to stay out of that trap:
i. Know the truth. Maximum sexual fulfillment comes in a committed marriage relationship. So if you really want the best, don’t cheat. You’ll be cheating yourself as well as your spouse.
ii. Build your emotional closeness. The better you get along with each other, the better your sex will be and the less tempting other people will be.
iii. Confide in your spouse rather than an opposite sex friend. Becoming emotionally intimate makes sexual unfaithfulness an easy step. Most affairs begin as an innocent friendship.
iv. Guard your thoughts. Don’t risk fantasizing about other romantic attachments. Your actions will tend to follow your thoughts.
v. Keep romance alive. Long-term marriage doesn’t have to become dull and boring, but keeping romance alive takes a conscious effort. It’s your choice to maintain the excitement and enchantment.
g. Don’t listen to the marriage cynics. These days, a lot of people put down marriage, like the comedian who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married — but by then it was too late.” Or the talk show host who quipped, “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” In fact, you’ve probably had friends say “Why would you want to get married?” Don’t listen to the humbuggers. Good marriages bring fun and laughter and meaning to life. Even after three decades, my wife and I still have a blast being together. Our love is like a thousand violins playing Tchaikovsky (for you it might be electric guitars or synthesizers). It’s the thrill of shared experiences, building memories and facing new challenges. And it’s so much more! Still, I can’t emphasize this enough — marriage takes hard work and commitment. With divorce so rampant today many young couples enter marriage with one eye on the exit door. But it takes an unwavering commitment — not giving yourself an out — to keep a marriage healthy and thriving. It’s choosing to be kind and giving and courteous and affectionate and affirming. That choice is the glue that will hold you together. Even when the adrenaline rush is gone and the music fades, the love will live on. Copyright © 1992 Focus on the Family.
e. Malachi also tells us to prevent sin and divorce in our lives we must guard ourselves from the lies of this world system.
i. Here are two of the common lies:
1. All who do evil are good in the Lord’s eyes – not true!
2. Where is the justice of God?
a. God does not care and God does not do things right. Not true!
T.S. – God hates divorce because of its vast ramifications to people individually, to the family unit and to society as a whole. We must guard our hearts and divorce proof our marriages. Malachi progresses on in our chapter to address the 4th thing that God hates “Violence!”
IV. I hate a man covering himself with violence.
a. Therefore guard yourself from violence.
i. We must guard ourselves against violence it only leads to more curses and to death.
b. Do you believe our society guards it self from violence?
i. Look at the movies! What do you think?
ii. Look at TV! What do you think?
1. In 1992, TV Guide commissioned a study of a typical 18-hour TV broadcast day to determine levels of violence. The networks and the more popular cable channels were monitored for "purposeful, overt, deliberate behavior involving physical force or weapons against other individuals." There were 1,846 acts of violence that broke down this way.
cartoons 471 promos for TV shows 265
movies 221 toy commercials 188
music videos 123 commercials for films 121
TV dramas 69 news 62
tabloid reality shows 58 sitcoms 52
soap operas 34
In looking at the role of the broadcast outlets in the violence equation TV mogul Ted Turner said: "They’re guilty of murder. We all are—me too."
iii. Look at music! What do you think?
1. Especially the rap music!
c. Next week we will explore how God hates violence and get a reality check about our current society.
i. Laval University professors Guy Paquette and Jacques de Guise studied six major Canadian television networks over a seven-year period, examining films, situation comedies, dramatic series, and children’s programming (though not cartoons). The study found that between 1993 and 2001, incidents of physical violence increased by 378 per cent. TV shows in 2001 averaged 40 acts of violence per hour (Media Awareness Network)
Conclusion:
We are to guard ourselves and not break with the faith says Malachi.
To guard something means to defend it from enemy’s who would want to destroy it. It means to be proactive prepared and on our guards. This is the first way and the best way to deal with sin in life. Never give it a foothold or a place in your life. There are two other ways lets explore the 3 in closing:
The three ways to deal with the situations in a life that involve sin.
1. To prevent a life from being caught up in the ramifications of sin we must be proactive against sin.
a. In other words give it no place in our life.
b. Shut it out! Give no place to it!
2. To intervene in a life that is suffering the consequences of sin.
a. This is what God does with sinners in the repentance and salvation interventions of life.
b. He steps in and delivers people.
3. To post-intervention to deal with the life that has been devastated by sin.
a. God offers healing of the scars and restoring what the devil has stolen from our lives.
b. But it still has a long process of healing and the renewing of the mind.
