Sermon for 2/13/2005
No Time for Romance
Introduction:
Gail Ann Dorsey- No Time
No time for talking, no time for walking, not time for loving you, Baby, I’ve got a lot on my mind. So much to do and too little time I got a lot on my mind, and I wish I knew where to draw the line.
Ain’t got time for romance on a starry night or waking up beside you in the morning light. I’ve got business to attend and money to spend. Time is my enemy. There’s too little hour in a given day. Too many people getting in my way. I’m so caught up in my crazy world!
No time for talking no time for walking no time for loving you, baby. I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’m too tired to listen, too tired to fight, too tired to get up and turn off the lights. I worry about the things to come. I’m looking out for #1.
WBTU:
Like it or not, Christians face many of the same obstacles in marriage as non-Christians. But Christian couples have an advantage. With God’s help, we can protect our marriages by recognizing and overcoming many of these obstacles.
Terry MacCabe wrote an article in the Lookout called, “Reversing the Trend” a few years ago and in this article he identified three obstacles in marriage.
Thesis: This morning let’s talk about apathy, consumerism, and temptation that affect all marriages.
For instances:
1. Apathy
Given the prevailing apathy toward marriage in society, Christians must hold forth the sanctity of marriage in their own relationships. God’s Word must be our standard. Hebrews 13:4- Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.
When we are married, marriage must be a priority when it comes to our time. In an article by Stephen Slack he says that many married couples feel they’re too busy to build and maintain a healthy marriage. Is it any wonder? With ever increasing demands at work, financial pressures, continuing education, endless list of extracurricular activities like sports, boy and girl scouts, piano lessons, dance lessons, choir, band, church meetings, housework, doctor visits, etc.
A Christian counselor once asked, “When you think about the time you spent together preparing for marriage, are you spending enough time together now to stay married?” Good question! Many of us are not. There is no rest and little time together. When it comes to working on marriage usually that is on the back burner.
Apathy in marriage isn't a joking matter, though. Apathy is silent and subtle, yet apathy can erode the joy and quality of a good relationship.
Couples need to install a good A/C in their marriage. An Apathy Check from time to time can help determine if this unwanted guest has entered your home. Consider these questions: Does the thought of going on a date with your spouse - without the kids - make you nervous because you don't know what you'd talk about?
Does the idea of going out with your mate even once a month seem too frequent? Have you lost the energy to do fun things together?
Don't panic, point blame, or get defensive if you discover apathy abides within your relationship. Every marriage goes through phases. The question is: What do you do when you're apathetic about your relationship? The answer: Start coming up with solutions.
Generally, women prefer to share intimacy through talking and thinking together, as men tend to prefer intimacy through touching and togetherness
Good marriages have a combination of all four and—this is the important part—spouses sometimes have to force themselves to experience their spouse’s preferred form of intimacy. For example, if you know that your wife feels closest to you when talking about important things, then slowdown and listen to her with empathy, something you might not want to do at first. Likewise, men are more likely to open up when doing something physical, so going for a walk with your husband while you talk about matters of your heart may be the right change for you.
Need to realize, like many empty nesters have found out, that when the children grow up, when it comes right down to it, it is just you and me baby in this thing together.
2. Consumerism
** Affects us in two ways
A. It affects our commitments.
Our culture’s desire for instant gratification that leads to irresponsibility affects the way many couples view marriage.
One of the forces pulling marriages apart is the societal message which repeatedly says to us, “You should get what you want. If something (including a marriage partner) doesn't work, throw it away and buy a new, improved model. If this is the overall societal message, is it any wonder that this has had an impact on how we view marriage?”
B. It affects how we view people.
We believe that things are more important than people; things bring happiness. Christians must remember that the opposite is true.
One study done on materialism and how it affects marriages. Materialism causes spouses to make bad financial decisions such as spending beyond their means, which puts them in debt and stresses the marriage. People who are materialistic are working more to "get things." They forget, don't value, or run out of time in a day to nurture their relationships.
4 tips may help:
1) No matter how hard we work, if we communicate with your spouse each day, letting them know something as simple as, "I am thinking about you," we will be nurturing our relationship.
2) Balance is everything. At times that is difficult and unattainable. When we know in advance that work will be consuming much of our time, tell our spouse in advance so they can mentally prepare.
3) Have a family day One day a week. Cherish and protect the time together as a couple and establish a routine that is healthy for love life.
4) Husbands, wives, and children all like nice things, but they love you. Their love is a gift, not something earned. No amount of money or nice things we can ever acquire will replace this love. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1 Timothy 6:10, NIV. Grief will be to marriage and family.
3. Temptations
Temptation is everywhere. Even Christian spouses are exposed daily to messages and images that encourage unfaithfulness.
Many women work outside the home. While this is not wrong, (Proverbs 31 woman worked) it does provide greater opportunity for inappropriate relationships.
Terry MacCAbe said: A friend recently told me about the many affairs that have occurred in his office complex of more than 500 employees. “Think about it,” he said. “At the office, people are dressed in their best clothes, they have spent time and effort to make themselves attractive, and generally try to be pleasant to their coworkers. After work a husband comes home to a worn out wife who hasn’t had time to prepare supper because the kids have run her ragged since being picked up at the daycare.” As a result, the temptation to be unfaithful increases.
To make matters worse, temptation has now invaded our homes. No longer does an individual have to undergo the embarrassment of entering the adult section of a video store to acquire pornography. Cable TV, satellite dishes, DVD’s and Internet connections present graphic sex 24/7- anywhere and for any age!
WE must take every possible step to avoid such temptation. Many Christians are removing or drastically reducing their use of computers and televisions. This may seem like an extreme measure, but for some Christians, doing without these items is a small price to pay for a stronger marriage and a healthier home. Jesus said, “And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away- Matthew 5:30.
F. 5 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Ryan Federick
1. Commit to honest, open communication: Be REAL
In the affair stories we’ve heard, they always start small then grow into something truly damaging. Seemingly innocent banter can turn into flirting, and flirting turns into emotional involvement. Emotional involvement turns into an emotional affair well on it’s way toward sexual involvement. It’s best to kill it early. Honest and open communication is the best way to nip affair in the bud. Be honest about little struggles and you’ll protect yourself from big sins. Get it all out, expose your weaknesses and help your spouse with theirs. Doing so is liberating and empowering
2: Check in often
Total openness does little good if you’re only open once every year or two. Need to lovingly ask the hard questions and not casually sweep things under the rug. You each must make an effort to check in often; it won’t happen automatically.
3: Get accountable to godly people.
Men are often the targets of accountability talks, but women need it just as much. The famous verse, Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) reads, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Everyone needs accountability and Everyone benefits. You need to hold each other accountable so you can be sharper, more godly, and a better spouse.
4: Actively improve your sex life
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:3, 4, NIV. Practice this often. So this is just a duty? Well... Think of sex as your thermometer for how your overall intimacy is doing – sex reveals the temperature of your marriage. If sex is consistently cold, your overall intimacy is probably cold as well. If you’re satisfied drinking from the well of your marriage, you won’t go looking for water elsewhere.
5: Fight with Christ
A healthy marriage cannot be realized truly outside of Christ. Jesus and His Word must be the standard against which we measure ourselves, without him leading us, we’re utterly lost. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16
