A young wife was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?"
"You’ll know tonight" he replied.
That evening the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - only to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams".
Guys, I wouldn’t recommend that course of action tomorrow on Valentine’s Day, but I will recommend "The Truth About Love" to you today.
There are a lot of myths about love floating around. The best way for us to expel these myths is to look at the most loving man who ever lived - Jesus.
We’re going to use the account of the Lord putting Himself in the place of a servant and washing the disciples’ feet to explode some myths about love.
1. MYTH #1: I MUST BE WORTHY OF LOVE TO BE LOVED.
This is perhaps the most warped myth about love. It goes something like this: "If I’m going to be loved I have to be beautiful, super-intelligent, or gifted, etc." Or, "I have to perform at a certain level of expectations in order to be worthy of being loved. I have to achieve to be loved."
That’s simply not true, but it’s no wonder a lot of people have swallowed this myth because of the way our culture treats imperfection. They treat "beautiful" people like they’re worthy of love while those of us who are just "average" are unworthy.
A current Christian song entitled "Mirror" identifies and dispels this myth at the same time. It’s a song by a trio of sisters called "Barlow Girl".
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, have I got it?
’Cause mirror you’ve always told me who I am.
I’m finding it’s not easy to be perfect.
So sorry you won’t define me. Sorry you don’t own me.
Who are you to tell me that I’m less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don’t need to listen to the list of things I should do.
I won’t try, I won’t try.
Mirror I am seeing a new reflection.
I’m looking into the eyes of He who made me.
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare.
I know He defines me.
You don’t define me, you don’t define me."
What an awesome message to the young ladies of America and to all of the rest of us as well. Our culture deceives a lot of people into thinking they have to be a perfect "ten" in order to be worthy of love. When we look in the mirror we have to be careful about interpreting what we see. Our reflection in glass does not show our true worthiness for being loved.
Our security shouldn’t come from our looks. Our significance shouldn’t come from our achievements.
No one exemplified the truth about love more than Jesus. Look at these first two Bible verses:
"1 Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He now showed his disciples the full extent of his love. 2 It was time for supper, and the Devil had already enticed Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to carry out his plan to betray Jesus." (John 13:1-2 New Living Translation)
I don’t suppose we could think of anyone any more UNlovable than Judas - yet Christ loved him nonetheless. In verse 11 of John 13 the Bible says that Jesus knew that Judas was the one that would betray him.
What we need to see is - since Jesus loved Judas - then he certainly loves us! If Judas was worthy of love, then you and I are certainly worthy of love. In fact, you don’t have enough warts or blemishes or faults or failures for Him not to love you!
Before suffering and dying for us Jesus was going to show His disciples "the full extent of his love" - so He put Himself in the place of a servant and washed their feet. This included Judas! Jesus knew everything about Judas and yet - still He loved him!
Jesus knows everything about us and yet He still loves us too! His love for us is unconditional, while the world’s love for us can be expressed, "I love you unconditionally - on one condition."
Once again, the myth is: "I must be worthy of being loved." The truth is: you are loved not because you deserve it, but because God is love. You don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations (including your own when you look in the mirror) for God to love you. You are of great value to Him and you didn’t have to "be" anything, or "do" anything for this to happen.
Jesus lived to show love to the people of His day that others were trying to stay away from: lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors, the demon possessed, the sick and the poor. He wanted it to be clear that no one was outside the scope of His love.
And there’s more good news! Not only does God love you, God’s people love you too!
"Dear friends, since God loved us...we must love each other." (1 John 4:11, Contemporary English Version)
"If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen." (1 John 4:20, Today’s English Version)
Love is one of the trademarks of God and His children. The copyright and patent on love belong to God. As a matter of fact, Jesus said:
"If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples." (John 13:35, Today’s English Version)
Jesus said His followers would be known by their love - not by their rules - not by their church name or anything else - but by their love.
So you should be confident that a lot of people love you! There’s nothing at all that you have to do to earn their love. It’s a given. Don’t go around another day believing "no one really loves me". Don’t go around believing that you must do something or change something about yourself in order to be loved. God created you and He loves you and so do God’s people.
2. MYTH #2: I MUST FEEL LOVE TO SHOW LOVE.
This myth goes something like this: "Love is just something you feel and you can’t help it - it just happens. I can’t love someone if I don’t feel loving toward them."
The truth is - love does include our emotions - but it is much more. Whether it’s showing love to a friend or spouse, to a child or co-worker, if love were just an emotion you wouldn’t love for very long because emotions change. Sometimes they change with the weather. Sometimes they change with circumstances. Sometimes they change as we change.
Look at the next several verses of our text.
"3 Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. 4 So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, 5 and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel he had around him." (John 13:3-5, NLT)
In light of the fact that Christ had been given authority over everything, you would have thought the disciples would have been standing in line to wash His feet. Instead, they had been arguing over which one of them was the greatest.
Listen to Luke’s parallel account:
"24 And they began to argue among themselves as to who would be the greatest in the coming Kingdom. 25 Jesus told them, "In this world the kings and great men order their people around, and yet they are called ’friends of the people.’ 26 But among you, those who are the greatest should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. 27 Normally the master sits at the table and is served by his servants. But not here! For I am your servant." (Luke 22:24-27, NLT)
They were fighting for a throne and a title and Jesus suggested instead that they pick up a towel! Why? Because love is NOT just something you express when you feel like it. Sure it has an emotional element - but if that’s ALL there is to love - we’re all in trouble!
Love is more than hearts and flowers. It’s dishes and laundry. It’s more than sappy movies and mushy poems. It’s paying bills and taking out the trash.
Our soldiers fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq don’t "feel" good about being away from their families, sleeping on the ground, eating rationed food, or being shot at. But they love. They love freedom and they love their country.
I don’t imagine it felt particularly good for Jesus to get down and wash the dusty feet of the disciples. It certainly wouldn’t feel good to suffer and die for the sins of the world shortly after this meal.
But love is not just about feelings. You don’t have to feel love to show love.
We’re like the little girl named Nan in "Children’s Letters to God", who said, "Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I have trouble loving them."
The theology of that little girl is cute but it’s accurate. Love is sometimes hard. It’s difficult to love when you don’t feel loving - but that is exactly the essence of true love.
Love is a CHOICE, not just an emotion. Love is something you decide to do. Jesus washed the disciples’ feet and shortly thereafter died on the cross because He made a commmitment to love.
If we’re going to love - we’re going to have to choose to love - not wait until we feel like loving.
Our problem is, we get to know one another so well that we discover each other’s weaknesses and then we don’t "feel" like showing love. It can happen in a marriage.
You’ve heard the old saying, "the honeymoon is over." They’re not talking about the trip to Niagra Falls being over. They’re talking about the period of ignorance about one another’s shortcomings being over. The time before the husband and wife really got to know how weird their spouse was.
What do you do when you discover that your spouse is from another planet? As long as they’re not being unfaithful or abusive - you stay in the relationship by deciding to keep loving them.
But this myth about feeling love in order to show love is so strong that some of you may still doubt that it is a myth. So listen to some of the radical things Jesus said about love.
"You’re familiar with the old written law, ’Love your friends’, and it’s unwritten companion, ’Hate your enemies.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best - the sun to warm and the rain to nourish - to everyone, regardless: the good and the bad, the nice and the nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that."
"In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." (Matthew 5:43-48, The Message)
That kind of love - loving our enemies - isn’t something we always feel like doing. We must CHOOSE to do it. When someone hurts us, when someone rejects us, when someone talks about us behind our back - what are we supposed to do? Jesus told us we’re supposed to CHOOSE to love them. He didn’t say anything about feeling like it.
It’s a myth that you can only love when you feel like it. Love is a choice.
3. MYTH #3: I MUST NOT RISK LOVING OR I WILL GET HURT.
Some women hate all men because of a few men that hurt them. Some men hate all women because of a few women that hurt them. Some people drop out of church because they got hurt. Some teens don’t trust any adults because a few adults let them down. So a lot of people end up doing the very thing they shouldn’t do. They build barriers. They put up fences. They hold others at arm’s length. They simply don’t want to risk being hurt again.
The truth is - when you don’t risk being loved you are causing yourself more harm than when you do. Those who don’t risk don’t enjoy the benefits of close, loving relationships. That’s how they hurt themselves. They deprive themselves of something every human being needs.
Let’s return to our story of Jesus going around the room washing the disciples’ feet.
6 When he came to Simon Peter, Peter said to him, "Lord, why are you going to wash my feet?" 7 Jesus replied, "You don’t understand now why I doing it; someday you will." 8 "No," Peter protested, "you will never wash my feet!"
Peter had a lot of gumption.
Notice how Jesus responded to his objection.
8b Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." 9 "Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well." 10 Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean."
In those days you would bathe before going to someone’s home, but because of wearing sandals on dusty streets, by the time you arrived at your destination your feet were dusty and dirty again. So it was customary for either a servant to wash your feet, or, for the member of the group in the lowest position to assume the role of a servant.
None of the disciples thought to rise from the table and wash the feet of those present, for that would have been a public announcement that they considered themselves the least. That would have made them vulnerable. That might have caused others to think they could take advantage of them. Not one of them wanted to accept that risk.
They didn’t want to be known as the least. They wanted to be known as the greatest. Their failure to take the place of a servant revealed their own insecurities. As was often the case, outspoken Simon Peter only verbalized what many, if not all of them, were thinking. They were thinking about themselves while they should have been thinking about the needs of others.
When I protect myself from being hurt I am being selfish.
I shouldn’t be protecting me - I should be serving others. Christ took a custom of the day and taught us one of life’s greatest lessons. His entire life, death and intercession for us now are a testament to this lesson. The Bible clearly states what Jesus was all about:
"The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve." (Mark 10:45, NKJV)
If Peter didn’t engage in serving others he wasn’t engaging in the ministry of Jesus, hence Jesus said to him, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
Unlike His disciples (and us) Jesus wasn’t insecure. He knew that His Father had given Him complete authority. He knew that He was loved and He knew that He loved His disciples. In fact, He loved everyone in the whole world. So He laid aside His outer robe and did the job no one else was willing to risk doing.
It was love that allowed Jesus to serve. And it will be love that will allow you and me to serve. We need to establish the fact that we are loved so we can risk showing love and being loved.
"12 After Jesus had washed their feet, he put his outer garment back on and returned to his place at the table. ’Do you understand what I have just done to you?’ he asked. 13 ’You call me Teacher and Lord, and it is right that you do so, because that is what I am. 14 I, your Lord and Teacher, have just washed your feet. 15 I have set an example for you, so that you will do just as I have done for you.’"
The truth is, if you run the risk of loving, you may get hurt. But if you don’t run the risk of loving and being loved - you most definitely will be hurt - by not enjoying the rich returns that loving brings.
If you do get hurt while loving - at least you will know you were like Jesus. You can say you followed His example. You can be the servant because you are confident that God loves you. You don’t have to be insecure any longer.
Don’t mind the myths about love. Follow the truth - Christ’s truth about love.
